You sit down, you're just going to grab something quick, maybe an app and an entree. Two hours later you're standing outside squinting at a receipt that somehow hit $90 and you don't even know what happened.

Here's the thing — it's almost never one big thing. It's the sparkling water, the avocado add-on, the second round of cocktails you ordered because the server asked. The restaurant industry is extremely good at getting money out of you in increments small enough that you don't flinch.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I put together everything I know about where that money actually goes. Some of this you already know and still do anyway (same). Some of it might actually surprise you.

Are appetizers actually worth the money?

Appetizers are engineered to be irresistible — and priced to make the restaurant happy, not you. A table full of starters can add $30 to your bill before your entrees even land, and most of the time you eat them just because they're there, not because you were actually hungry for them.

Stick to one appetizer split across the table, or skip them entirely. You'll eat less, spend less, and honestly probably enjoy your entree more.

Why does the upsell get us every single time?

The server asks if you want avocado on that. You think, sure, it's just a couple bucks. Then you upgrade your side. Then you get the fancy lemonade instead of a soda. Each individual decision seems fine — and collectively they've added $12 to your meal without you noticing.

Upsells are designed to feel minor. They're not. Decide before you sit down what you actually want instead of making those calls in the moment when you're hungry and someone charming is standing over you with a notepad.

Are you using happy hour? Because you should be.

Happy hour is legitimately one of the best deals in dining and a shocking number of people just don't plan around it. Same drinks, same food — sometimes a third cheaper, sometimes half off — just because you showed up at 5pm instead of 7.

Check before you go. Most restaurants post their happy hour times online. This is the kind of thing that saves you $15 and feels like nothing, but adds up over a month of going out.

Does what you drink matter more than what you eat?

Yes, actually. Specialty cocktails are frequently marked up 400-500% over their ingredient cost, and a single margarita at a sit-down restaurant can run you $14-$18 without blinking. Order two of those and you've just spent $35 on drinks alone before food.

If you're watching what you spend, beer and house wine are almost always better value than craft cocktails. And water is free — which sounds obvious until you realize how many people are quietly paying $6 for a bottle of sparkling water they didn't need.

Are you even reading the specials?

Restaurants build specials around what they have too much of, which means they're often priced to move. That's good news for you. The special isn't always the most exciting thing on the menu but it's frequently the best value, and sometimes it's genuinely delicious.

Don't just glance at the specials board and go back to the regular menu on autopilot. Actually consider it. Back when I wrote about getting more out of your grocery budget, I made this same point about weekly sales — the best deal is usually the one you actually use.

Should you really be ordering dessert?

Restaurant desserts are almost always a bad deal — $10 to $14 for something that took them four minutes to plate and tastes fine but not spectacular. They also arrive when you're already full, so you're spending the most money at the moment you want food the least.

If you want something sweet after dinner, stop somewhere on the way home. An ice cream place or a bakery is going to be cheaper and honestly more fun. Save the restaurant dessert for places that are actually known for it.

Why aren’t you splitting entrees?

Restaurant portions in the U.S. are famously massive — Americans are served portions up to twice the recommended size at many sit-down restaurants. You're paying for food you're not going to eat.

Splitting an entree isn't cheap — it's smart. Some places charge a small plate-sharing fee, but even then you're almost always coming out ahead. And if you're with someone who eats similarly, you can split an entree and each get an app and still spend less than ordering separately.

Are you actually using the freebies?

Bread basket. Chips and salsa. Complimentary refills. These things exist and they're included in the price of your meal whether you use them or not. If you're going to spend the money anyway, at least get what you're actually paying for.

Filling up a little on bread before your entree isn't a bad thing — it means you're less likely to order a second course you don't need just because you're still hungry.

How many rewards programs are you ignoring right now?

Almost every chain restaurant has a loyalty program at this point, and a lot of local spots do too. Free appetizers, birthday deals, points that turn into discounts — this stuff is out there, it just requires five minutes to sign up.

If you eat somewhere more than twice a year, have the app on your phone. In my post about things that actually save money without feeling like a sacrifice, the rewards app category was one of the biggest easy wins.

What’s actually an appropriate tip?

Okay, this is a genuinely complicated one. Server wages are structured around tips, and I believe in tipping properly — but I also think the creeping pressure toward 25-30% as the new baseline on a pre-tax total at a counter service spot is a different conversation than tipping your server at a full-service restaurant.

At a full-service restaurant where a server took care of you, 18-20% is the standard. Exceptional service? Go higher. But you don't have to tip 30% on a $200 dinner just because the iPad defaulted to that option and you felt awkward tapping the lower button. That pressure is real and it's worth noticing.

Are substitutions costing you money you didn’t have to spend?

A lot of people just order what's on the menu and pay what's on the menu without ever asking if they can swap something out. Restaurants allow substitutions more often than you'd think — and sometimes a simple swap can bring down the price of a dish or make it more filling so you don't need to order extras.

