Can We Please STOP With The Car Seat Shaming?
There is nothing more exciting as a parent than posting that adorable picture you just took of your little darling, strapped into her car seat, little feet dangling and an ice cream cone melting on her chest. But the second you press Upload, beware: the mom-army Marmy is coming! They’re like Winter, but scarier. ‘Cause they will straight up Judge Every Single Thing YOU Do. The Marmy goes after your mommy soul and they won’t stop until you’re a quivering ball of emotions binge-eating Bluebell with a baby spoon on your kitchen floor. And you can try to unfriend them all, but you can’t always tell who they are. They can be anyone. They’re like skin walkers…one minute you think she’s that sweet woman from church, the next she’s straight up laying into you for being an awful mother who is TRYING to get her child killed. And you were trying, right? I mean, that’s why your little darling’s strap was an inch too low on her chest? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOUR CHILD!?!
*cough*
Sorry, I think that got away from me for a second… Look, can we PLEASE just stop with the car seat shaming? That’s all I’m asking. Just, stop.
Can We Please STOP With The Car Seat Shaming?
1. It does no good after the fact. Do you really think that mom who posted a picture of her kid in a cute dress is looking for advice on how to properly buckle her child? Was the mom who uploaded the video of her toddler singing to Ke$sha really seeking parenting advice? No. They want the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ earned from having a beautiful, brilliant, talented, adorable child. Bashing them over the head with messages about how the buckle is a quarter of an inch too low on the left is ridiculous. And you’re missing the point that their children are totes amazeballs. If you really care? Go visit  and talk with them in person. Otherwise, bugger off!
2. You need an engineering degree to get it perfect. Seriously. It’s like some of you get out a protractor and a level and check every single picture ever posted to social media to see if everything lines up. And HEAVEN FORBID the parent has a smallish three-year-old and they Dared to face the seat forward. C’mon, people. Don’t you have your own kids to worry about?? Lay off a little, will you? If the picture is posted, the child survived. Am I saying there isn’t room for improvement? No! But that advice should come in person from people who actually KNOW the parents and not from random internet trolls.
3. It will never be as perfect as everyone wants it to be. Ever. Ever. So if this is a mom you know and she’s sincerely done her best, lay off. And if this is a mom you’ve never met and you’re bashing her online? GTFO!
4. Does it really make you feel better about yourself to attack other moms? ‘Cause I kinda think that’s what your doing here. Am I wrong? I mean, it’s like there are moms who wait behind their phones to see someone post a car seat picture so they can be the one to catch the transgressions. I imagine you all, your kids screaming in another room, pudding running down a wall but you’re there staring at your phone…waiting to pounce.
5. No One (even you) is perfect 100% of the time. Kids are squirrelly and wiggly little monsters, and even perfect moms are going to have moments where the straps aren’t one hunned. It happens. So for your sake and everyone else’s be grateful that nothing bad happened and try again next time. That’s all I’m asking. Do your best and lay off other moms who are doing THEIR best.
Look. There Is a proper way to strap those little suckers in and if still in doubt parents can go to their local fire department for help. But that’s not my point. My point is that I see So Many People commenting on Every Single Picture of children in car seats and commenting is almost like a game. A sick, mean-spirited, twisted game of whack-a-mole: the parenting edition. And it’s GOT to STOP. No one likes this game except for you. And while you dilute yourself into believing you’re being helpful, what you’re really doing is acting as judge and jury over your fellow moms. Lay off. Just stop. Go figure out what your kids are screaming over, go scrape the pudding off the wall, and maybe step away from the phone for a bit and get some fresh air.
And now to make you smile…and for a little more help…
Want more? Check out the posts below!
A Note From Jamie: What I want is for us to find a way to HELP other moms who don’t know how to properly buckle a safety belt. To keep everyone’s kids safe. I don’t want the shaming at all. Instead lets build a community where we HELP each other, we show, we inform people that there are places you can go to get your car seat installed properly, that we show people the right way to do this without making them feel dumb for it. Let’s try THAT!
10 TRUTHS MOMS OF BOYS KNOW TOO WELL…
20 TIMES EVERY MOM RELATES TO DORY
This is absolute CRAP.
Somebody told me my baby wasn’t buckled in properly on a photo & I said, “Hey thanks !” & buckled her in correctly from then on.
A month later, I got in a car accident, & if my child wasn’t in properly, she could have DIED.
This is LIFE SAVING information ! & I am eternally grateful that somebody took the time to let me know I was making a mistake.
Because when it DOES happen to your child, you don’t want to be the person asking, “Why didn’t anybody tell me ?”
You can tell a parent’s priorities by the way they respond to someone giving them advice on safe car seat usage. Either they are grateful that that person took a moment to try to help them safeguard the most important person in their life (their child), or they see it as an attack/shaming/etc on the most important person in their life (themselves).
No. We can’t. BECAUSE IT’S NOT SHAMING! I want my friends and family member’s children to be alive. End of story. The real issue is that people view it as shaming and not helping. Seriously though, I AM SO SORRY I WANT YOUR BABIES TO LIVE!!! RIDICULOUS.
It’s not shaming to comment that FYI the chest clip is too low or that winter coats shouldn’t be used. And no, a posted picture doesn’t mean a child lived! I know someone who posted a pic of her 18 month old in the car seat in a puffer jacket who later that day was thrown from the car seat in an accident on a highway who was then on life support. When parents comment it is genuine concern, not judging. Yes, I’ve seen nasty comments on articles after someone posts something along the lines of, “Rear facing until 2 is stupid. Where do they put their legs,” then someone else responds with articles and comments about statistics then those two parents bicker with others jumping in. But many times I’ve sent private comments to parents who were appreciative about it since they didn’t know. Heck, someone informed me about best practices when I was still pregnant so I did my research then followed it so when I spread info it’s because I want to pay it forward.
3 words: Stupidest. Blog. Ever!. This doesn’t help the cause at all. Shaming the “shamers” and it’s because those people just want to annoy you and not help at all. God forbid they were telling you something important that could save your child’s life. The horror….Way to go you on your smart “blog”. ? *hops off soap box*
Um….you just proved her point. Well done.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a post or article shaming or judging parents over car seat safety. They’re generally objective and for education and awareness. Still, at least 80% of car seats are not installed or used properly. And there are ways of handling kids’ behavior while in their seats (i.e. moving chest clips). Unfortunately some people hear helpful advice, get offended because they feel guilty for doing something wrong, and then do nothing to change, or worse, they justify their unsafe habits.
I’m not even sure how I came across this completely ridiculous post, but everything about it is awful. Car seat safety/correcting saves LIVES. It’s not shaming. Buckle them in correctly, install them correctly 100% of the time. It’s not worth the risk. At least not my/my kids. The choice is up to you… But when you know better, you do better. It’s ironic bc I read your vaccine post; that it makes your blood boil when ppl don’t PROTECT their kids by vaccinating. It makes my blood boil when parents don’t PROTECT their kids from the #1 child killer- accidents!!!!! Most parents will never know that their poor car seat choices could have killed their child bc they will never be in an accident, thank God.
I think this is dead on. And hilarious. Good for you for saying what so many of us are thinking. But you bet all the crazies are coming for you now hahaha!
I felt compelled to comment on your ridiculous carseat shaming post. Car seats save lives, when they are used correctly. No one knows when or if they will get in an accident, so that is why proper use 100% of the time is important. So Don’t make me and others feel bad for being passionate about keeping my kids and others safe. I hope that if someone saw you misusing a life Saving device they would decide to help you to correct it, instead of just biting their tongue bc they didn’t want to offend or shame you.
It is blogs like this that are fucking stupid and promote the “oh my gosh you are just a victim” complex. CAR CRASHES KILL KIDS!!!!!! are you just stupid? or trying to get attention? It is the number one killer of kids in america because 90% of car seats are installed WRONG!
please delete this stupid post
Oh wait… so parent shaming for things you don’t agree with is fine but definitely NOT carseat shaming. How about we all just support each other and not pick and choose what is ok to shame people for?
Why is it ok to shame people you barely know? The point is to educate the person by either speaking to them in person or call, send a text, anything but the often mean way people bash others on the Internet. I think that is where the author was going with this. Go on any mommy site (cafe mom is a great example) and you see other moms bashing and shaming complete strangers. If we keep tearing each other down then women who need legitimate help or advice won’t seek it for fear of being ridiculed for the whole internet world to see. We should help each other, nobody is perfect. I think shaming these people and making them fearful of seeking help can cause more harm than good. Think the Golden Rule… How would you feel if some random person bashed something you did so all your friends, family, and co-workers could see it. If you want to be really helpful, reach out to the mom on a personal level and offer conductive criticism. This “Shaming” trend is out of control.
absolutely! I love what you said here!
I don’t agree with shaming people at all. Regardless if I agree with their choices (whether it be religious,personal , etc.) Yet the blogger just had an article bashing people the other day. I am just saying it is NOT ok either way.
Actually, my children are buckled in perfectly every single time because it’s that important to me. Even when squirming or screaming, their chest clip is at their armpits, their straps pass the pinch test. Every time, or we don’t go anywhere.
Car crashes are the top killer of children. I will never shame a parent but if I see a situation where a child will be gravely injured in a crash, you bet I’ll kindly speak up. And if you’re so defensive about your parenting that polite and genuine concern expressed privately to you is offensive, you need to take a second to consider who the problem really is.
Car seat safety isn’t a mommy war. This isn’t nursing v formula or solids at 4m v 6m, this can literally be life or death and this article seems to completely misunderstand that.
Well said!!!
This is probably one of the most ignorant things I’ve read on the Internet. Car seat safety saves lives.
Your so called “marmy” saved my son’s life when we were in an accident. The information I was given I put to use. Had I continued to do things wrong and forward face my son too soon he would be dead. We were rear ended at 40mph and slammed into the car in front of us when my baby was 13 months old. So shout out to the moms who spoke up and saved my baby. Thank you!
So glad your little guy is ok!! 🙂 car seats save lives, so glad your son is one of them. Good for you to care more about your baby than your pride and change what you were doing when you found out it wasn’t the best decision. 🙂
This is all very well but what about those parents who genuinely believe what they are doing is right, after all they wouldn’t do it if they knew otherwise would they?! Is everyone supposed to just sit back and be to scared of being labled a “marmy” and not comment? Whilst I agree there are was to suggest improvement and give advice, like anything written down it can be interpreted in a different tone by many people. I for one am grateful for any advice that keeps my child safe and I will happily pass on any knowledge I have. I don’t know about the USA, but here in the uk the fire service are a fantastic amazing service especially at anything to do with fires, but they are not car seat experts, I would recommend an independent retailer who does specialise in car seats. I love the fact that you think children wriggle out of their straps at opportune moments just as the camera is going off, sorry to be “marmy” but straps tightened correctly this wouldn’t be possible! It’s a shame someone on a blog that’s viral can be so blasé about children’s safety.
I just don’t think any of these moms really comprehend what she is saying, as clearly stated there is nothing wrong with telling the mom IN PERSON, but a lot of you seem to think trolling a Facebook page is more important and having a billion of the same comments about how the car seat is installed, and how the straps are not done right, or why the child is facing forward. Reading it once or twice is enough but blowing up the comments on the same picture a million times is really un-realistic. Please read and fully comprehend before commenting otherwise you and the rest of the trolls sound really dumb and are seriously one of those moms who should be scooping the pudding off their walls, and taking their phones away from their faces.
Because someone’s feelings or pride is more important? It’s going to hurt a lot worse if someone’s child were to get critically injured, or worse, in the event of an accident. I wasn’t always the most knowledgeable when it came to securing my first. Thank God a very nice and caring woman pointed out my errors to me. I didn’t care if she thought she was better than me or not. I didn’t care if others knew I had been putting my child at risk… because I could fix it now. I knew better, and I could now do better. It’s ok to be wrong. I was wrong. My child got lucky. It wasn’t that “well she survived this long so it’s ok…” no, she got a lucky break. I’m very grateful for those who care enough to inform ignorant people like myself. No matter how it’s said.
