I Tried A Diva Cup And Now I Hate Life
Okay, let me start off by saying that I love the idea of using a Diva Cup. No tampons to fuss with, no scary toxic shock syndrome, less of an environmental impact; plus you save money. But- it’s easier said than done. Gird your loins, because we’re about to get messy. This is my Diva Cup experience…
For those of you who don’t know what a Diva Cup is, it’s a silicone cup that is used to catch menstrual blood in place of a cotton tampon. It uses suction to stay in place, and when you’re ready, you remove it and pour the blood down the toilet, rinse it off, and reinsert. Seems simple, right? I got my diva cup as a gift from an environmentally conscious friend who knew I wanted to try one. I knew there was a learning curve to using a product like this, but I figured it would be worth it in the end. Well; the jury is still out on that one.
So, I’ll spare you the details of insertion, since there was nothing really noteworthy about that, other than a slightly uncomfortable feeling that went away as my body got used to it’s presence, and getting a little more personal with my lady bits than I am used to having to do. I will say I enjoy going to bed knowing that I don’t need to worry about TSS or leaking. Everything was as promised when I woke up, but removing this thing was no easy feat…
It started like this… I’m sitting on the toilet and start feeling for the stem of this thing, and I can feel it, but I cant grip it. If I can’t even grip the stem, how am I going to pinch the bottom of this thing to release the suction? So after much fishing around, I still can’t get it. Okkaaayyyyyy…so now what?
I try lifting up one leg. Still can’t get it. In my head I am already imagining a frantic call to my friend and/or boyfriend begging for help in extricating this thing from my vageen. I lean left. I lean right. Jump up and down a little. No luck.
For a few minutes I sit there, completely stumped as to what I should do. Maybe squatting would work? But isn’t having to take off your pants entirely a little bit ridiculous? Is there a YouTube tutorial for this? No wait, I don’t want to see a YouTube tutorial for this. Are my fingers ridiculously short? How many fingers should I be using? It’s not a hotel lobby in there. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
So, now that I’ve been in the bathroom for entirely too long- I’m finally ready to get down to business. I ditch the pants, climb into the tub, and assume the position. I’m already thinking about how I’m going to need to bleach the ever loving shit out of this tub, and start fishing around for this mother-effer.
Okay, it’s a little more accessible from this position, but still eluding me. I start calling upon every childbirth technique I know, and bearing down like my life depends on it. The Rocky song is playing in my head. In the movie of my life, this part would be a motivational and inspiring montage.
This is pretty much the grossest thing that has ever happened in this bathtub, and my kid has pooped in here several times.
I can’t believe I still haven’t gotten it out. This is ridiculous. I’ve got shit to do today. So I push. HARD. I’m not sure how many fingers I had to use to get a handle on it, but I can tell your for sure I’ll never forget what happened next.
I start slowly pulling it out, thinking that I’ll daintily pour it out and be on my way. About halfway through removing it, I knew that wasn’t going to be an option. I can feel the pressure of the opening of the cup the closer I get to having it all the way out. It’s about to be a massacre in here. I know it.
I felt it pop open as it came out there was an audible splash.
It was everywhere. On my legs. On my feet. Pretty much up to my elbows (okay, that’s probably an exaggeration.). AND there was still some in the cup. It looked like a scene straight out of Carrie. I was entirely disgusted, but also impressed with all that my uterus had done while I was sleeping. Like, good uterusing, uterus.
I spend an unladylike amount of time considering taking a picture of it, sending it to my friend with the caption “LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE DONE.” but ultimately decided not to. Instead, I rinsed out the tub, scrubbed myself clean, put the diva cup away, and sent off these two text messages instead.
The first to my friend.
and the next to my boyfriend
So, I really want to love you, Diva Cup, but I fear you and I just aren’t meant to be. I’m going to try the smaller size before I relegate myself to using tampons forever, but like, I like my tub, and blood stains grout like a bitch. Know what I’m sayin’? I hope you understand.
Sincerely,
Bitter and Bloodspattered.
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I had a similar experience, but ended up in a panic and had no other alternative than to go to the Medical Centre as soon as it opened before work and ask a doctor to remove it! I had to ring my boss and say that I needed to go to the Medical Centre for a medical emergency before work and would be late! The doctor lady hadn’t even heard of the Diva Cup so didn’t know what she was ‘looking for’ and even she struggled to remove it. Needless to say, I obviously had the wrong size, I told her to put it straight in the rubbish bin! Never again! ☹️
Haha … I also used a cup called ” Ju Ju “cup …just persist with it it does get easier I promise … All the best hope it works out for u
I use the juju cup too. I struggled in the beginning but decided I would only wear it in the afternoon then use my evening shower time to practice getting it out. Once I was comfortable getting it out easy enough I started using it during the day and overnight.
Also, in relation to not getting a grip of it, I found I have to wipe my fingers and stem to make sure it is dry and easy to grip.
Good luck. It take practice and by the sounds of it the right size to get everything working the way it should.
Great article; Dare I say – totally entertaining, regardless of the content! It’s amazing how great writers can compel readers to return, even when the topic is a little less inviting! So, kudos to wrangling in another fan 😉
Closer to topic… I hear the Honest Company has come out with a chemical-free tampon! I’m sure it’ll be pricier than “pearls,” but it may ease the tampon cons enough to opt for the cleaner solution – commonly known in my household as “Mommy sticks!”
🙂 Joy
Why leave it in so long?? Especially if you know it’s going to be so full it’s spilling everywhere, yuck.
