I Hate It When You Say Things Like THIS To Your Kid

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I spend a lot of time around a lot of moms and while I understand what a tough job it is, there are some things that really set me off. Thing is…a lot of people think that because I don’t have kids of my own I don’t understand. But I disagree. Just because my uterus is a barren wasteland where eggs go to die doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to be bothered by some of the things you say. And I get it, dads say these things, too, but I’m around WAY more moms so y’all are the ones I’m putting on blast. Moms: PLEASE stop saying these 10 things to your kids! They’re awful!

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10 Things To Stop Saying To Your Kids

1. “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Um, they’re already crying so apparently in their heads there already IS something to cry about. So what, you’re going to be the parent who steps in like Godzilla and makes things worse?

2. “You’re not doing it right. Let me do it.” Or….let them do it wrong and learn from their mistakes. That can be a thing, too.

3. “Give him/her a hug!” Because you should ALWAYS encourage your kids to be touched by people who make them uncomfortable.

4. “You need to be a better example for your brothers/sisters.” Because your child is somehow responsible for the rearing outcome of their siblings…yeah, that makes sense.

5. “No one will ever love you as much as me.” Oedipus, much? It’s okay, though…their therapist will thank you for this one later.

6. “I hate you, too.” Really, mom? Is that really the thing you want your child throwing back in your face during those horrifyingly hormonal teenage years?

7. “There is nothing to be scared of.” Says the big adult to the tiny little person who literally has trouble wiping their own nose. Yeah, they can Totally defend themselves if things get real up in here.

8. “Because I said so!” Has there ever been a lazier parenting phrase, ever?

9. “You didn’t even try!” Or they tried really hard and now they feel like crap because you didn’t see their effort. Way to go there, mom.

10. “Don’t you think you’ve eaten enough?” Dear future body image issues… Maybe if they thought they’d eaten enough they wouldn’t have gone back for more, ya think?

say what

Look. I get it. Parenting is TOUGH. And sometimes in the heat of the moment things are going to just slip out. Probably things you heard when you were a kid. But the deal is, you’re the adult. It’s your job to make sure these things pop out as little as possible so that your words aren’t the reason your child’s future therapist can afford a private island. It’s fine if you’re frustrated, need to walk away, need to call an adult to vent, but literally…STOP saying these things to your kids. Please. Because even though I’m not a mommy, I cringe every single time I hear them and, really, YOU should be, too.

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  1. Being a mom of 3 daughters (not to mention the handful of kids that I fostered) the 10 plus years of being a home daycare owner a degree in early childhood dev. also an advocate for young moms. There are many things I hate to hear as well. number one on my list is ” I know I am not a parent, but (insert in some run on advice) … Seriously you ease dropped into 5 mins or even 50 mins of a day in a life of a parent. You have no clue!

    Yes, I agree with number one mostly. Have you ever battled with a 3 yr old in a car that is singing one min? and the next screaming and flaring at the top of her lungs…so frantically she almost ripped herself out of her car seat. In the middle of rush hour traffic, you pull over scared thinking your child is dying. Jump from your car run around to the 3-year-old in tears and you say whats wrong whats wrong…she looks up and says a fly landed on me! did it bite you? child thru sobs..no ..but it was kinda cool walking on my arm and flew away (insert wails) UGH…ya so at that time a mom is gonna say.Stop crying!! and we will then go into reasons to cry…that is just one case of why a parent may say this!

    #2 yeah…. you have watched your 5 yr old that knows how to tie his shoe decide 15 mins before you have to be out the door. He cannot remember how to tie his shoe so he getting it! 10 mins and counting…..said child kicking his shoe off for the 5th time saying I got it I got it…7 mins and counting…yeah finally said, parent. you’re not doing it right..just let me!! Again this is just one fine example why parents do say this from time to time!

    #3 ..I do not know why parents say this…

    #4 Every person should lead by example! Sorry, you do not understand this.

