What It’s Like To Be The Odd Mom Out

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I don’t know what it is about me, but other moms just don’t like me, or at least they don’t want to talk to me at the bus stop. It might be the area I’m in. Maybe it’s because I look really young (to be fair, I am a young mom). Maybe it’s because I have resting bitch face. It could be because instead of using  “kid voice” when I speak to my kids I just talk to them like I talk to everyone else. I don’t know. It’s totally fine, I’ve never been the type of person who needs to fit in, but it can be tricky when you have little eyes watching and wondering why the other moms seem to avoid having to talk to you. This is what it’s like to be the odd mom out.

What it's Like To be the odd mom out

I will admit that I’m not what you would call a conventional mom. I cringe when I use that term because I feel like no mom really feels like a “conventional mom”,  but for lack of a better word, we’re going to use it.

I am a younger mom, and generally just a smaller person, so I tend too look even younger than I actually am. I wear leggings and over sized T-shirts. I love skinny jeans, cardigans, and boots. I have long messy hair that is most likey thrown into what I like to call the “F-it bun” (you all know what i’m talking about). I carry a backpack instead of a diaper bag. I wear winged eyeliner. I know how to use Twitter and Periscope. I know who Fetty Wap is (unfortunately). I talk about Harry Potter with your kids. Most people, when you look at me, would not immediately think “mom”.

But, like any mom knows, being a mom is the most important thing in my life. I hand-make my kids Christmas stockings. I work from home so my kids don’t have to go to daycare. They go to ballet and gymnastics, just like other kids do. I make homemade granola bars. I painstakingly match their tiny little socks and sort out their legos just like any other mom does. I DIYed our “elf on the shelf” because good god, who wants to spend 30 dollars on that creepy little dude? I love my kids, just like other moms do.

So what is it about me that makes other moms so weird about me?  It’s in line at school. It’s at piano lessons. I get that I probably get mistaken for the babysitter, or people are judging me, some people are extroverted, or I’m just intimidating.

But, what REALLY irks me, is that I’ve tried making conversation with these women at the bus stop more than once. They’re polite and they answer, but there is always an underlying feeling of unease, like they’re wondering why I’m talking to them and they’re just waiting for me to usher my kid onto the bus and go home. It’s a little bothersome that I know your children’s birthdays and you don’t even want to know my name. Meh. It’s more effort to make conversation with these women who obviously have no interest in including me in their conversation than I’m willing to put in.

To be fair, the last thing I want to do is talk about mom probs at 7am. I have nothing in common with these women, and in a life without children, we probably would not be friends. BUT- these are the mothers of the kids that hang out in my yard with my daughter after school. It’s almost as if I feel the need to let them know that, I too, am a normal mother, so that they won’t feel weird about their children playing with my children. So far it’s been fine, but there are other issues that are more worrisome than just not being courted by the mom cliques.

If you think your kids don’t notice that three moms are all grouped together and you are standing by yourself- you’re wrong. They definitely notice when these women are together and obviously gossiping about you. Yes, this happens on occasion. Yes, I always look to see if myself or my kids are wearing something weird. My kids are all well groomed and wearing clean clothes that fit. Did I forget to wear a bra? Is my hair crazy? Nope. They’re just rude.

“Mom, how come the other moms don’t talk to you?”


You would think that, as moms, we would try to include each other in polite conversation, after all, we all have something in common. Especially being stay-at-home moms and not getting very much adult interaction, but no. So when these questions are asked by my 8 year old, instead of getting mad and yelling “BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST TOO COOL FOR YOUR OLD MOM” or “I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO THOSE BORING OLD BITTIES ANYWAYS!” , I try to spin it into a lesson, because, honestly, what else am I supposed to do? Let her see me get worked up over these bratty ladies?

“It’s okay if they don’t want to talk to me- they’re just talking to each other. They’re not doing anything wrong”

“But you try and talk to them, but they never try and talk to you.”

“Do you think that what they’re doing is very nice?”


“What do you think is the right thing to do?”

“Try and talk to you so you don’t feel left out”

“What if they just don’t like me?”

“They should still be nice.”

“It’s okay if they don’t want to talk to me, but you’re right, the nice thing to do would be to try and make friends. We can’t make other people be nice, but we can try to be good examples.”

I halfway hope they can hear me from where they’re standing.

I’ve long since given up trying to strike up conversation with these women. I’ve accepted that there is something about me that just doesn’t sit right with them, and that’s ok. So far their kids still play with mine, and they all play together nicely, so that’s all that really matters. I do have other mom friends who are amazing people, so I know I’m not shunned by the entire mom population. We are just a little more like minded.

So, they can have their bus stop clique.

I’ll be sitting here with my skinny jeans on, writing about them on a blog.

Wanna wear winged liner to your bus stop, too? Check out this tutorial!

winged liner

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  1. Right Now I would like my mom to stop talking to me.

  2. I worked free-lance in the film biz. I’m also a single mom. None of moms ever asked me about my job. The husbands found it interesting and asked a lot of questions. I worked for NFL Films a bunch. As innocent as those convos were with the dads, they all hated me ??‍♀️
    They would also complain to me about their husbands! Like really? You have a man helping you all the time and you’re complaining to me? A single mom! Ew!
    I loved your ending about the eye liner! ?

