I Hate It When You Say Things Like THIS To Your Kid
I spend a lot of time around a lot of moms and while I understand what a tough job it is, there are some things that really set me off. Thing is…a lot of people think that because I don’t have kids of my own I don’t understand. But I disagree. Just because my uterus is a barren wasteland where eggs go to die doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to be bothered by some of the things you say. And I get it, dads say these things, too, but I’m around WAY more moms so y’all are the ones I’m putting on blast. Moms: PLEASE stop saying these 10 things to your kids! They’re awful!
10 Things To Stop Saying To Your Kids
1. “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Um, they’re already crying so apparently in their heads there already IS something to cry about. So what, you’re going to be the parent who steps in like Godzilla and makes things worse?
2. “You’re not doing it right. Let me do it.” Or….let them do it wrong and learn from their mistakes. That can be a thing, too.
3. “Give him/her a hug!” Because you should ALWAYS encourage your kids to be touched by people who make them uncomfortable.
4. “You need to be a better example for your brothers/sisters.” Because your child is somehow responsible for the rearing outcome of their siblings…yeah, that makes sense.
5. “No one will ever love you as much as me.” Oedipus, much? It’s okay, though…their therapist will thank you for this one later.
6. “I hate you, too.” Really, mom? Is that really the thing you want your child throwing back in your face during those horrifyingly hormonal teenage years?
7. “There is nothing to be scared of.” Says the big adult to the tiny little person who literally has trouble wiping their own nose. Yeah, they can Totally defend themselves if things get real up in here.
8. “Because I said so!” Has there ever been a lazier parenting phrase, ever?
9. “You didn’t even try!” Or they tried really hard and now they feel like crap because you didn’t see their effort. Way to go there, mom.
10. “Don’t you think you’ve eaten enough?” Dear future body image issues… Maybe if they thought they’d eaten enough they wouldn’t have gone back for more, ya think?
Look. I get it. Parenting is TOUGH. And sometimes in the heat of the moment things are going to just slip out. Probably things you heard when you were a kid. But the deal is, you’re the adult. It’s your job to make sure these things pop out as little as possible so that your words aren’t the reason your child’s future therapist can afford a private island. It’s fine if you’re frustrated, need to walk away, need to call an adult to vent, but literally…STOP saying these things to your kids. Please. Because even though I’m not a mommy, I cringe every single time I hear them and, really, YOU should be, too.
I’m sorry but I disagree with a lot of
This…..but I have been you and not had children until I had ‘judged’ a lots of mothers who started families long before me….but believe me when you are a mother it IS different! When you have a screaming whining or loving cling on 24/7 it IS dofferent! However I do ALWAYS take on board view of non parents as no one really did when I didn’t have kids of my own. I always tell my kids ‘well that’s ok because I still love you’ if told the don’t like me (the Hate work is banned in our house and my 3 and 5yr old will actually say ‘we don’t say that it’s a bad word’. I will say ‘because I say so’ because I am the parent they are toddlers ….it’s no lazy….I’m just not going to spend all day debating with them….. And I DO judge parents that I won’t ness doing this ….I view it was molicodling and will not tolerate it. LOT of times a child will be Moaning and crying for no reason except that they don’t want to move or do what has to be done ….so I get the ‘give to something to cry about’ you have to make them
Realise that there is far worse could actually happen then you asking them to get a jacket on and get out the door! I agree with the doing it for them
Or telling them they are doing it wrong, this is a sure fire way to get a lazy child ….I always encourage and show what they should be doing ….but I do understand how difficult this is and how much time it takes ….therefore I DO NOT judge mothers who choose to do it for a child. My children will ALWAYs be responsible for each other!!!! What do you think happens if you are suddenly in an accident and not around!?!? My biggest dutie to them is to bring them up looking out for each other and always caring for each other ….I can not understand you thinking that’s wrong at all! I don’t say ‘no
One will love you more’ I ask every day ‘do you know how much I love you’ and yes there are things to be scared off….’but nothing in this house is scarier than mom can be if said scary thing is upsetting my baby….my kids know I’ve got their back!’ And I literally LOL at the ‘you e had enough’ sorry but you have obviously NEVER been to a kids party with a toddler and had to deal With the aftermath when said toddler comes down from sugar high and starts spewing in the middle of the night!!! But ultimately please remember EVERY child is different as is EVERY parent ….until you have been in that exact parents position PLEASE do not judge ….offer a helping hand and reassuring smile …a nod that says you know that feeling and have been there….or as my gran said….if you have nothing nice to say..don’t say it at all!
