I Tried A Diva Cup And Now I Hate Life
Okay, let me start off by saying that I love the idea of using a Diva Cup. No tampons to fuss with, no scary toxic shock syndrome, less of an environmental impact; plus you save money. But- it’s easier said than done. Gird your loins, because we’re about to get messy. This is my Diva Cup experience…
For those of you who don’t know what a Diva Cup is, it’s a silicone cup that is used to catch menstrual blood in place of a cotton tampon. It uses suction to stay in place, and when you’re ready, you remove it and pour the blood down the toilet, rinse it off, and reinsert. Seems simple, right? I got my diva cup as a gift from an environmentally conscious friend who knew I wanted to try one. I knew there was a learning curve to using a product like this, but I figured it would be worth it in the end. Well; the jury is still out on that one.
So, I’ll spare you the details of insertion, since there was nothing really noteworthy about that, other than a slightly uncomfortable feeling that went away as my body got used to it’s presence, and getting a little more personal with my lady bits than I am used to having to do. I will say I enjoy going to bed knowing that I don’t need to worry about TSS or leaking. Everything was as promised when I woke up, but removing this thing was no easy feat…
It started like this… I’m sitting on the toilet and start feeling for the stem of this thing, and I can feel it, but I cant grip it. If I can’t even grip the stem, how am I going to pinch the bottom of this thing to release the suction? So after much fishing around, I still can’t get it. Okkaaayyyyyy…so now what?
I try lifting up one leg. Still can’t get it. In my head I am already imagining a frantic call to my friend and/or boyfriend begging for help in extricating this thing from my vageen. I lean left. I lean right. Jump up and down a little. No luck.
For a few minutes I sit there, completely stumped as to what I should do. Maybe squatting would work? But isn’t having to take off your pants entirely a little bit ridiculous? Is there a YouTube tutorial for this? No wait, I don’t want to see a YouTube tutorial for this. Are my fingers ridiculously short? How many fingers should I be using? It’s not a hotel lobby in there. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
So, now that I’ve been in the bathroom for entirely too long- I’m finally ready to get down to business. I ditch the pants, climb into the tub, and assume the position. I’m already thinking about how I’m going to need to bleach the ever loving shit out of this tub, and start fishing around for this mother-effer.
Okay, it’s a little more accessible from this position, but still eluding me. I start calling upon every childbirth technique I know, and bearing down like my life depends on it. The Rocky song is playing in my head. In the movie of my life, this part would be a motivational and inspiring montage.
This is pretty much the grossest thing that has ever happened in this bathtub, and my kid has pooped in here several times.
I can’t believe I still haven’t gotten it out. This is ridiculous. I’ve got shit to do today. So I push. HARD. I’m not sure how many fingers I had to use to get a handle on it, but I can tell your for sure I’ll never forget what happened next.
I start slowly pulling it out, thinking that I’ll daintily pour it out and be on my way. About halfway through removing it, I knew that wasn’t going to be an option. I can feel the pressure of the opening of the cup the closer I get to having it all the way out. It’s about to be a massacre in here. I know it.
I felt it pop open as it came out there was an audible splash.
It was everywhere. On my legs. On my feet. Pretty much up to my elbows (okay, that’s probably an exaggeration.). AND there was still some in the cup. It looked like a scene straight out of Carrie. I was entirely disgusted, but also impressed with all that my uterus had done while I was sleeping. Like, good uterusing, uterus.
I spend an unladylike amount of time considering taking a picture of it, sending it to my friend with the caption “LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE DONE.” but ultimately decided not to. Instead, I rinsed out the tub, scrubbed myself clean, put the diva cup away, and sent off these two text messages instead.
The first to my friend.
and the next to my boyfriend
So, I really want to love you, Diva Cup, but I fear you and I just aren’t meant to be. I’m going to try the smaller size before I relegate myself to using tampons forever, but like, I like my tub, and blood stains grout like a bitch. Know what I’m sayin’? I hope you understand.
Sincerely,
Bitter and Bloodspattered.
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I want to try the femmy cup. It has three sizes, a loop at the end, and it’s designed with a little lip so it’s not supposed to spill when being removed.
