Can We Please STOP With The Car Seat Shaming?
There is nothing more exciting as a parent than posting that adorable picture you just took of your little darling, strapped into her car seat, little feet dangling and an ice cream cone melting on her chest. But the second you press Upload, beware: the mom-army Marmy is coming! They’re like Winter, but scarier. ‘Cause they will straight up Judge Every Single Thing YOU Do. The Marmy goes after your mommy soul and they won’t stop until you’re a quivering ball of emotions binge-eating Bluebell with a baby spoon on your kitchen floor. And you can try to unfriend them all, but you can’t always tell who they are. They can be anyone. They’re like skin walkers…one minute you think she’s that sweet woman from church, the next she’s straight up laying into you for being an awful mother who is TRYING to get her child killed. And you were trying, right? I mean, that’s why your little darling’s strap was an inch too low on her chest? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOUR CHILD!?!
*cough*
Sorry, I think that got away from me for a second… Look, can we PLEASE just stop with the car seat shaming? That’s all I’m asking. Just, stop.
Can We Please STOP With The Car Seat Shaming?
1. It does no good after the fact. Do you really think that mom who posted a picture of her kid in a cute dress is looking for advice on how to properly buckle her child? Was the mom who uploaded the video of her toddler singing to Ke$sha really seeking parenting advice? No. They want the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ earned from having a beautiful, brilliant, talented, adorable child. Bashing them over the head with messages about how the buckle is a quarter of an inch too low on the left is ridiculous. And you’re missing the point that their children are totes amazeballs. If you really care? Go visit  and talk with them in person. Otherwise, bugger off!
2. You need an engineering degree to get it perfect. Seriously. It’s like some of you get out a protractor and a level and check every single picture ever posted to social media to see if everything lines up. And HEAVEN FORBID the parent has a smallish three-year-old and they Dared to face the seat forward. C’mon, people. Don’t you have your own kids to worry about?? Lay off a little, will you? If the picture is posted, the child survived. Am I saying there isn’t room for improvement? No! But that advice should come in person from people who actually KNOW the parents and not from random internet trolls.
3. It will never be as perfect as everyone wants it to be. Ever. Ever. So if this is a mom you know and she’s sincerely done her best, lay off. And if this is a mom you’ve never met and you’re bashing her online? GTFO!
4. Does it really make you feel better about yourself to attack other moms? ‘Cause I kinda think that’s what your doing here. Am I wrong? I mean, it’s like there are moms who wait behind their phones to see someone post a car seat picture so they can be the one to catch the transgressions. I imagine you all, your kids screaming in another room, pudding running down a wall but you’re there staring at your phone…waiting to pounce.
5. No One (even you) is perfect 100% of the time. Kids are squirrelly and wiggly little monsters, and even perfect moms are going to have moments where the straps aren’t one hunned. It happens. So for your sake and everyone else’s be grateful that nothing bad happened and try again next time. That’s all I’m asking. Do your best and lay off other moms who are doing THEIR best.
Look. There Is a proper way to strap those little suckers in and if still in doubt parents can go to their local fire department for help. But that’s not my point. My point is that I see So Many People commenting on Every Single Picture of children in car seats and commenting is almost like a game. A sick, mean-spirited, twisted game of whack-a-mole: the parenting edition. And it’s GOT to STOP. No one likes this game except for you. And while you dilute yourself into believing you’re being helpful, what you’re really doing is acting as judge and jury over your fellow moms. Lay off. Just stop. Go figure out what your kids are screaming over, go scrape the pudding off the wall, and maybe step away from the phone for a bit and get some fresh air.
And now to make you smile…and for a little more help…
Want more? Check out the posts below!
A Note From Jamie: What I want is for us to find a way to HELP other moms who don’t know how to properly buckle a safety belt. To keep everyone’s kids safe. I don’t want the shaming at all. Instead lets build a community where we HELP each other, we show, we inform people that there are places you can go to get your car seat installed properly, that we show people the right way to do this without making them feel dumb for it. Let’s try THAT!
10 TRUTHS MOMS OF BOYS KNOW TOO WELL…
20 TIMES EVERY MOM RELATES TO DORY
No. Just… NO.
Correcting you is not shaming you. Your child’s safety is more important than your feelings. If your child is incorrectly strapped in, it is irresponsible of others to not inform you of this.