I have kids ranging from 16 to 4, including a special needs 7 year old. Wether or not you have kids does not effect how I feel on this post. Moms are so bad at judging one another, from working mom to stay at home mom, organic to drive through moms, homeschool to public school raised kids.
There is too much judging between moms, within women of society as a whole. I don’t use the term hate in my house but i have told my children I didn’t like them. From a young age I have taught them that hate is not a word used in my house because hate becomes all consuming and the object of your hate wins. I have also told them about the difference between like and love and I dont like their behavior how they treated someone or reacted to not getting their way. Thats me and my house.
It takes a village to raise a child. Seriously it does. We have become a society which does not want us to be involved in our communitys but we feel fine judging “or trying to raise a parent”. I see a lot of moms letting their kids act out in public because if they try to stop the behavior which ever way they feel is appropriate they fear what another adult would do to them. Instead of letting a parent… parent their children. I see it everyday where I work. If I saw a child bullying another child I would step in and try to correct the behavior if no parent was there, and I have. As I would expect someone to step in with my child if I were not present. I hope I have raised my chidlren where this would never be an issue, but no less is important. We as women need to come together instead of always puttiing down each other and how we raise our kids differently.
I like how the only parent referred to here is “mom”, because you know dad’s should never be held accountable in the rearing of their children… nope it’s all mom. Any time there is anything wrong, you hear, “where is his/her mother?”, no one ever says “what is up with the PARENTS?”…. What’s up with the mom shaming? just my two cents
Well, here is something to think about, perception is fickle, and honestly kids do need to be responsible for their actions and rather you like out or not they are already an example to their siblings and need to learn. Most of your comments here to mothers or off base. While some moms may need to watch their mouths maybe you need to take your parenting issues to a counselor and work it out and leave the parenting to parents!
4,5,7,8, and 10. Sorry, you’re wrong on these and here’s why:
4. Our actions have consequences, being a model of cooperation (not obedience), active participation, hard work, empathy – these are skills we learn, if it takes a village why wouldn’t siblings be included in that village. Kids get to make mistakes, they’re human after all, but learning at young age that their actions affect others is a good thing.
5. In a normal, healthy mother/child relationship, no one will ever love that child more. Women risk their health, even their lives, to bring children into the world. It happens all the time, but that frequency doesn’t diminish the inherent risk of pregnancy and childbirth. Given that your mother risked her life to bring you into the world, no other can love so selflessly and unconditionally.
7. I don’t know how many times you’ve heard a mom comfort her 2 year old for the fourth time in one night because the little one is having nightmares. But the words “there is nothing to be scared of” is pretty much standard response.
8. Even the most patient of parents can only explain why jr has to wash his hands after potty, complete with e.coli edification, so many times before you just can’t do the merry-go-round anymore. You may hear it first thing in the park, but that conversation may have been ongoing for over a week.
10. Yes, it is absolutely possible to have had enough birthday cake. Sometimes being a good mom means stepping in and making the healthy decision on behalf of your child. Of course they want more cake, who wouldn’t? But, sometimes they’ve had enough and if they’re really hungry there are better options.
I otherwise agree with your opinions. Just keep in mind that mothering is hard, especially now a days when everyone is judging your every decision. Unless you’re witnessing gross negligence or abuse, be supportive of mom, if she’s saying these things she’s probably at the end of her rope.
I have four kids ranging in age from 10-19 and I agree with you on almost all of these. (There’s a special circumstance where “I hate you too” can help to defuse a meltdown, at least with my boys.)
I thought I would be totally eye rolling because you said you weren’t a parent but most of these are pretty realistic. I think maybe you have to be in the depths of parenting to understand the need for the occasional because I said so haha and I don’t agree that you shouldn’t hold children accountable as examples for their siblings on the small stuff, no big life decisions or anything but overall the list is pretty spot on. I would say it’s important to remember that most parents are doing the best they can and even amazing parents have moments where they snap and say things they don’t mean. I used to watch parents berating their kids at the ski resort and I would think “didn’t you bring your kid here to have fun?!?” But kids can push all the right buttons especially when you’ve organized something fun for them. The best thing you can do is offer support so the parent can get themselves together enough to get back on track, I don’t think judgement helps.
