Mom, Where Do Babies Come From?

Last night over Spongebob shaped chicken noodle soup my five-year-old daughter asked me the BIG question.babies1 Mom, Where Do Babies Come From?

She gave me the doe-eyed look that I’ve come to learn means I’m about to impart my vast knowledge of the world upon her. “Mom, where do babies come from?”

I choked on a wheat thin and prepared my best truthish-lie. (It’s not like she’d believe that stork nonsense, and while I don’t mind skirting the truth–I didn’t feel like it was right to flat out make something up.) “Well, when Moms and Dads love each other, and they think they time is right, they just decide to have one.”

She looked out the window, obviously pondering my words. “Okay, so when you decide, God puts a little baby in a mommy’s food and she just swallows it up then in a few days– Bam*– baby?”

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. I’d gone in with this big plan not to send her completely in the wrong direction on a subject this important. I should correct her, not let her think God sprinkles babies on pizza like Parmesan cheese. “Yup. That’s pretty much it.”

“Cool. Let me know when you decide to have another baby, because I don’t want to share any food with you. I’m not ready to be a mom yet.”

“I’ll do that.”

*Oh yeah, she actually said Bam… she’s SO my kid.

Comments

  1. Karen Akins says:

    I love that 5 y/o’s have the ability to equate cannibalism with procreation.

  2. Sherrie Petersen says:

    That is too funny! Good thing it wasn’t a Tell the Truth Tuesday :P

  3. Crystal & Co says:

    My 11 year old asked me if I was a virgin and my attempt to use logic and reasoning totally back fired on me!

  4. Ahahaha, that’s hilarious. Parmesan indeed. Heh. I guess I’d better brace for that one.

  5. Patricia Beaudin says:

    HAHA, too funny! My mom always tells the tale of when I asked that after seeing some cows together. She said she braced herself to explain where babies come from and said “Well the cows are making babies.” I said “Okay!” I skipped off.

  6. Amanda Hoving says:

    Oh I have definitely been there, and am sad to say that when my oldest asked the BIG QUESTION for the first time, I pretended I didn’t hear her.

  7. fairyhedgehog says:

    I wonder if it’s easier with boys. Willies are a constant source of conversation (from their side at least) so finding out the other thing willies are used for didn’t seem such an awkward thing.

    Or maybe it’s just that I’m coarse and that has its uses!

    I found that books that we could read together were useful for tackling subjects I found difficult, and when the boys got to their early teens they were very taken with a sex ed book I bought for them to read.

  8. Jamie Harrington says:

    @Chantele Sedgwick, heh, it’s the girls that kill us right? They’re just so dang quick witted!

  9. Chantele Sedgwick says:

    Hi! I’m a new follower! This post was hilarious! I am just dreading the day when my kids ask me that question. My oldest is 6, but he doesn’t pay attention to things like that. My 4 year old girl on the other hand… ;)

  10. Bleeding Healer says:

    That’s Adorable literally..innocent and smart at the same time..=)
    BH

  11. Janet Johnson says:

    Kids are great! I pulled at the collar when my oldest (now 7) asked the big question. I have no idea how I got out of that one. Something like what you said, I’m sure. :) And yeah, watch out for odd-shaped sprinkles on your valentines day cookies. ;)

  12. @Rhonda Cowsert, HAHAHAHAHA

    I seriously just did a spit take. Glad it was only water!

  13. Rhonda Cowsert says:

    *giggle, snort*

    My nephew was about 2 when my sister’s friend came over with her new little baby girl. The little girl needed a diaper change and, as an inquisitive toddler, my nephew had to be right in the middle of the diaper changing process.

    All of a sudden he points at the little girl and starts getting very upset saying “Uh oh mom” “Uh oh”

    My sister tried to reassure him that changing another baby was no big deal but he kept getting more and more upset.

    Finally he managed to squeak out a horrified “Uh oh momma – where did it go? Where did it go momma?”

    It was at this point that my sister realized her precious little boy had noticed there was a rather significant difference between HIS diaper equipment and hers.

    My always together sister freaked and told him “it fell off!”

    I think you handled this much better!

  14. @nicole, haha and mine’s never even SEEN me pregnant.. so why all the questions? (Actually my bro and his wife are expecting, I bet that’s where it came from)

  15. Ha! I’m shocked that my kids have still not asked more questions, considering how many I have! We are always telling them when friends are expecting too and they just get excited without the questions. I’m kind of glad about that.

  16. @Shelli Cornelison, I think that’s really what we should all take from this… she’s aware that being a mom is hard work. :)

  17. Shelli Cornelison says:

    LOVE this! And it’s good that she’s knows her limitations at five. :)

  18. @Karenof4, let’s just hope she’s 32… :)

  19. HAHA! What a cute conversation!! Yes, one is never quite prepared for the baby question.

    I think you did great! At that age, we always let them lead the conversation and just try to keep it as truthful as possible.

    Good luck the next time she asks. ;)

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