    #5 As a mom and as a daughter of a mom that has passed away.No truer words. I would die for my children. Once my child has gone on to marry I hope she finds a spouse that would take a bullet for her…but at that moment at any moment in my heart I say this to my child I mean it!

    #6 I have told my kids They can hate me….as long as I can hate them back. Why? Because some things should never be said.Sometimes the best way to teach this is for them to hear their words back. 😉 parents know this.

    #7There is nothing to be scared of ….You ever had a conversation with a child? Try it.I taught my kids..there is plenty to fear but nothing to be scared of. I once had a kid that would scream at uncooked spaghetti …yep

    #8 again Have a conversation with a child or a teen after telling them No and giving them the exact reason.Then repeat it break it down for them about 100 x in the span of a hour…tell me what you would say!

    #9 Kinda like this a parent knows when their child has tried and when they gave up before they even started!

    #10 when a parent or a person ask a rhetorical question is to let their child or said person think for themselves…. Like, don’t you think your article is condescending towards parents? Or Do you think you could have done a better thought out article?

    All things that maybe taken out of content or overheard sound crappy and make you crindge. Even things you remember your own parents saying to you will not make sense until you have your own child/children. Best to stick with what you know.

  2. This entire article is a joke. You have no idea what it is like to be a parent and should be supporting the parent instead of judging them. Parenting is a never ending learning experience. You just have to take every moment as it comes and do it the best you can. Obviously, you want to pick at parents who may have been having a bad day for one of the many reasons that could have been going on in their lives.

  3. I am a also not a mother yet. I don’t know what kind of trials I will face when my Fertility treatments are finally a success. I do agree with telling your child you hate them is pretty messed up and I have only met one person in my who would even admit to saying such a horrendous thing and my opinion of her became very poor from that day on. The rest however is none of your business. You don’t know the families situation nor do you know anything about people’s kids and what they are like and who they are. I think your just trolling.
    PS your site is absolutely horrible to write on the ads are unbearable..

  4. I found this article just completely dumb I never tell my child that I hate her/him. But I do say because I said and most of the time I already told her why but the way I was raised in unless what the adult was telling to do or to do sounded rediculous or you would get hurt doing it you don’t question it you do what you are told! And yes I have told my child that he/she didn’t even try because I told her to go find her sneakers in the living room she walked in there stood there for two seconds came back and said she couldn’t I watched her do this! And yes I have made my child give her/his granddad hugs or his/her aunt or uncle because she/he is a stubborn little shit and is in this stage where she won’t do it if you tell her to! Yes I have told my child that she has had enough to eat because there comes a point when she is just over stuffing her self because it’s her favorite food! And you know what I was told I needed to be a better example for my younger sister and help show her right from wrong and it made me want to be better for her and helped me learn responsibility and I was really proud because I was helping her be a better person too! You took all of this shit pretty much and twisted it to sound like something horrible and yes I tell my babies that mommy loves them more than anyone else cuz I gave them life and at the same time they gave me life! It is true no one will ever love you as much as ur parents unless u have scum parents! Please don’t try and post about how one should be a parent when you haven’t got a clue! Because like you said you are not a mom! Right now you are just some stupid arrogant unintelligent women when it comes to parenting!

  5. I will say this one time, and one time only… you are not a mom, you dont know the struggles of parenting, this article is a joke. Useing prases like “really mom?” And “odipus much” and “ya think” shows just how awful of a wrighter you are. Don’t shame a struggling mom of a 4 year old with autisum who does not know how to calm down, or a dad who just got custody of 3 kids and is doing this parenting thing on his own not, just because they say a few wrong thins. There are much worse things you could say to a child than all of the above. I am sure some of these where said to you as a kid just like they where to me and everyone else who is now a new parent. I think my husband and I turnd out fine, and so did my mom and dad. Next time you want to make a “don’t” list make a “do” one aswell instead of all this snarky commentary that made this look like a twitter post from a middle schooler…

  6. Sure is a good thing that I don’t care what you love or hate, lol

    BTW, way to pick on struggling parents and that’s all this article is – one, mean, irritated lady’s bitching – if it was meant to be helpful it would have has many “do’s” as “don’ts”, if not more.