How did the person tell you though? Did they blast a Facebook photo or did they tell you personally? That’s all she seems to be saying. Some people are downright awful on the Internet. Check out mommy sites and you will see exactly what I mean. I have seen women accuse other moms that they don’t care about their child and they will die, instead of saying hey that chest clip is too low. It’s all about Conductive Criticism be helpful, not rude and demeaning.
I think that is exactly what she is trying to say. It isn’t about quietly letting a friend know that their car seat was buckled wrong. Or even just a mom you saw on the internet. That is courteous and respectful. It’s about being the 35th comment on a post that says “I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD BUCKLE YOUR CHILD IN LIKE THAT!!! HOW DARE YOU!”
Amen!!! My kids out-grew their seats long before the “recommendations” on the box. I’ve always had my kids securely strapped in, as best I could whether a carseat or booster. There’s no such thing as one size fits all, yet we expect every child to fit into carseats a certain way. You’re spot-on, the shaming needs to stop!
This whole blog post is very disheartening.. It is unfortunate that the feelings of an adult some how supersede the safety of an innocent child……
Maybe I’m the minority..but I’m grateful when some one offers me potentially life saving advice.
Sure the kid survived that car ride…because they weren’t in an accident. But if they were, those mistakes could prove fatal. Imo if you really care about another family…you try to spare them the pain of losing their child.
If your ego is more important than your kids life…there’s a problem.
Could people deliver the message nicely? Sure. But at the end of the day, I don’t really care…as long as they help me when I’m making a mistake I’m not even aware I’m making, they can yell it across a parking lot for all I care. I’m still thankful I got the message before any of my kids got hurt.
This isn’t a parenting choice. This is a safety device. There are right and wrong ways to use it. The end. There’s no “mommy war”, there’s no shame. It’s a darn piece of safety equipment. That’s all.
It’s because we CARE about the children and their parents that we say anything. How foolish to see a car seat improperly used, and not say anything. If that mom got in an accident, would you say “Oh, I’m so glad I didn’t say anything” or “If only I told her the chest clip was too low, the baby wouldn’t have flown out/have internal intestinal bleeding”?
Also, Fire and Police are not required to be car seat certified. They know just as much as the average citizen. Find a car seat tech through Safe Kids.
When a parent alerts another parent of something that could potentially save their child’s life it’s not shaming. My oldest was a couple of weeks old when a very kind and caring mother explained to me where his buckle should be positioned on his chest. Was I upset? Absolutely not. I was a brand new mom. I was tired, at times I was overwhelmed, and I was learning as I went. I was so happy that someone else was concerned about my child’s safety, so much so that she helped me. These so called “shamers” aren’t criticizing anyone’s parenting. We just want every innocent child to be as safe as they possibly can be.
Oh no! Someone made a post about something I disagree with! Look, she’s not telling you that you shouldn’t note an egregious error. BUT – you don’t need to make th 27th comment about how loose the strap is! Or even the 9th comment! Jesus, why is this hard for people to get? There’s a difference between politely informing someone and jumping on the bandwagon to prove how smart your are. I agree with the post – lay off. One comment, fine, thank you for the info. Otherwise, please find something else to talk about.
It’s not mom bashing. It is protecting an innocent child and possibly informing a mom that doesn’t know that she is strapping her child in wrong. As someone who works in EMS I can promise you that you would feel differently if you saw what can happen to a child that is not properly strapped in. That chest clip that some moms are commenting about, can actually harm the child more if it is snapped but too low on the child.
And you don’t like moms that judge or mom bash, but here you are, posting a blog that judges and mom bashes..
Yeah, because protecting another mom’s ego is so much more important than sharing information that could potentially save their child’s life..Here’s an idea, get over the fact that your feelings are hurt and consider the fact the these moms truly CARE, because guess what, I guarantee you 90% genuinely do! I have lost WAY too many people I love in car accidents and I would HATE for anyone to go through that, especially if it could be prevented. I will continue to politely share what I know, to anyone and everyone and if just one person learns from it I will have done a lot more for other mothers than this post has…