Get over your own feelings, and give more of a shit about your child’s safety than how you look on social media.
A simple, “Thank you for telling me! I’ll make sure to implement those changes in the future! I’m super happy you care enough to let me know!” is all it takes.
No apology necessary, no defending your ignorance, no freaking out.
“
Because heaven forbid your child is in a properly installed car seat, in the safest position & safely buckled up! Because of course your pride is more important than your child’s life.
Dumbest thing I’ve read on the internet today!
Maybe parents should stop perceiving it as “shaming” and start recieving it for what it is, advice. Advice that could potentially save your child’s life.
If it’s executed in a condescending manner, it’s not advice, it’s called being a pretentious a**hole. Adults give advice privately, instead of trying to embarrass people. Nobody will think you’re a better person just because you climb on your high horse on the regular and try to publicly shame others.
Wow, this is the most idiotic and self centered thing I have read all week. Well done!
Nope. Since I learned how to properly buckle my kids they have been buckled in properly ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time. Yep they wiggle and sometimes cry but guess what? I’m the mom. My number one job is to keep my kids safe and there’s no reason I can’t take an extra ten seconds to get my kids buckled properly. There is, of course, a nice way to help other parents but I would much, much rather hurt someone’s feelings and have them buckle their kids better than spare feelings and risk a kid getting hurt or killed in a crash. It’s that serious.
Think a chest clip on the belly isn’t a big deal? That chest clip is what helps keep the straps on the shoulder so a child isn’t ejected. And if it’s on the belly during a crash it can cause horrible internal injuries.
Think having the straps too loose to just being nit picky? Strap tightness is the literal difference between life and death for some kids in crashes.
If it is really more important to you to never have anyone question your decisions than it is for your kids to not be injured or killed in a crash then you might need to take a long hard look at your life.
Yes, this. Worst article ever, and part of the problem. I realize not everyone is always “kind” when pointing out a mistake, but 90% of the time, they are. Or they take it to direct messages. The real problem is the parents that don’t listen or don’t care. In that case, sorry (not sorry), your parenting could use some improvement.
Worst thing that happens when someone leaves a comment letting you know your child is not properly restrained: you feel ashamed. (Dawwww diddums!)
Worst thing that happens in a crash when your child is not properly restrained: death. Or a severed spinal cord.
But no, you’re right, your precious feelings are much more important and you mislaid your big girl knickers. Fuck those insane troll bitches, amirite? Idiots. Who says kids even need an intact spinal cord anyway. It’s not like it’s important or anything.
Hahahahaha I fucking love you
You say at the end you want us to help each other buckle our kids in safely. Yet earlier on you say it is not to be mentioned at all when a video of a kid doing something cute when not in their car seat safely is uploaded as this is shaming? Helping each other is drawing attention to something not being right. It doesn’t mean the person drawing attention doesn’t enjoy the cute thing. It doesn’t mean that they are themselves perfect. But they are trying to help. The nber of people getting a kick out of shaming must surely be tiny – that’s not what most normal people are out to do.
Its not hard to learn to strap your child into their car seat properly unless youre too lazy to learn. Kids deserve better parents than you. A parent who isnt so blasé about their safety. Keep your children safe, its your responsibility. No one online shouks have to tell you. Just like we shouldnt have to tell you not to let your baby crawl at the edge of a cliff you utter moron.
This post is rather irresponsible. And I’ll explain why:
Stop the shaming, yes! Absolutely. It needs to happen. It takes education to be able to know how to use a car seat. Not every parent seeks out this education. They should never be made to feel incompetent because someone knows better than they do.
Stop the education? Never. It doesn’t take an engineering degree to get it right, but it does take information and education. No one is perfect 100% of the time, however, car seats don’t work when they’re not used properly 100% of the time. This is simply how car seats are made. They are not made to be used improperly. It’s a safety device, not “baby gear”. If a kid was riding around in a helmet that was falling halfway down their neck, would you expect it to work? Would you say something about that? People get so sensitive about car seats.
It’s a matter of safety, though, not a matter of parental preference. If you can’t help out in a way that is positive and respectful, button up.
“Does it really make you feel better about yourself to attack other moms? ‘Cause I kinda think that’s what your doing here. Am I wrong? I mean, it’s like there are moms who wait behind their phones to see someone post a car seat picture so they can be the one to catch the transgressions. I imagine you all, your kids screaming in another room, pudding running down a wall but you’re there staring at your phone…waiting to pounce.”