  3. Yes, I have gone through the same thing myself but because I am an older mom. I had a son through an earlier marriage who is now 42. My twins, however, are just 13 and I am 68. I have made friends with some moms, just like you. I chalked the coldness to the age difference. Younger moms probably feel like I’m a mom figure to them which makes them uncomfortable. I always looked at it as being their problem because, through my years of experience, I have so much to give. I agree, though, that it may effect how my children perceive my socializing. However, they do see me with other friends and, being my children, do not see one thing wrong with me because they love me so much. So why obsess over something that you have no control over anyway? Just be as friendly as you naturally are and your true friends will always be there for you.

    Btw, thanks for the winged eyeliner tutorial. I’ve been trying to perfect that for more years than I care to mention (lol!)

  4. I live in a very snobby suburb. I’m the older mom. My kids are 22, 20, 12, and 5. And my now 12 year old was diagnosed high functioning ASD when he was 10. He had always had a rough time socially before his diagnosis. And so I always attended field trips. To say the other mom’s on those field trips went out of their way to ignore me is an understatement. I know I don’t fit in. I’m not skinny, I don’t wear makeup. But, I love my kid, and I want him to enjoy the field trips hopefully without any meltdowns, while behaving decently. I’m really not looking forward to the 5 year old starting school this fall. As I will once again be heading off to field trips with him since 12 moved on to middle school.

    1. @Susan C., I am so sad that people can be so cruel. I have seen it and I have felt it, but I will not be a “part” of it. I continually remind myself that children learn by observation. We can tell them all the best stories and remind them to include everyone, and use all of the best words that the world has to offer, but it is by watching us that they will learn how to behave. If you lead by example, you will raise wonderful children. I remind my children that the kids that are not nice or are actually straight out mean, often have a reason for acting that way. Of course, in no way is that behavior ever condoned, but just know that it is them, they are their problem and whatever is going on at home is causing this behavior, and it is not you. I feel sad for these children. I ask my kids, can you imagine how sad someone must feel inside for them to behave that way? For them to make themselves feel better by being mean to other children? This thought horrifies my children to the point where they are not angry, they are empathetic. I wish I lived near you. I would be your friend <3, and I'm actually a lot of fun ;). xoxoxo

  5. I feel exactly like this! Omg its not just me. I do truly try because i like to get to know people but its like they want nothing to do with me. Especially baseball moms they have their clique and get mad at kids who don’t help win the game. That is my kid he does baseball for fun and to keep him busy. Wish though I had mom friends.

  6. I understand exactly and that’s how I feel. I’ve never been like everyone else and I chalk it up to it bei ng there loss that they don’t wanna know me and just hang out with those who do. You sound great. You can be in my circle anytimr.

  7. I have a ton of kids, and at first I was the youngest mom and now I am the oldest. Still not part of the “mom crowd”. I spent my time with my kids playing in the parks and doing what they wanted to do. I am so grateful now!

  8. I’m not sure how old this post is but I’m in the exact same boat!! I moved to my area when I was a junior in high school. I didn’t fit in then and I don’t fit in now. It still saddens me. I don’t want to be friends with the “witchy” moms but I do want some friends who live in the same area!! It’s just mind boggling why women are so freaking mean!! Maybe we can all be friends and exchange pointers??

    1. @Dani, where do u live? I’ve always felt the same way. I have 4 friends I talk to often and a few aquatenances but I’ve never really n truly fit in but with a select few most of my life. Maybe its because I like to joke not dress like everyone else and I’m a tad hyper which I used to be morequiet. I’ve learned people are gonna be people if they don’t accept me it’s their loss.id love to get to know u . U seem great.

  9. I think they see that your a nonconformist and confident in who you are. I went through this with both of my kids too. It’s a pre judgement that you won’t have anything in common and they view you as a teenager, so they feel you can’t and won’t “conform” . I promise if you packed on 50 pounds and eagerly sought their acceptance, that would turn the tables. Honestly, do you really even want to befriend these women? Get used to being the oddball out, because that’s just how it is, and honestly you sound like you’ve got your head on straight. If you really want to crack that nut, get one of your “typical” chatty mom friends to hang out with you there for a day or two.

  10. Funny it’s happening to me right now. Parents on the school bus won’t even say hi to me. Like I’m not worthy. I used to smile at them but now i don’t give a shit anymore. I realized that I don’t really care. I’m just dropping it and picking up my kids. Don’t let it bother you.

  11. You seem cool and I’d be your friend.
    I have three beautiful children whom I cherish so so much, and most people my age don’t have any yet. I wonder if that’s why I feel a bit left out, I don’t know. But thanks for writing this and making me feel less alone!
    Yes so much to winged liner and Harry Potter.

