Look, I love Lizzo. I am all about body empowerment, and I think her message of self love is one that is long overdue, but we need to talk about this whole showing your whole booty at the Lakers game thing.
I am a plus size girl, that means I am rocking a plus sized ass and I am excited that she shouts it from the mountain tops that she’s one bad bitch. I really am.
The thing is, though, is sometimes it’s appropriate to wear a T-shirt with a hole cut out just to show off your thong, and sometimes it’s not.
I am not sure when it’s appropriate to wear that kind of shirt, because honestly I don’t even think I would wear that in my living room, but still, I am sure there’s a time and a place. Either way, courtside at a basketball game probably is not the time.
For starters, let’s just talk about general cleanliness of the seats at a Laker’s game. I am not saying that they keep it extra dirty there or anything, but like… you are sitting where other people have sat, and you don’t know how clean they were keeping themselves, just rolling around in their own filth, maybe they took a bus to get to the game before sitting in that very chair.
Who knows? What I do know is that that seat is not clean enough for me to be putting my bare booty cheeks on there. These things are sacred. Mmmk?
Now, we need to talk about that thong. I don’t understand. I have rocked a thong before, and maybe like I had the wrong size or something, but I have to be honest, with a whole lotta ass, comes a whole lotta ass crack, and thongs have a tendency to lose their way in such a thing.
How. HOW did that thong stay in place? Can you buy thong tape? Did she have that thong taped to either side of her booty cheek?
How did it not ride up? Lizzo is rocking the hips, and because I, too, am rocking the hips, I know that a thong can just ride right on up onto your hips and right up into your cracklacka.
But not that magic ass thong Lizzo was wearing. That thing was superglued in place. There is no way I would have flipped around and showed the world my booty because there is no way my thong would have stayed in place that well.
And if this is a matter of a magic thong… where can I get such an item? I need it for science, and my visible panty line.
Speaking of the wheres…. where does one buy an oversized T-shirt with a strategic hole cut out of it to show off your behind? Is this a custom job done by a master sewer, or just something you hack out with scissors the night before.
And if she did make it… well I need to know why. That shirt was NOT doing Lizzo any favors and she is gorgeous as hell, so why did this garment exist?
Did the Lakers know she was gonna shake her rump-a? Was this pre-planned? Or was this just Lizzo being one bad bitch?
And the people sitting behind her… did she stand up a lot and show them her rear? Or did she stay seated most of the time? What was it like watching the game and Lizzo’s ass at the same time?
I don’t know, this just seemed too contrived for me. I am all for being awesome and feeling yourself, but you can over-feel yourself, and this might have been one of those times.
She had this to say: