Comments on: Please Stop Inviting Me To Your Baby Showers

By: Sad human

Sad human — Sun, 23 Jan 2022 12:18:16 +0000

Words here made me sad as a human but definitely not sad for this human. I love people that recognize and overcome rather than disconnect and feel anger and blame others for misfortunes. I am glad at least you didn’t lie and you shared your ignorance with others. Bravo

By: Bekind

Bekind — Wed, 29 May 2019 01:20:14 +0000

In reply to Cmama. Two wrongs doesn’t make a right, hun

By: La

La — Thu, 16 May 2019 00:14:59 +0000

In reply to Ayaan. Clearly you never had this problem so why don’t you shut it.

By: La

La — Thu, 16 May 2019 00:13:58 +0000

In reply to Sarah farless. You are the hateful person!!! Your poor kids!!

By: Olga

Olga — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 19:53:27 +0000

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I’m sorry about the pain of infertility you’ve gone through. I completely support you in choosing to be happy for your friends while being kind to yourself in not attending. Your true friends who love you will understand if you don’t attend. They will have plenty of close friends and family there so they will hardly notice your absence or have time for quality interaction that day. If it were me, I wouldn’t want my friend to force herself to be there knowing it’ll make her miserable! I want my friends to have a good time when I’m hosting a party (which is why I skipped a traditional shower and instead hosted an outdoor baby q for our friends and their families).

I was blessed with two healthy children so I dislike traditional baby showers for a different reason. Besides finding baby showers tacky and boring, I also find them painful. My Mom died when I was 24 and although it’s been over 10 years now, the pain of missing her is still there. Going to baby showers just reminds me of everything I’m missing out on because my Mom is gone- her throwing me a shower, watching her happily anticipate the birth of my babies and bond with each one of them, and all the advice she would’ve given and all the wonderful memories we would’ve made. I never got to have all that and though I moved on, the pain remains.
So if it’s for a really close friend or relative, I will attend their shower because my genuine joy and excitement for them will far outweigh my personal sadness. But I’d its someone I’m not super close with, I send a nice gift and write a thoughtful card, and stay home with my family instead. Self care is very important, especially now that my children depend on me. Don’t be sorry about not going! Do what’s right for you and your real friends will understand. Don’t blame them for inviting you though, they don’t wanna make you feel bad (and lets be honest, they really want your present too 😉

By: Audrey

Audrey — Wed, 04 Apr 2018 05:02:27 +0000

I don’t think it’s fair that friends or even relatives are having second baby showers and I haven’t af one! Like you said I’m happy but I’m not going to another one – I went to your first one bought a gift then will buy a gift for their birthday parties- it’s not fair for single people- I loved you thought of me but what I’ve done this year is be “sick” and can’t make it or “have plans” that day – but I still bought a gift and sent it – I just don’t want to go. I’m 36 call me butter but it’s hurtful unfair and I ain’t going- didn’t even go to my own brothers (second child) babyshower Sorrynotsorry

By: Speak the truth

Speak the truth — Sat, 24 Mar 2018 05:20:21 +0000

In reply to Sarah farless. Have some compassion for others. Your comments are very rude. Don’t read her blog if your don’t like what she has to say.

By: Ayaan

Ayaan — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 20:00:44 +0000

In reply to Sarah farless. You took the words right out of my mouth. I read this and thought how bitter. Sad that someone makes others happy moments all about them. If it's really hard to go to baby showers for your own sanity may you shouldn't attend until you are in a better place.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 14 Sep 2017 16:24:58 +0000

I could give you the biggest hug ever! I just recently found out one of my younger cousins is expecting her first child and I received an invite to the shower. It’s a struggle that NO ONE understands, until it is them! From the comments of: “oh you don’t have kids so you don’t know this…” to “oh you’ll understand one day when you have kids!” It’s exhausting! And we do love our friends/family/girlfriends and WE DO share in their happiness. But the pain is REAL, and we aren’t monsters for bowing out, even if they don’t understand! It’s like we’re punished twice. At least that’s how it feels to me. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing this! It helps to know that I’m not alone out here in this big vast world of women with no medical issues!

By: Cmama

Cmama — Tue, 18 Jul 2017 04:19:19 +0000

In reply to Sarah farless.