Now THAT was hilarious!!! I was wondering what the Diva Cup was like. I’m all for saving the environment, but this isn’t practical unless we have access to a restroom with a shower at work and on the go, and then there’s the change of clothes we need to carry in case our cup runneth over. *snicker* Someone should redesign them with a silicone cord and a small ring at the end. A fingertip could be used to locate the ring and pull it downward, and a simple release valve could be made in the reservoir tip, keeping the cord/valve in place with a simple groove that would release the pressure when pulled. With a teeny bit of tweaking, they could perfect the design and make it much easier to remove. Here’s hoping, eh?
Femmycycle cup.
I used it several times over a period of years. It’s was easy for me to get it out most of the times, occasionally having to push while sitting on the toilet to get it down so I could get it out. A bit messy, but only slightly more than tampons. My trouble with the lady cup was that “my inner walls” were too sensitive during that time of the month, so it was very uncomfortable/slightly painful, and I went away from using it again.
Better luck next time – it helps to do it while sitting on the toilet, as any spill just requires a flushing 😉
I could never imagine using a cup with my periods, as I’d soak through several max absorbency pads in a day. The amount of blood was one thing, but the horrible, horrible pain was another. I decided to go on birth control and haven’t had a period in six years or more. No more mess, and no more pain! Unless you want to have kids, I highly recommend the shot or going on the pill continuously (not taking the placebos). 🙂
hey, you should write a post about the expierence to try tampons for the first time… try to remember that also that took a lot of time to get used to…
don’t give up the cup on the fisrt try, it takes a couple of months to get use to it
Haha… I tried Diva Cup too, and didn’t have any problem removing it. I mean, I insert one finger and try to make the cup to shape as U to break the suction and it worked. But let me tell you that you are luckier because that means your internal wall muscles are stronger than mine, I guess. 🙂
My problem is that I have too much blood and I had to removed it to clean it in less than 3 hours. So, I decided to say bye bye to this s**t. No way, I will cut my precious 8 hours of sleeping because to empty this. I use a diaper – yes, you’ve read it right – and sleep all night long, I mean until my toddler wake me up. Lol!
Sorry if my comment sound gross, you can remove it. Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙂
Huh. It’s real bummer that your story is persuading people not to even try the cup. It’s also a bummer that you gave up after one try.
I also had a giant blood shower my first time, and it was painful. I tried to pull the thing out with brute force, fighting against the suction. With a little practice, I learned to pinch the bottom first to break the suction before pulling it out. Now it’s easy. I had some discomfort the first month when I pulled it out every two hours to make sure it was still working and it wasn’t full. Now that I’m comfortable getting it in and out and also knowing from experience that I don’t fill it up like I feared, I can leave it in for longer. With less frequent changes, there’s no discomfort anymore. Plus, I can get it in and out more smoothly now which probably also helps.
This thing is amazing! No more worrying about hiding blood-soaked tampons in a friend’s bathroom garbage for her or her sons to see when they take out the trash. With the twelve hour limit, there are no inconvenient tampon disposal worries. No more need to drink a big glass of water before bed on heavy days to force myself to wake up in the middle of the night to change a maxed out tampon.
No more waiting for sales to stock up on tampons. I’m 50, and who knows how long I’ll need them, anyway?
You can do it! Give yourself a chance to make a few mistakes the first month. Don’t freak out – you WILL be able to get it in and out, just stay calm and do it. Give it a try! It’s great!
I’ve been using the moon cup for more than 5 yrs now and I’d never use disposable feminine products again. Twelve hours worry free hell yes! I will admit I had some challenges at first I’m not a small girl so after sleeping all night reaching it to get a good grip was difficult but I managed and now I don’t have too much trouble unless I leave it in for more than 12 hours.
“good uterusing, uterus” Brilliant! Laughed out loud!
you funny, girl. And also, because I can truly imagine this same scenario happening to me, have helped confirm that I will not be trying a cup. Because you’re right, ain’t nobody got time for that!
You have just confirmed why I stick with my momma cloths and refrain from using any of the cups. I can see the same exact thing happening to me. No thank you! So glad I read this and that you were completely honest!
Oh my goodness I had such a laugh. I was in such a panic and my hand was cramping I was in so much pain and sweating. THEN I managed to get the suction released and the whole cup flipped upside down inside of me. Now I was really panicking!!! I think my whole hand nearly went in and I have never been so determined to get this jolly thing out!!!. I managed but was in a mess, sweating, blood,splatted I ended up having a quick shower then dashing out the door. I have nightmares when I see the cup in the bathroom draw which will soon end up in the bin!!!! Thanks for the good read 🙂
Omg I thought I was the only one… If I hadn’t my fingernails I’d never made it…(As in getting iT out)… Exactly the same horrorexperience. And getting iT in was also an Olympic sport achievement…But hey we’ve tried. Maybe we need to practise a little bit more ??? Thanks for sharing your story ? Ps mine is called “soft cup”
It can take practice at first to find the best way for you to remove and insert, it’s worth a few more tries. I would practice when you aren’t menstruating until you can remove it easily. Try your leg up on the bathroom counter or side of tub to remove, no mess if you’re careful but until you can do so cleanly, do it in your shower standing up with your leg up while you push it down like having a bowel movement. If you’re putting your leg up on a bathroom counter in front of a mirror that goes all the way to the counter, you will learn how to take it out without tipping or spilling and you will be able to see how full the cup is as you pull the bottom of the cup out before the rim is out. Try using your nails to grab the base to pull it down a bit before getting a better grip. I don’t worry about breaking the seal until I’ve pulled it down enough to get a better grip. I’ve also learned that if the cup doesn’t open right away upon insertion, you don’t need to mess with it to try and get it to open. It opens within a few minutes on it’s own. Hope that helps. Take care.
I prefer to use the disposable soft cups. They dont suction. They fit in like a diaphragm. A bit messy on heavy days, but easy insertion and removal.
LOL! I hated the Diva Cup. But my experience was a bit different… Although I experienced the same trouble removing the thing I had trouble with insertion too. Once I got it in I was in excruciating pain! It hurt so bad that removing it was one of the most painful things I have experienced in a while! I’m terrified to try again! But seriously, how the hell do you grip that little stem anyway??? P.S. You’re not a drama queen and I’m totally repulsed by blood too. 😉
This is what I’m scared of. I had to stop using Tampons because they caused Labor strength vomit inducing period cramps. I miss using them and want to try a menstrual cup, but I don’t want to spend a few hundred dollars finding the one that’s right for me only to go through the Tampon experience over and over.
Sounds like you’ve just put it up too far? I did this the second time I used it and I was frozen with pain in the shower. But I tried it again, and again and I still haven’t perfected it but it’s getting easier to get it in the right spot first go. Don’t give up, give it another go.
That was hilarious to read.. Lmao. Have a feeling it exploded because the seal wasn’t broke before you told without though. It says in the directions that you have to push it down (kinda like pooping) with your vagina muscles. Then grab the tip, pull and pinch and rotate the cup before pulling out to break the seal.. I’m assuming that because the seal was not broke thats the reason it exploded everywhere. I can’t even imagine how much of a bloody massacre it must have looked like.. Haha. But I gotta say I love my diva cup it’s amazing!
That’s one of the best articles I’ve used in a LONG time! ; )
*read…
Omg… I was laughing sooooo hard!!!! Great post. Thank you!!!
OMG I was laughing so hard…I had the same experience. I loved the concept also, but I tossed mine after that one use…I was not going through that again. I was an extreme mess!
OMG your comical as ol hell. Love this
Oh My LOL
I thought about trying these but this article makes me want to hold off a bit!
I have only used mine once. I love it though. I have very heavy periods and have found I still have to use a pad. But It saved me from the imberisment of having it go through my pants and getting up 10 times in an eight hour period to go to the bathroom so I could get some sleep.
Melissa, I used to wake up at night and change my pads, underwear, sheets. But I decided to use a diaper and the situation didn’t never happened again. You can also try those pads for urinary incontinence and see if it works. I’ve never slept so well in my life, even though my sister laughed so much when she saw me wearing old people pads. 🙂
Any woman who is more grossed out by her own vagina and bodily functions, than she is by HUMAN FECES FLOATING IN STANDING WATER…… Seriously needs to evaluate herself as it would appear there is some internalized misogyny rearing its ugly fucking head
I’m sorry that you had a terrible experience! You sound like a total drama queen! Haven’t you ever put your fingers in your vagina to touch your cervix before? That’s pretty much all you need to do to break the seal.
I would say don’t give up and try again. The planet is worth it. ??♻️ PS. Poop is way way way grosser than blood. Especially your own blood.