Just ask. The worst they say is no.

Is ordering the premium entree a habit or an actual treat?

Lobster, dry-aged steak, whole fish — nothing wrong with any of those things. But if you're reflexively ordering the most expensive protein every time you go out because that's just what you do, it's worth at least noticing the pattern.

Save the premium entrees for when they actually mean something. They'll taste better too.

Is bottled water the sneakiest restaurant charge of all?

Sparkling water sounds sophisticated. It also costs anywhere from $5 to $12 a bottle at a sit-down restaurant and you genuinely cannot taste the difference once it's in a glass. Tap water is clean, free, and no one is actually judging you.

This is one of the easiest $6-10 you'll ever save and it requires zero willpower.

Does timing actually affect how much you spend?

Dining during peak hours — Friday night, Saturday dinner, Sunday brunch — doesn't change the menu prices, but it does change everything around your meal. Longer waits push you toward ordering another round of drinks. Rushed service means you don't catch errors on the bill. The whole experience costs more and is somehow worse.

Lunch menus and weekday dinner specials exist, and in my piece on habits that quietly drain your budget I'd have put 'eating at peak restaurant times' firmly on the list. Go on a Tuesday. Get better service, spend less, get a table immediately. There's no downside.

None of this is about never going out or treating every restaurant meal like a math test. It's just about knowing where the money actually goes so you can decide if that's where you want it to go.

The fancy water and the three appetizers and the upsold guacamole — those things are fine if you chose them. They feel annoying when you realize you didn't really choose them, they just happened to you.

But what do I know. I once paid $18 for a cocktail and tipped 20% on it and I'd probably do it again.

Prime Rib, Victoria cut fillets and salmon with a potato of your choice, baked or mashed and your choice of soup or salad and fresh in-season vegetable. The napkins were cloth, folded ever so perfectly around our utensils and the plates were white and stylish.

The dinner was nice and as always the company was the best part. Unfortunately, looking around I was reminded of something I figured out a while ago: the art of dining etiquette is lost on many…

The Art Of Dining Etiquette Seems To Be Lost

As I sat in a spot that could overlook most of the restaurant and its diners, my family unfolded our napkins and laid them upon our laps, I noticed immediately 5 men dining with their hats on. Right next to us was a man and his son with matching hats.

I was always taught that gentlemen should remove their hats at the dining table out of respect. The child clearly old enough to know better was standing at the table fooling around while the parents ignored his behavior.

This would have never been allowed in my house. NO fooling around at the table. This is a time to dine, not to play.

Sit down and behave yourself!

I also noticed multiple people with their elbows on the table. Another big no-no in my house. I realize that in the olden days it was due to the instability of the table and people were afraid that it would topple the table and people’s food to the floor, but as time progressed it became a sign of class.

A few people reached across other peoples plates for the salt and pepper or the bread that was served before our meal and I thought to myself, ‘If that were my plate they were reaching over, I’d slap their hand and tell them to ask for it to be passed (If it had been my Grandpa they would have been stabbed with a fork).

I can’t even tell you how many people I saw talking with their mouths full of food. GOOD LORD, you do realize how nasty that is? I’m pretty sure the people you are speaking to can’t understand a word you said…..plus….. I can see that food spewing from your mouth from here.

SO GROSS! I don’t want to see your chewed food… Chew with your mouth closed and don’t smack your lips. Terrific way to make someone lose their appetite!

I didn’t actually notice this, but it was something I was raised with and I know a lot of other people were also: It is not polite to start eating until everyone is seated and has been served their plates.

Nothing like one person waiting for their food to arrive and another person is half done eating theirs. “Check please!…oh, you’re not done eating? My bad…”

I remember when I was younger we would always eat at the table, T.V. off. Times have changed so much since then (I sound ancient) and so many families eat in the living room in front of the television (Guilty).

Dinner time was a time to discuss each others day and bond over a meal. My parents didn’t allow me to sing at the table because it distracted from the conversation and was just considered bad manners. While some people may disagree, I never discouraged my daughter from doing it, although she never really did.

But for the most part all the things I’ve mentioned above I’ve passed onto my daughter.

Proper etiquette also states that a man should stand when a woman leaves the table (to me that’s just gentlemanly and makes a lady feel important and acknowledges her soon-to-be absence).

It’s also proper to lay your utensils across your plate when you’re finished to let your server know that you are done and it is okay to remove your plate.

I can only imagine some of these people dining in Chef Ramsey’s restaurant behaving and eating like a wild animal…I shiver at the thought. Do you teach your children these things or these dining practices when you’re out?

Or am I the only one who thinks these things should be a continued tradition of dining etiquette?

Just for clarification, I’m not referring to fast food…although, we can still be civilized diners there as well.