I use mine, dump every 8ish hours, before bed and as soon as I get up and have never been even close to making a mess.
This may help those with this issue…
Also it sounds like you are inserting it too deep, you should be able to to insert your finger to the first knuckle and be able to touch the title at the cups bottom. If you can’t you’ve inserted it too far, and that would make it harder to remove.
Luckily I have a light period so I haven’t had any splatter problems. But I really struggled to get my cup out at first. I can’t sleep with it though, I tried once and woke up covered in blood.
I would suggest you try other brands some are longer and more flexible then the diva cup personally I hated the diva cup but love the lung cup and skoon
Give me a break. Don’t pull it, pinch it. I love where we have come as women; weird about our bodies, whining about “digging” around “in there”. So dramatic. So dainty. Way to scare off potential users in life situations that a diva cup could be life changing, like for homeless women. Gag me.
I read the menstral cup feeds on live journal, got lots of tips and was able to appreciate the cup after three months. I now even use it when camping. I have been using the menstral cup for eight years now…don’t give up. Also there a lots of different kinds maybe diva isn’t for you.
Don’t give up on menstrual cups just yet. Diva cup gets a lot of hype, thanks to advertising, but it isn’t all that great and definitely not original. Buy mooncup uk on Amazon. A lot of people try diva cup and give up.
My sentiments exactly lady…. Clean up would by your nightmare and that I can’t have! Uck. The digging is what got to me…ever have that one string from the tampon that you are literally digging around FOREVER trying to find and your at work, and people are waiting…….and OOH MY GOODNESS I cannot fathom having to do this digging and clean up……nope.
I’m menopausal now, but back in the day used a diaphragm for contraception. It was great during a period and not difficult to remove. It is wider and shallower with a padded flexible spring-like rim. It was easy to grab one edge of it and pull it out — it kind of folds together a bit both on insertion and removal and contains the contents as it comes out. No suction involved which I imagine can make the diva cup a bit harder to dislodge. I was a childbirth educator/birth coach, so also maybe not unaccustomed to lady parts/bodily fluids exposure;-]
This is exactly what happens to me with the menstrual cup! There are days when I just leave it in for another hour and try to relax myself and my muscles first (and try not to cry from frustration) before giving birth to it! Hahaha It does need a little bit of practice and getting used to especially taking it out. As for the spillage, I recommend trying the Lily Cup, it has a non-spill component to the cup that prevents it from spilling all over even if full. It also comes in a softer silicone, for me it’s easier to grip the base and take out 🙂
The cup is in a vacuum after setting it inn!!! You only have to press a little bit with one or two fingers and u pull it iut like nothing.
YouTube would explain it if u give it a try BEFORE use.
I have never use it, but I always thought it will be like that!
I am glad I never did try it
Hahahahaha
There IS freedom In the future. I am in menopause and loving it. I don’t miss the monthly va-jay-jay chronicles at all! I feel for you , but I smile that I am not one of you anymore xxo. 🙂 Hang in there.
I had the same freaking experience and I gave the thing the 4 cycles everyone said to. I got to the point I could get it in and out fine, but even as carefully as I thought I was being, I still found blood splattered from one end of the bathroom to the other. So instead of quickly putting in a tampon, now with diva cup you have to include bathroom clean up time. I got tired of digging around in my vajaja, and as nice as being able to go 12 hours, when the clock struck 12, panic and dread set in. So I switched back to tampons and have never been so relieved in all my life!
It sounds like you actually had it too far inside you. Period cups are suppose to sit inside you just behind the pelvic bone dent or “g” spot area. I love mine, but it certainly has a large learning curve of how deep your suppose to place it in there. I use a luna cup because it comes with a longer stem you can custom trip. I found that the diva cup stem is too short.
Aw, that happened to me the first couple of times I used one (not a Diva Cup but another brand). Once you get the hang of it, that doesn’t happen anymore. Promise. I’d say that the absolute best part of a menstrual cup (such a gross name) is the week or so at the end of your period where there’s not enough blood for a tampon, but it just kind of comes and goes and often catches you off guard. You can leave the cup in for days and it catches all the yucky stuff without it being a bother. Maybe you should just try it as your period is winding down.
Week or so at the end of ur period? How long does your period last?
Brava! Probably one of the best reads in forever. I was in hysterical fits of laughter while in bed with my husband. I read him snippets while I wasn’t crying from laughter.
I absolutely loved hearing about your experience. I was cracking up! I love your writing style and would love to read more by you!
I want your boyfriend! My husband would NEVER even think of getting me tampons. Hell, he won’t even pick up milk without a heavy sign!
I can’t comment about the Diva Cup, however, Awesome spray from Dollar Tree is amazing on grout…sure it would even clean up bloody grout!
Bahaha!! I laughed so hard!!!
if you are so brave to try again, maybe try the cup with a longer stem. it will help with the removal 😉
So just curious, did you try the smaller cup and have better luck???? I can honestly say I’ve never heard of this invention until today.
Is there an affiliated ad for tampax pearl in this?
Lol that’s what I was thinking! I have never had an issue with my cup that I didn’t have with tampons. It’s really not this dramatic.
I had a similar experience and hate the Diva Cup. I wrote to the customer service about my experience and they gave suggestions on how to insert, where it should sit etc. I tried and still the same outcome. Tried for two cycles and decided getting messy every time is not worth it. I’ll never use it again. Good concept, but it’s not the best choice for everyone.
I though the same.. Hmm..