I Don’t Want Daughters, And I Wish You’d Stop Asking…

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There’s a weird thing that happens when you’re the mom of all boys: people seem to expect you wish you’d had a girl. I don’t. My boys are my life and every time someone asks me if I’m going to try again until I have a girl, it’s like they’re dismissing the magic and joy I get from just having boys. So here’s my answer, for everyone who thinks they should butt into my life: I don’t want daughters, and I wish you’d stop asking…

just boys

See, now you’re probably wondering if there’s some weird reason I didn’t want to be a mom of girls, and the simple answer is, no. When my first son was born I was terrified. What if I didn’t know what to do with him? What if he just wanted to play ball, or spit, or pee on things and what if I wasn’t the mom he needed me to be?

Then as he got a bit older it became really clear that the only person he needs me to be is his mom. I know it might sound selfish, but I love being the main squeeze in my sons life. I love that when he wants to be rough and tumble, he goes to dad, but the second he gets hurt, it’s all about me. When he wants kisses, I’m his gal. When he needs that little bit longer hug, I’m the one.

It’s this special, incredible bond and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

A few years after my first was born, I got pregnant again, and found out I was having a second boy.

He’s beautiful. Let me just start by saying that.

Not that I’m biased, or anything.

The second time around, I knew better what to expect. Hold the diaper over the peep unless I want a shower. Boys fight, but as long as there isn’t blood, it’s okay. Weird creatures are part of the package. And farts, oh farts are totally funny!

The biggest difference with my second is realizing just how much I love being a mama to boys. Not just the hugs and love, but the whole boy-ness of it. I love exploring outside. I love the rough and tumble. I love that my boys have a very hands-on approach to their world and that I get to see things through their eyes.

Sure, if I had a daughter she might want to be a tomboy and I’d still get to see the world the same way, but there’s a chance she’d want to be a girly-girl.

And while some moms want the hair, and girly giggles, and pink, and flowers, I’m not them.

If someday I have a girl (huge if), I will love her. I swear I will. And I’m sure I’ll fall in love with everything about her the same way I did with my boys, but right now I love my life the way it is.

So yes, I’m the mom of ‘just boys’, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.


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  1. I have 3 girls n when my 3rd girl was born a lady asked my mum if I was disappointed with having yet another girl. It never bothered us not having a boy our girls were our world. If we were meant to have a son We would have had one. We live near the sea n spent childhood years exploring, swimming, rock jumping n crab fishing. Girls can do n enjoy all the stuff boys do n still be girlie girls. They grew up n my eldest went on to have 3 girls one of which was an angel baby we never got to spoil. N not having a boy never bothered any of us. My 2nd daughter then had a boy n everyone was aww u have yr wee boy now isn’t it great. Yes it is great i have another grandchild whom a love regardless of gender. I loved being a mother n I love being a grandmother my youngest is having a baby soon n I don’t care what sex this baby is it’s my grandchild whom I will love n spoil. A child is a child sent to us to loved n cherished. A mother’s love in unconditional its not i love my children because they are boys or girls but because they are mine….

    1. This is perfectly said! I am fortunate to have three healthy kids and they happen to be boys. We did not find out the gender for any of them because we didn’t care – healthy baby was all we wished for. Sure it’s convenient with passing on clothes, sports and friends for them to be the same but we never take for granted they are healthy & gifts from God. Stay blessed & thankful!

  2. I completely understand what you’re saying.
    I have three kids, the first two girls, the youngest, a boy. And I cringe inside every single time someone says to me “oh, a boy, you must be so happy” or “Now you’ve got your boy” or “now you’ve got your girl and boy”.
    I resent those comments, especially if they are said in front of my daughters. How would that make them feel: “Daddy didn’t want us?”, “Now, at last he’s happy?”
    Hell no. I tell each person every single time “I would have been just as happy with another girl. Not because it’s PC, because it’s the truth.
    I have had to learn tons of girl things, tying ponytails and painting nails to name a few, but my main love is sport and so we go for runs, we play tennis, we throw and kick balls and we cycle around the neighbourhood. Passion is infectious, if I am passionate about something, my kids will naturally be interested in it – it doesn’t matter if you have different bits. And vice-versa: if they’re passionate about nails and hair, then I get better at doing THOSE things, too.