  7. I guess I must be a very exemplary mother because I have never said any of those 10 examples listed above and I know perfectly the ramifications they each can bring to my child, but that doesn’t mean I dont get to congratulate my child from time to time with sweet meaning phrases like “You are very special” which is a-okay.

  8. I’m a mum of 5, ranging from 24 to 10, plus there’s a few others that have lived with me over the years. I agree with all of these 100%, they are on my mental list of things never to say, along with “because I said so” a bullshit reason, just tell them why, it’s not hard.

  9. I would have liked to have seen suggestions on alternatives TO say. IMO, that would have made this article much more helpful.

  10. I honestly thought your article was a joke. I love taking parenting advice from someone that doesn’t have kids?

  11. I agree with all of these except #4. All people in general need to be concerned about the example they are setting for younger generations. I tell my son all the time that his siblings are watching him, so he should be aware of his behavior & words. Their eyes/ears are always on their older brother & it’s his responsibility to them to lead by example. I was the oldest…it definitely made me think about my actions more to know I was the example. It would be a much better world if we all were a little more concerned about putting our best foot forward & being the kind of people we want our children to look up to.

    1. Thank you! I immediately disagreed with #4…mom of five.

  12. I agree with a few of these but you need a dose of reality. Our kids need to be raised to be able to handle a life on their own someday. Your everyone gets a trophy mentality is making generations of entitled crybaby adults who expect everything handed to them. Guess how many of us parents give a dann about your cringing? Zero! I’m responsible for turning my humans I put here into productive citizens of the country i fought to protect. I refuse to worry about your threshold on parenting.

  13. Ha ha, funny. You have no kids, so seriously you cannot possibly understand. Yep I say every one of the phrases you list here. My advice to you, what I say to my kids is really none of your business. ?

  14. I personally CAN NOT take advice on parenting on someone whom has never gone through the 2’s…… first of all “I said so” is a perfect response for a child who is not capable of understanding why??? or better yet doesn’t need to know why yet! and next older siblings are responsible! !! YOUNGER SIBLINGS LOOK UP TO ADORE AND REPEAT EVERYTHING. ..their older sibling does!!! I could go on and on but I remember the day before I had children ….”When I would never….” and then I actually became a mother and my perspective changed!

  15. Enough of the shaming!!!! First time parents feel bad enough! Some of this should not be said, true. But as a parent, some things that are said because of upbringing, and some said out of instinct, especially with a daredevil/unruly child. As a looker-on, I would not expect you to understand. I was once a looker-on with no expectation of ever having children. And I thought the same. Well, things change. Now my son is turning 3 in a week. And any PARENT will tell you the same. What works one week, may not the next. We are ALL trying to do the best that we can. So if your intention was to start a riot, CONGRATS! That’s exactly what you’ve done. You have turned parent against parent, yet again. But for those who are actually seeking HELP because you are at your wits end… Know this… Whether you are a new parent or experienced, there is someone going through exactly what you are. It doesn’t matter who says what, because as long as you are doing the best that you can, and you love your child, you know what is best. All children are different, just like all humans are different. Just trust your gut and your heart. You know who’s words to heed, and who’s to say “Whatever”. Some things will work, and some things won’t. You have to find what works best for your situation. And for those that have no children to raise every day, “You have no idea what it’s like”.