… Seriously?
The entire (poorly written) article is attempting to make car seat safety enthusiasts to be Nazis or something. You don’t specifically state that you are talking about hostile mothers who attack and bash other mothers. You appear to be talking about anyone who gives advice in general. You are trying to make it sound like giving advice is “shaming” which is ridiculous. It’s common sense that shaming mothers is not okay, but giving advice- especially on something so important- is entirely different from shaming.
Most of the hostility and bashing I have ever seen in regards to car seat safety is against the ones giving the advice. Maybe people just don’t know how to take, or ignore advice without feeling attacked.
What an insane amount of self-righteous troll bitches. Point proved.
Amen!
Your comment is an island of sanity in a sea of obnoxious, self-righteous busy-bodies.
I think there is a difference between judgment and advice. We get a lot of unwanted comments, but how many of us give unwanted comments too? It’s all how you take something. You can either take it with a grain of salt and let it go or retaliate because you’re insulted for whatever reason. Maybe not assume that every advice given has a form of judgment behind it would be a start.
My 1 1/2 year old is still rear facing while friends of mine have theirs forward facing and theirs are around the same age. I’ve shown educational videos about it, but if they choose not to utilize it then that is their decision and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t think anything differently of them for it either.
Totally guilty of letting a mom friend know her child’s car seat straps didn’t look right and you know what, I’m not sorry. Not every comment one mom makes to another is in judgement. Sometimes it’s just as simple as wanting to protect another person’s child. The way you respond to someone’s comment is a choice you make. You can respond with grace or you can take offense and throw away a perfectly good opportunity to learn something that could save your child’s life. Can we just stop claiming everything is shaming? Frankly, it’s getting ridiculous and if you can’t take anything with a grain of salt you probably need to stay off of the internet.
Please understand something. When trained professionals give you scientific facts in order to HELP you keep your children safe in the car, we are NOT questioning your parenting skills!
With that in mind…
You are not a bad parent if you don’t properly restrain your child because you just didn’t know any better.
You’re not a bad parent if you don’t know the scientific reasons behind car seat safety recommendations, and therefore haven’t followed them.
However…
Once you have been told about how to properly restrain your child, and why by a CPST and you STILL refuse to listen to us and try to argue science and physics with trained professionals, THEN you are a bad parent.
If you have been taught how to properly install and uninstall your children’s car seat(s) by a CPST, and you STILL refuse to properly restrain your child(ren), THEN you are a bad parent.
My physics wins over ANY state law, or advice from a pediatrician who isn’t a CPST!
I’m sorry if the truth hurts, but that’s life and no one ever claimed that it was fair.
Wow so basically totally disregard safety, laws, and aap, who and CDC recomindations? No!!!! You should be embarrassed if your child isn’t restrained properly. I mean wouldn’t you be if the doctors and officials told you your child could have survived a n accident if they had been in their car seat properly? I will preach car seat safety to anyone who’s child isn’t properly restrained. If I’m a bitch so be it. There isn’t a can’t fix it after the fact, if you say something the parent could then fix their child.
Dilute yourself? I think you mean “delude”, and it’s not deluded to think that giving someone information that could save their child’s life is a good thing to do. Your absurd blog just says, in effect, “im too lazy to try to get it right and make sure my child is properly buckled”. Dumbest thing I have ever read, and it’s actually kind of shocking I even made it to “diluted” before my brain exploded.
This article is poorly written, and a joke to boot! Child safety is IMPORTANT and not something that people are attacking other moms about. If someone isn’t told their child isn’t properly restrained in the seat then how can they decide if they want their child to be as safe as they can be?
Also, you definitely don’t have to be an engineer to do it right, all you have to do is READ THE MANUAL. smh
It can be a matter of life or death. So of I do something wrong I’d be happy to know. I know the car seat rules so maybe that’s why I’m not so touchy!!
I think this blog post would be better if perhaps you had given people ways to non-confrontationally talk to their social media friend about a safety concern. What you said here si that if anyone ever sees something that worries them they should keep their lips zipped. Domestic violence? Not your issue. Child abuse – just ooh and ahh – get over it.
There are some people who take concern to a completely horrific level of embarrassment and shaming. I agree. But there should never be a problem with concern or education when spoken civily with concern and respect.