  12. You’re all right! It is like high school as is any job or other social situation. You all proudly list all the ways you are “different” (which is a euphemism for cooler) than the other moms. I look younger, I work out. ? Like high school, if you don’t really want to fin in, you won’t. Please don’t pretend to complain about something your choosing. Also a good lesson for your children. What your actually teaching them is how to not fit in. Is that really what you want to hold on to that vague sense of superiority? It’s your kid. Your choice.

    1. Sounds like you’re one of the self loathing judgmental mean moms too. Maybe she doesn’t want to fit in. Who cares about fitting in? Just be cordial is all she’s saying.

    2. @Regularmom, totally agree. I am a young mom just like she is, wear winged eyeliner and other trendy young clothes and the other moms are all very nice to me even though they’re at least a decade older. Maybe it’s just her attitude and air of superiority that puts the other moms off.

    3. @Regularmom, I think you’ve got it wrong. How can someone help if they look younger? That’s not a choice, that’s called genetics. I think you missed the point, hun.

  13. Ive always stood by myself.
    To begin with, we arrived on foot, often in full waterproofs and water streamed off us as my kids got ready to queue to go into school. I arranged their wet weather gear so it would drip dry out of the way in school and stood by myself. Every time.
    By the time my 2nd child was in school our routine was normal to us and so unbelievably weird to the other moms they couldnt even look in my direction as they talked loudly and openly about us. I mean, wow, I have ears and they work, y’know?!
    Thankfully I learned to drive by the time my 3rd child was in school. It didnt stop folks gossiiong endlessly but by then I couldnt care less.!
    I’m often seen in school helping out teachers in all year groups with woodwork and gardening. I wear what is appropriate to whatever work Im doing that day.
    So work trousers, t shirt, hoody and boots. Ocasionally gloves, though I often take them off and forget to put them back on.
    I arrive at school later than other mums and stay later still. My older children have their own friends and are thankfully at another school by now. My youngest knows the other parents sometimes treat me badly but assumed this is because I am chums with the Headteacher and most of the staff by now.
    I count myself lucky to have seen life in all its difference. I am not continuing the playground behaviour of the other mums, to force it on my children so they will play out the same scenes as their elders, over and over again throughout the generations.

  14. This is me. I’m actually older than the other moms. I’m tattooed, I workout, I don’t dress like them. I don’t have the innate need to fit in, but I worry more about whether my son notices how rude the other moms are. It’s like high school all over again.
    I have a few mom friends whose kids play with my son, and it’s made a difference for my son to have other families to hang out with.

  15. This is me. I’ve always felt different and left out by other moms. I’ve honestly never been very connected to any group as I just don’t feel understood or welcome.

    1. Me too! I often ask myself why. I am nice and always smiling. There’s something about me I think. It bothers me sometimes

      1. Same. I’m sorry older than most moms and not included. The PTC group is tight-they socialize and their kids are close. I’ve tried for my daughter to be included and my efforts are ignored. Interestingly I was friendlIer with two of them and a new woman moved in, joined this group and the vibe changed. I am at the point that’ I don’t care but yet find I do. These women volunteer endless hours and seem to put that badge front and center, talk about it and if I ask to help get “no it’s fine.”
        The husbands seem more open to include.

    2. @Ruby, sounds to me that there is more something about them, not you… Maybe they’re simply jealous or intimidated by you. You mentioned that you’re smiling often, maybe they see this as confidence & it makes them feel insecure about their own flaws. Don’t let it bother you! Sometimes it feels better not fitting in anyway. But I do agree these Mom cliques should talk less to their familiar Mom posse, and more to Mom’s outside of their usual social (or sewing lol) circle, as they might learn something.

  16. Yep this is so true. That’s why I never wanted to b in the situation that I am in now. I live in a small town under 1000 people. And well I’m the 40 year that as a 2 year old only child(did a lot of ivfs) everyone my age has school kids. So yep I was on my ow in high school and now I’m on my own again. Live sucks

  17. I’m the opposite. I was the old mom and the American mom and the fat mom and a stay-at-home mom. I had a long list of differences. I live in Switzerland and my French sucks.

    My kid went to a private school that had a French section and an English section. We put our kid in the French section because we wanted her to learn the language, which she has beautifully. Most of the moms on the French side of the school worked and had no time for me or my limited language skills.

    The moms on the English side of the school knew me, but never invited me to coffee. I’d see groups of them going and felt left out. Their kids were rude too. I was the Girl Scout leader and in our troop meetings the girls would ignore my daughter. It broke my heart. I would point out the Girl Scout law and talk about sisterhood and these girls couldn’t see the irony.

    We left that school and my kid went to local public school. While I didn’t make friends with the moms there, mainly because Swiss kids walk themselves to school, my daughter made tons of friends.

    It can be hard to find your tribe, but I’d rather be a Lone Ranger than hang out with rude women. I’ve always made it a point to walk over to the lone mom. The look of relief on her face that she’d been seen by another mom would make my day.

  18. I’ve felt this way before. Are you a single parent? If you’re younger and beautiful you could just make them feel insecure or something lol. Sounds crazy but it happens

  19. This used to happen to me. Now I’m 56 and my youngest is a Jr in high school…..still happening. I’ll say a prayer for all us MOMs who obviously stand out from the crowd!! God bless you all.

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