  16. I wish this article said more WHAT to say than what they hate is said. Don’t get me wrong, I agree with what you are saying. I wish more younger parents said no to their children and they just don’t. I wish moms were nicer to other moms, and most of them aren’t. I didn’t know that parenting was a contest, and it’s truly sad when parents are not looking at the bigger picture. While I want my children to be happy, and happy at school, I’m truly tired of the parenting community that thinks it is okay to not say no. Sorry on a tangent here. Please post another article that discusses what you like to hear your parents say. It would make my surrounding world better. thanks!

  17. “Because I said so” usually is the end game for mothers who have already given the rational explanation of why something needs to be done at least 234 times already.

    “Go brush your teeth.”
    “So you won’t get cavities.”
    …….*repeat rational explanations of why brushing teeth is important 233 more times*….

    “Why??? ”

    In other words, this isn’t your child’s decision. This is something that needs to be done now, all explanations have previously been conveyed, and we will waste no more time debating it.

    That isn’t due to lazy parenting. That is due to exhaustion. Kids know when they hear “Because I said so” the argument is over. You may not have heard the 234 rational explanations that have been given before the mom says those words, but I guarantee you that the child has.

  18. Sorry today i would not encourage my child to be touched by anybody if she is uncomftable with there is no way i will do that! Everything else i see similar.

  19. just wait Mary , you’ll have your turn whether you adopt or some reason God gives you a child . then you will look back at this and say omg i swore i wasn’t gonna say that or do that. you’ll see your time will come.

  20. I had extremely loving and supportive parents, thanks to them I was very independent by the time I left school and still now have a great relationship with them. They said most of the above things to me without damaging me, I think it all comes down to the context in which they’re used and the general relationship between parents and children. But the way, I am also a parent and try bit or use these regularly, but as already describes by other parents, there are times when a lot of them are applicable. I think you have to see the whole story to know whether they were said appropriately or not. Mum (parent) bashing is part of daily life unfortunately, so I can see why so many people get upset by posts like this, although I’m sure it wasn’t written with this in mind

  21. I remember when I was the perfect parent; before I had kids.

    1. Oh, I know! Weren’t we all? It’s amazing how we all know what to do and not to do in order to be perfect parents before we are even parents ourselves. And we never had any problem calling out parents when they did something we would never do to our kids because it’s just so awful and obviously psychologically damaging to them. Fast forward to a few years later when we now have children and not only are we doing most if not all of the things we swore we wouldn’t do as parents, but we also find ourselves online defending ourselves against someone who isnt a parent but apparently knows everything about being a perfect parent. Of course we are all doing it wrong, according to them! That’s OK though. One day, hopefully these “experts” will get to know what it’s really like to be a parent and will have to deal with the next group of non-parent parenting experts.

  22. What an utterly appalling article from someone who has absolutely no clue about being a parent, specifically a mother. Until you have given birth to a human being, lost countless hours of sleep, lost yourself even in the love, joy and bewildering world that is parenting, you have no right to judge. I am completely sick of the mother bashing that I see and hear. I have never had so many unwanted and unsought comments, criticisms and the like since I became a parent. My child is my business and I neither want or need yours and the likes interference or opinions on our lives. Please if you care this much about how us mums are raising our kids then go and adopt a child. Then you will actually see what it’s all about. Until then get off your soap box and mind your own business while we mind ours.

  23. You really need to stop giving your opinion on something you know nothing about! You say you’ve spent time with moms – spend some time with the kids then you might even have a slight insight on what it means to raise a child and deal with them 24/7.
    And yes they do cry for no reason – just because!
    As for no10 – I think you need to look at yourself before you start commenting on other people’s children.

  24. I agree with all these points. My mom said every single one of these. The most frequent one being the number 2, because she always wanted to do everything fast and she felt she was more “efficient”, well, clearly she just didn’t have the patience. And the constant jamming of being an example for my little brother, who was actually him who had to be better, it was truly annoying.
    I do find the phrase “because I said so” also to be the laziest thing ever. Instead of explaining the child the reasons why, just throw that phrase and expect them to behave like little robos obeying every command. Terrible.

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