Peeps. Everyone has an opinion on Peeps. There has never been a more controversial topic around the family Easter table that has resulted in so much thrown ham. They are either a perennial Easter favorite or a much maligned “last treat in the basket” candy. Some adults have fond memories of these sugar coated marshmallows shaped like little baby chicks and bunnies. Others have fond memories of microwaving those suckers until they explode in a miniature reenactment of the last scene in the 1984 classic Ghostbusters film. Here’s the thing: if you don’t like Peeps, I’m not sure we can be friends. Okay, we can still be friends, but I’m going to seriously question everything I thought I knew about you…
If You Don’t Like Peeps, We Can’t Be Friends
I never got Peeps as a little kid. The Easter Bunny would deliver them to all of my neighbors. But nary a Peep found its way into my Easter basket. Instead the bunny would leave eggs full of gum and quarters.
As a teenager I finally found out that it was my mom that hated marshmallows. She also hated scrambled eggs. It was a texture thing. She MUST have marked “No Peeps” on the Easter Bunny preferences form, right? She also apparently asked for extra socks. Easter was sock season.
But adult me? I love Peeps. And flip flops.
An informal poll of my coworkers revealed the Peep controversy split our office right down the middle. Those who didn’t care for Peeps explained that the candy is just boring. They didn’t taste like anything. They felt super artificial, like eating a foam toy.
This year when I ventured into the pastel themed Easter aisle I was in for a nice surprise. Apparently, Peeps has been listening to the complaints. Because baby, there are now like a kabillion kinds of Peeps. Lemon Peeps! Coconut Peeps! Sour Watermelon Peeps! Blueberry Peeps! Chocolate dipped Peeps! Fruit punch flavored Peeps! There is even Peeps flavored milk!
My new favorite is the Peeps Filled Delights. Peeps filled with chocolate and caramel? Are you freaking kidding me? These are amazing! I’m not going to go so far as to throw down the word gourmet….but, yes….yes I am. These delicacies are freaking gourmet!
Just when I was riding on a Peeps (sugar) high I finally spotted something that made everything come to a screeching halt.
Nope. No FREAKING way! Now they’ve gone too far. Peeps Oreos? What kind of frankenfood monstrosity is this? Is that electric pink cream marshmallow? No! It’s just regular Oreo cream with neon pink coloring and…marshmallow flavoring? What the frick does marshmallow even taste like? It’s just puffy sugar.
I almost walked away right then and there, content with my basket full of Peeps Delights. And y’all, let me tell you, that would have been the biggest mistake of my life.
I was skeptical, obviously, when I took out the first Peeps Oreo. It had bright pink cream sandwiched between two vanilla cookies. But upon further inspection I saw that there was granulated sugar mixed into the cream to simulate the tactile sensation of biting into the microscopic crunch of the sugar coated Peep. It was AMAZING. Peeps did it! They made a monstrously delicious Oreo affront to cookie kind! And you know what? It DID taste like marshmallow! Plus the granulated sugar mixed into the cream was a lovely touch. It said to me, “Hey, this sugar isn’t just coating these Peeps to keep the marshmallow from being sticky. It is an integral part of the Peeps experience.”
You know what Peeps? You’ve made a believer out of me. I’ll try any sort of Peepsy frankenfood you throw at me. Peeps ice cream? Sure. Peeps breakfast cereal? Absolutely. Peeps Vodka? You’re on. Peeps Hot Dog? Um….maybe that’s one too far, but hey, I’ll try anything once.
Also, Peeps Oreos have a secret bonus: they turn your poop pink. Like BRIGHT pink. It’s the Easter gift that keeps on giving.
Author’s Note: I said Peeps thirty-three times in this article and I’m not even sorry. XD