Wow ..you’re a bitch..
As someone who has lost a child..please ..go fuck yourself..
Until you have lost a child you cannot even begin to understand the pain..
And you call her judgemental?
Come back and comment when one your children had died.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 23 May 2017 05:08:52 +0000

In reply to Robin. Exactly! Pretty sure they didn't get pregnant just to rub it in her face.

By: Sarah farless

Sarah farless — Tue, 23 May 2017 04:59:23 +0000

You’re a very bitter woman. I’ve read your other article about what you can’t stand parents say to their children which since you aren’t a parent you have no right to judge. Just because you aren’t a parent doesn’t make it okay to take out your infertility issues out on other mothers. If it were you you’d want others to share in your joy and come to your shower. Maybe that’s why you don’t have any children you’re too much of a hateful person.

By: Sheri R

Sheri R — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 13:13:02 +0000

Thank you for your honesty in writing. I am at that place! https://www.facebook.com/sunshineforsiblings/

By: Marcy F

Marcy F — Tue, 18 Oct 2016 13:10:33 +0000

I get the pain. I felt it myself. I wanted to be a young mom. That didn’t pan out. I then decided with my second husband that I would be a slightly older mom. That didn’t pan out either. Every baby announcement was bittersweet. I even stopped going to an ob/gyn and went to one who is only a gyno because the pregnant bellies in the waiting room was painful. But when my husband and I worked through our grief we agreed to adopt. We decided to adopt an older child. The first time she called me “mommy” my heart melted and every “need” to be pregnant vanished in that instant. Now we have two adopted children – a boy and a girl – and I feel complete. We all need to find ways to get there but please don’t discount the value of foster/adoption!

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 05 Aug 2016 23:08:55 +0000

We started trying for baby when I was 41. 2 years and 2 miscarriages later we had a baby 2 weeks before my 44th birthday. Conception is a sprint race, no time to look back, I will sentimentalise about the other pregnancies when little one grows up. Don’t give up honey you won’t look back and regret trying. Experts get it wrong. We didn’t do iv because the odds were crazy. I did go to church and pray, ask in Jesus name, and all things can happen. Oh we went for a mountain hike before conceiving dunno if the exercise or mountain air helped. I’ve never been to a baby shower, sounds a little lame

By: Statia

Statia — Fri, 01 Jul 2016 12:32:22 +0000

In reply to Kate. Yes. Very much so. This is a damned if you do, damned if you don't. If they actually know you're having problems conceiving, they probably don't want you to feel left out. If they did, you'd be feeling like shit. Just take the invite, respectfully decline, and sit on the sofa with your SO, watching your favorite movies. You don't have to blast them for your fertility issues. They deserve to be be just as happy as you deserve all the time to wallow. The two don't have to intersect.

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 30 Jun 2016 11:21:48 +0000

As much as the invites hurt, you’d feel worse if they just shut you out.

By: Elissa

Elissa — Tue, 28 Jun 2016 21:14:27 +0000

Don’t go, fein sick. I was seeing a fertility doctor when my husbands cousin shower came around, that month there wasn’t a chance in hell I was pregnant, I couldn’t handle I was crying. Don’t get me wrong I had a beautiful gift and I was happy for her, but I was heartbroken that I wasn’t pregnant and couldn’t get pregnant for at least another month. I spoke to my doctor and he said not to go, it wasn’t good for me, he told me to say I had the flu as then she wouldn’t want me there anyway. I felt bad I had to stay away, but I knew I couldn’t be around her and the happy faces, and the other pregnant woman in the family and not break down.

By: Melannie

Melannie — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 23:28:52 +0000

I totally get you! I also thought I would get married and have kids immediately. Well long story short we tried many things for over 10 years. Baby showers are still painful. I love kids, I am a Preschool teacher. Hoping people still understand when I don’t attend. Thank you for this article!

By: Elizabeth H.

Elizabeth H. — Sat, 11 Jun 2016 17:06:55 +0000

I understand your pain. I feel the same with one exception I do have a beautiful daughter who is 14 now. Never planned for her to be one and only. There also is the pressure to have another which we haven’t. Somehow we are less of a mom or dad because we only have 1 child. I pray for all men and women that desperately want children of their own but for many reasons can’t have them.