….I am torn on this one. I am a parent. “Because I said so” is, in my opinion, okay for certain things, like if you want privacy or if youve already explained why they need to do what you are telling them to do and you know that they are just trying to buy time. Now if you tell them to watch both ways before crossing the street, “because i said so” wont be very effective here. They wont think its important. That needs explaining. Older siblings absolutely have an effect on younger ones and thus they have a responsibility and they should be aware of that. Of course they arent totally responsible for how their siblings turn out, but they do influence them. “Stop crying or i will give you something to cry about”- some kids are whiney! And I have told my daughter that if she is going to stand there and cry bc she cant have any more chocolate, than Ill give her a reason to cry, whether that be by grounding her or patting her butt for standing there and making a fuss over nothing! “Give him a hug” is cute when they are little and its family. Of course I wouldnt force my child to hug anyone, ever. Its merely an encouraging suggestion. “Nobody will ever love you as much as I do!” No, they wont. But when I say this to my daughter, its with a smile on my face and im holding her hostage and she is giggling. Its not like I am having a serious conversation with her and trying to talk her out of marriage….”I hate you, too” is only ever said jokingly and my daughter knows it. She has never said that to me and meant it. I would never say that to a child and look serious. “Do you think youve eaten enough” Ive never said that exact phrase, but you stay up with a child all night bc of a tummy ache. Children need to learn to portion control. They dont need to eat a plate of carbs. Youve eaten enough bread, now work on your carrots or move away from the plate! And of course, you always explain why. Its about health, not looks. Anything can be said in a negative light, but I truly cannot stress that you cant completely judge how to parent until you become one. Everyone thinks they can until they have children. We have all been through that enlightenment. There are obviously things that are common sense, but that doesnt apply to this list.
Completely agree with you Nicole! Claps all around.
What kind of people do you hang out with that says this kind of stuff to their kids? I’m sorry but this list is ridiculous…come back after you’ve had kids and let’s see if you would write this the same way. You are so far off with #4….if you really think siblings don’t influence each other and that they should set an example for the others, you are wrong! Wrong! Wrong! *sigh* Leave the parenting advice to someone who actually knows what they are talking about .
Well. Here is the thing.you can say all day, every damn day that you get how hard it is to be a parent. But, you don’t. You won’t know until you’ve been a parent, that’s it, end of story. There is no way to short cut or read up on, no way to observe it and think you get it. You do not. You can be annoyed by what you over hear, and I get that. You can think you will never say any of these things, but, you don’t know what you’re going to do or say until it’s your kid that you have taken care of all day everyday for years. You don’t know.
I bet had you not identified yourself as not being a mom that some of these comments wouldn’t have been so harsh. Clearly you were not personally attacking moms or motherhood. While all women are not mothers, we were all children and you can speak to how a child would feel hearing these things and how uncomfortable it is to anyone hearing them. I have been a mother long enough to know that being a mother doesn’t mean that what I do or have done for my children is always the right thing. Sometimes we need to hear from someone looking in on a situation to help us be better moms.
Because I said so really means “because I will not have a long debate over why you need to do what I just asked you to do.” You give them an opening, you have just signed yourself up for 30 minutes on why they do, in fact, need to take a shower, clean their room, eat their veggies, etc.
If that makes me lazy, fine, but I don’t debate with my kids over stuff that should not be debated. They know why I’ve asked them to do those things, they are just trying to avoid it.
It sounds terrible if you’ve never been there. I swore I wouldn’t say it to my kids. It didn’t take long before I totally understood.
This list is ridiculous. There is no “one size fits all” for parenting. Every child and every parent is different. Yes, there are some horrible, damaging parents- but for the most part- parents are doing the best they can, with what they’ve got, with the kids that only they know the best. It’s easy to be high and mighty and judge mental when you haven’t walked in their shoes. You pick your battles as well as your words. In the big scheme of things, some of these things on this list just don’t matter.
I have to agree with your list, and the mom brigade can go bash on me all they like since I don’t have kids, and apparently that means I have no say whatsoever, but being a child that had Both parents saying these things to me Constantly in the worst context, and not loving mother or father way, yes.. I can see just how much damage these things Can do. If you want to sit here and say that someone that is not a parent has no basis to speak up about parenting, and say that there’s not right to judge, yet you are judging Mary here and any other person that dares to speak up and isn’t a parent. You don’t know their story, but I do recall reading that this woman most likely doesn’t have the ability to have children of her own, and I personally don’t need to go into detail of my own personal story, but how dare you mothers bashing on the author here! Maybe take the post with a grain of salt that perhaps not Every parent is saying this in the loving, supportive way you think ALL parents must mean when these are uttered. Believe me.. I had the most ‘loving Christian family’ on the surface, but I can tell you that those phrases up there.. most were always said in a way to demean and ridicule, so maybe that’s the way they were being said when Mary thought to speak up about them. You don’t have to be a parent just to have an opinion on it.
