I am so very sorry…
What does an apology look like to you? I think one of the most important things to learn about someone you’re getting to know is what exactly they need out of an apology in order to feel like the apology is authentic.
This is hard, because you can think that your apology is the best apology in the world, but if it doesn’t resonate with the person you’re sorry for hurting, then it doesn’t really do anything at all.
On the one hand, any apology is a good apology, but on the other, that is honestly just complete and total bull, because some apologies are sincere and some are just hollow, and the only way to really know if the apology is genuine is over time if they don’t do whatever it is again.
But that doesn’t work for me personally in the present. I want a little more than that. You see, I’ve been spending the last ten years hearing apology after apology that never felt real. And then I would wait it out, and most of the time– I was right.
The problem with that is, when someone does something to me that is apology-worthy, I need more than an apology. I need an apology, an acknowledgment that you understand what hurt my feelings or whatever, and your assurance that you are going to keep protecting my peace and this ish won’t happen again.
And there’s the real issue. I need some sort of assurance at the end of an apology, I need to feel heard. How do you overcome that? Is that up to the apologizer to then assure you if you don’t feel like the apology is enough, or is that just a thing I have to get over?
What’s the answer here? How do we get apologies that give us the closure on the disagreement that we desire without upsetting the person who should be giving the apology? Because, so far every time I’ve stood up and said, “That apology isn’t working for me,” It hasn’t gone well.
It’s not that I want to stop spending time with someone because they owe me an apology. I want to still be friends and I want to still see what happens next in this world with these people, but I don’t want to feel like I don’t have closure without an assurance at the end of an apology.
I guess if you find the right friends, then they will understand when you ask, right?
Right?