    1. I have all girls n they loved all the girlie stuff n then went outside n played football, wrestling, fishing, rock jumping etc children will do the stuff parents take the time to do with them regardless of their gender. My husband has been covered in makeup, nail polish and also bruises from being wrestled by all 3. All the stuff people think u do with sons my girls have done with their dad n me. Enjoy their childhood treasure every minute as they grow up way too fast..

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  4. I am the mother of three beautiful boys and love it that way. I often get asked if I will “try for that girl” or even “don’t you want a girl?” Speaking from someone who gets that all the time, I have to honestly say……I think you might be a little over sensitive. Girl, It’s called small talk. And I find mostly good natured.

    As for, they are “dismissing the magic” of having boys. Who in the world has power to dismiss that with an off the cuff remark? Perhaps you need to make the decision that these other people’s opinion or comments will not affect you quite so much. It comes across as more of your issue than their’s.

  5. Stop complaining. Most people see you have all boys and just want to make small talk so they ask the most obvious question, “Do you ever wish you had a girl?”… probably not really caring what your answer is but only wanting to get a conversation going with you. Blogs are annoying and people moan about the most meaningless things.

  6. I have three daughters and I get the same about trying for a boy. I also get comments on how awful it must be to have a house full of girls. Here’s a secret….it’s not awful at all. I also don’t have to put down boys to feel great about being given three girls. I’m sure if I had a boy I would adapt to the differences and love him as much as I love my daughters. When my body was creating a human, it didn’t ask my opinion on anything about it which I’m glad. My kids are 12, 10, and 6 and we are all close. Yes, we still have years to go but I’ll still be grateful for them, even on the bumpy days. I feel sad for the people who feel it’s necessary to make rude comments.

  7. Although I understand her point, I do wish she and others would stop referring to outside exploring as a boyish thing to do or a tomboy trait. Why does appreciating nature and the outdoors have to be a boy trait? Are girls expected to play inside with dolls all day and then be called a tomboy if she wants to explor outside?

  8. I agree, My husband and I are parents of girls and we love that they are two of the same sex. We had always agreed pain having two children regardless what they were. After having our second daughter we always had people ask if we we’re going to try again for a boy and mentioning that how we should and how I should give my husband a son like I really have control over that. My husband always responds, “girls and turn a wrench just a well as a boy can” when comments like thst are made. That always reminds me why I married this man.

  9. If your friends and/or “people seem to expect you wish you’d had a girl”, you are coming in contact with the wrong people. I’ve never heard of such a thing! I know many Moms with either all girls or all boys and this is ridiculous. No doubt there are people this ignorant, but in all my 60+ years I’ve never run into them.

  10. I could have written this article! I have two boys also… and I love my boys!

    I wouldn’t have changed how this worked out for anything. 🙂

  11. i am the mom of ‘just 4 girls’~ no sons!

    1. Why does that make her brave? To be a Mother to the children she was given? What an odd comment especially attached to this article.

  12. Thank you! I have so many people ask me this, also. And like you, if I was blessed with a girl, I would love her and learn to be a mom of a girl. But for know, I am a mama of three great boys and I love it. I am not biased at all, I just love the moment I am in.

    Thanks for helping me grasp that feeling!

    Hugs to you mama.

  13. You had to make a post about this? Really? Who cares what people think it’s your life, this post made it sound more like if you were to have a girl you wouldn’t want her. I have both they are different and I love them and never once felt compelled to tell people I would prefer one gender over another. Not like we have a choice anyway.

    1. I agree. And I think it’s sad that anyone would post this online where it will live forever. Imagine being the daughter who one days sees the words “I don’t want daughters” and “And while some moms want the hair, and girly giggles, and pink, and flowers, I’m not them.” – especially if that girl was a “girly-girl”… ouch.

      Do I sympathize with the desire to tell people to “butt out” when it comes to personal invasive questions such as “are you going to have another baby?” Of course I do, however some things should be left out of print…

    2. You say that because you have one of each. People don’t make those comments to you because you have one of each. I have all girls and strangerss are always making remarks like ” oh didn’t you want a boy or uh oh all girls” like it is a bad thing. You have no experience with this so you don’t understand!

  14. I can understand your sentiments very well. I have a beautiful daughter whom I love with all my heart. Everyone assumes that I would want to have a son next. What they don’t understand is that I’m very happy with the child that I have and for me at least for the moment my family is complete. I have no yearning for a son. Even if down the line I was to have a child I’m confident I would love the child and be equally happy whether it’s a girl or a boy.