I agree. I also don’t have my own kids but I was a kid with unloving parents who said all of those things and left me completely unprepared to handle what people came at me with in life. I had to become 50 years old to know that I’m wiser than most after all. I have taken care of, helped raise, and babysat full time more than thirty kids all together along with raising one niece. I said none of the things that my parents said. I treated them all with the respect and concern that I wish I had gotten when I was a kid. They were happier to be with me than with their own parents who did say and do all the typical things on the list. They behaved nicely when they were with me. I had no trouble with them once they got to know my ways. I got no arguments from them. They took me seriously but never out of fear. Out of trust. Certain related to me parents saw it and became jealous and vindictive over it and brought the story to a sad ending by criticizing and belittling me. The kids are grown and still love me but there’s a distance I keep because of all that went down.
OK. Anda, who doe’s not have kids. you are contradicting your self. first you say your parents were unloving then near the end you said you lived in a loving christian family. also when never having kids of your own you have no idea what it’s like. to those who have no kids and want to judge those who do just adopt a child and learn. i have 3 kids ages 9, 6, and 2. my 9 yr old has autism. to the author with no kids my middle child and youngest child when i can’t be there likeat school might have to be the protector of my oldest because he doesn’t even know when someone is making fun of him. so yes my younger children need to be supportive of my older child and an example. in my older son’s school when he was in preschool it was a school for kids with special needs they put children without special needs in the classroom as a peer example . that’s how kids learn from each other. the other thing i wanted to say was judge not. basically it’s not ya’ll job to judge it’s God’s job to judge. when i start to think that way i remind my self that i’m not to judge God is. you don’t know what’s going on.
I would advise you to spend less time around moms if what we say offends you so much.not your monkeys,not your circus.
If there is one thing I have learned since becoming a parent is never say never. Before was a mom I said I would never do every single one of these thing. After becoming a mom I have done every single one of these. I do fully believe unless you have kids you have no right to talk. Because you do NOT understand.
Yes! Said perfectly!
Yes! It’s a huge pet peeve of mine when someone who has never had a child thinks they can do it better. While I don’t say a lot of the above personally, what’s wrong with telling a child there’s nothing to be afraid of? You are reassuring them. I wouldn’t judge the way other moms choose to parent their kids, hopefully they wouldn’t judge the way I parent mine, and if you don’t have kids, you really can’t know.
No you don’t get it. You don’t. This post is totally irrelevant. Maybe you shouldn’t write about things that just “bother” you. I don’t agree that you have the “right” to be annoyed by this stuff when you don’t get it. You really truly don’t. This is a totally disrespectful, uneducated post born out of your lack of creativity and knowledge. Did you really have nothing else to write about?
Although I can agree with some of your points, I think that you also have to look at the bigger picture.
You hear a mom say to her child “you’ve had enough to eat”, and you are appalled, however you weren’t there the last time, when that same mother let her child eat too much, and they were sick.
You hear that mom say “you didn’t even try” but that mother knows her child’s capabilities.
As parents it is our job to teach our kids, whether it be teaching them responsibility by pointing out that they are a role model to their younger siblings, teaching them not to be afraid or teaching them what it feels like to be loved unconditionally.
All of that said, I respect your blog and it has made me think twice about saying “because I said so” rather than explaining to my child.
However, I now challenge you; next time you hear a mother say something you don’t agree with, maybe consider the possible reasons before judging. Being a parent is the toughest job there is. And there are parents out there who don’t care enough about their children to say any of those things to them-so lets applaud the parents who care!
I’m not gonna type some long explanation.
Just gonna say that although there are at least half of these that you do not say to your kids (I’ll give you credit there),
You’re right, you don’t have kids and sorry not sorry… You clearly don’t entirely know what your speaking of. Have a couple babes, get some actual experience besides spying on other mamas while out and about and then write a blog. BC your opinion on the matter really doesn’t count. Good day!