I would never forgive myself if I was so concerned with losing a friend for privately messaging them about a mistake that they might not even be aware they were making. That is my line and suggest that anyone who sees something that makes them so uneasy privately & lovingly say something like – “I love the dress you adorable girl is wearing! I don’t know if you were aware that her strap is twisted – and it could reduce how tightly the seatbelt is on her. It happens a lot in our car and I always try to catch it. Have a wonderful day with that wonderful babe!”
See I just wrote you a letter about the first image in your article. I didn’t attach you or your parenting. Treat people as you would like to be treated.
I like that, I like what you are saying a lot.
I agree with this.
I am a CPST. My job is to make sure children are safely and securely strapped in their seats, I would never SHAME a mother, and would hope nothing would come across like that, in fact I will rarely comment on the photo, but will PM the mom with a simple message, cute picture, I don’t want to offend you, but I noticed this, and this could be the result of not having it correct in a collision. Would love to meet with you and teach you the ins and outs of car seat safety, so that you can be sure your child is as safe as possible in the event of a collision.
I find this poorly written. I understand there are some people who flat out attack and offend people, but you made it sound like no one should open their mouths.
I could never live with myself if their next post was, got in a car crash, baby is badly injured from being ejected from her car seat.
What a horrible blog post. I’d rather offend someone and say something (nicely) than have an innocent child die. Car seats are hard to get right which is precisely why you should say something.. A seemingly minor detail could be easily overlooked and then after a collision the parent would be left with “why didn’t anyone tell me.” Imagine your guilt if you knew but didn’t say anything because a parent’s ego was more important to you than their kid’s life.
Come on nasty bitches! You really think you are such a hero for saving a kid’s life, it’s fucking car seat! People in the 3rd world countries travel on a motorcycle with their 4 kids. If u really care about other kid’s life, then you should be donating your money to alleviate poverty in these countries. Ever heard of a thing called LUCK, cause it all boils down to that. I would love to see your car get hit by a train with your kid inside. He is perfectly buckled, right?
You’re a perfectly awful person. Who says they’d love to see anyone’s child get hit by a train??? Holy shit lady, you need therapy or Jesus or something for your RBA (resting bitch attitude).
Car crashes are the leading cause of death for children 1-12 in North America. Some crashes will be unsurvivable no matter what precautions were taken. The rest however with correctly used seats are survivable and car seats are literally life saving devices.
So sad to see people supporting the facilating the deaths of children because they don’t want people to be offended by their own ignorance. If someone pointed put to me that I was doing something wrong, it would alarm me enough to check to see what I should be doing. I wouldn’t immediately tell the person to F off and mind their own business like I see so many uninformed parents do. They create the butt hurt all on their own. You cannot ignore something that would save a child’s life because mom or dad has a sensitive ego. Sure, there’s a right and wrong way to address it, but rarely does a parent who is easily offended care how you do it.
Wow! This is truly a stupid blog. If you can’t buckle your child in a car seat probably, don’t set yourself up & post photos online. If my helpful advice (not shaming) saves just one baby’s life, I’m grateful for that!
Congratulations! You’ve managed to write the STUPIDEST blog post ever. In the history of stupid blog posts, you get the big blue ribbon. How dare someone educate others on what is not safe for a child?! The heartless jerks! Some people genuinely have no idea that what they’re doing is unsafe, so it’s called “educating”. If they know and do it anyway, then it’s calling out someone for being a dumbass. Kids can’t make their own choices on how to strap them in, so parents bear the responsibility of keeping them safe. If you can’t swallow your pride and accept the advice given to keep your child safe, then you should be shamed. Stop being prideful and dumb and trying to shame people that are trying to help. Let me guess, you put your baby’s carseat on the top of the cart too…
What the actual hell? Are you serious? Sure there is a nice way to say things, and some people don’t always “use their nice words” but that doesn’t mean someone saying “hey just so you know that chest clip should be higher” is shaming someone. They’re speaking out because they give a crap about kids and their safety. How is anyone supposed to ever learn or know better. I’d welcome someone giving me advice that could save my child’s life in the future. There is no opinion here. There is a right way to install and buckle a child in a car seat. It’s not hard, but yes, it’s easy to become complacent, be in a hurry, or just not know. Sorry, this article is horrible. Kids safety trumps hurt mommy pride every time. Priorities people.