Some of these things are statements you only understand if you’re an adult. Children tend to be very irrational and need guidance. You have to teach them to not be afraid or how much is appropriate to eat. If my daughter wants seconds on bread, I usually tell her she’s had enough of that but she can have some more green beans. This way, she learns how to eat properly now Whitt lower risk of obesity or disorders like bulimia. Like her momma had. I also firmly believe no body, except the Lord, will love her like I do. I carried her, fed her, soothed her, and loved her from before I even laid eyes on her. I love her like no other. And because I said so, well, depends on the situation. She knows not to ask why in certain tones. They need to learn to respect your authority or you can’t raise them. You become their friend. And that’s bad news. Also, I know when she’s putting minimal effort into something. Like chores or extracurriculars. You just know. I guess it’s mothers intuition.
Maybe you should consider how mothers feel. Some of these, you ONLY understand when you have a baby or adopt or something like that. Maybe you should stop judging parents when they’re just doing their best. Birthing and raising a child in the way they should go is difficult enough without being scolded by people who don’t understand.
Adult is supposed to say mother. But I’m sure everyone here knows.
Ok since you are not a mom obviously you canot possibly understand a few of the phrases you want to stop hearing. Though I agree with you on a couple of the phrases there are a few you cannot possibly understand why it’s said unless you are a parent.
1. No will ever love you more!!!
Once you carry a human inside you for 9 months feeling their every movement. Enduring the sleepless nights before and after they are born, the pain of both pregnancy, delivery and healing, the feeling of joy seeing their faces and smile. You could not possibly understand the love so strong as a mother’s love for her child. Its a love that surpasses all. That my friend is a love that only one person can top and that is Jesus Himself. No one but God will ever love my children more than I do. That is including my husband though he loves our children with all his heart. A bond between a mom and her child is like none other.
You are not even trying!!
I agree certain times saying this is not relevant. However, since a mom has the strong bond they know when their child just wants them to do the task for them or if they really are trying really hard.
There is nothing to be scared of!
I say this on occasions such as roller coasters, shots, dark rooms, storms etc. I follow There is nothing to be scared of because God is with you and daddy and mommy are here. Nothing will hurt you we will protect you. Because I love my children like no one else I would give my life to protect them.
You need to be a better example to your brother/sister!
No matter what younger siblings look up to their older sibling. As a small kid their older sibling are so cool. So yes they do need to set a good example. I have watched my daughter as a baby do everything her older brother including the bad stuff cause she thought the world of her big brother.
Don’t think you have ate enough!
Unless you have endured a little one with a severe belly ache screaming in pain cause they have over ate. You wouldn’t understand. Most parents say This not because of body figures but because they know a belly ache is sure to follow if they keep eating.
So no you are not a mom and no you cannot possibly understand why these phrases are said. Not saying all moms are like this but the majority are. So until you are a mom you cannot blog or write about mom things or phrases.
You are so out of line. You have no idea what it is like to raise a kid. Adopt one and I BET you’ll day at least half this stuff.
Dummy.
No your not a mom and clearly you have no clue – we do our best – parenting isn’t easy and we all make mistakes – but to have to put up with judgmental crap from others too does not help. Personally I would prefer some tips and advice from other more understanding fellow moms.
No offense, Mary, but you’re not a mom of a human. Stick with a topic you have real experience in. It’s tough to take advice from someone whos not a fellow mom dealing with the daily ins and outs and actually experiencing motherhood.
I am a mom to a 16yr old boy my 12 year old bonus son and a very strong willed 3 yr old girl, none of those phrases will ever cross my lips, it won’t slip of you don’t allow it in your thought process! My mother used all and more of the above, I remember to this day how each one made me feel, everytime. I’ll never make my children feel that way, NO MATTER WHAT IS HAPPENING!
Your kids are very lucky, Jen! I know moms make mistakes, we all make mistakes. And it’s hard to see sometimes when you’re in the middle of them…which is why I write posts like this. I’m so very fortunate to have some amazing moms in my life and this list came from things they hear their friends/fellow mommies say. It’s so hard to be a mom, and I can’t imagine how much work you have to put in on a daily basis just to keep those little loves alive and thriving, much less watching every thing that might slip out in the heat of the moment. <3 Best to you and your babies!!
I have to agree with you with Number 1- that line always makes me cringe. How can any parent threaten their child with violence? Horrible. Thanks for putting it at the top of your list.