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The 10 Things I Need My Daughter To Remember As She Grows Up

I never realized how surreal it would feel to watch my daughter grow up. One day she’s a tiny little infant, dancing around the house in cute little tutu’s, with bows as big as her head holding back her hair and before I know it, she’ll be asking for the keys to drive to the movies with her friends.

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How To Know If You’re Doing An ‘Okay’ Job As A Parent

Tonight my daughter told me she hated me. She screamed it, in fact, before flipping her hair and marching upstairs to her bedroom. The door slammed and while part of me wanted to run after her and talk to her, I knew the best thing would be to give her time to cool down. My …

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Have You Ever Wondered Why People Push Cloves Into Oranges?

Remember when you were a kid and winter life was as simple as coming home from school, kicking off your shoes at the door, and plopping down for homework before dinner? Maybe some bike riding. Maybe some running around the street screaming with your friends. Maybe you’re a lot younger than me and for you …

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10 Things We Were Taught In Kindergarten That Are Still Important Today

Kindergarten was a fun time, man! Playing, napping, running, making friends, glue, glitter, and very little responsibility. Not only was it a magical and enchanting year of school, but it prepared us for the real world like no other grade could, and with the most basic things you wouldn’t really think about. In an ode …

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I’m Officially Old Enough To Be Glad I’m No Longer Young

While making the trek home from the United Kingdom to Texas I overheard a rather funny conversation. It was between two college age adults bemoaning how now they would have to go back to getting upperclassmen to buy them alcohol versus being able to buy it for themselves (the drinking age in the UK is …

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Chris Pratt And Anna Faris Splitting Up Is The Adult Version Of Finding Out Santa Isn’t Real

When we marry our sweetheart most of the time we’re young, kinda dumb, and basically broke. I mean, a lot of us, at least. Let’s get real: most of us do not have the fairytale marriage that we dreamed of when we were five. You know, that marriage we practiced out with the Barbie and …

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My Teens Don’t Need A Helicopter Mom Anymore, And I Feel Like I’ve Been Retired

How do you let go? How do you know when you’re kids are ready for more responsibility and how do you become ok with it? Who really knew the ache and pride felt as your children grow. There is a part of me that feels so me embarrassment in admitting that I’ve been a helicopter …

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I’m A Grown-Up, But I Don’t Feel Like One

When I was a kid, my dad scared me like nothing else. Grown-ups might as well have been gods for all the unquestionable authority they held. Parents, teachers, cops, pastors, random strangers at the grocery store who felt it was okay to pat me on the head because I was so damn cute. Grown-ups looked …

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A Year Ago I Didn’t Want Kids, Now I Live For Mustard Bombs And Maniacal Baby Giggles…

A little over a year ago my personal dating profile could have read something like: ‘Crazy workaholic cat lady who loves wild weekends with big books and bottomless pots of dark roast coffees looking for Mr. Right Now to help keep her gossip interesting and her reputation questionable.’ No shame. Who knew things would change …

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How Princess Leia Changed The World

Princess Leia changed my life. This is not hyperbole. I come from a pre-Katniss, pre-Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer, pre-Hillary-Clinton era. I know this makes me sound old, but I grew up in Texas, so subtract like ten years from the female empowerment timeline. Oh, we had Governor Ann Richards, but she was considered an aberration. There was Ripley …

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7 Things To Expect When Your Daughter Starts Her Period…

The moment your sonographer tells you “It looks like you’re having a girl” you know that this day will come:  The day where your daughter becomes a woman.  While nothing can quite prepare you for this new adventure, here are a few things you can expect… Or, at least, some things I’ve come to expect. But …

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Why Are You So Happy To See Them Go?

Over the summer, my family took a road trip. Seven hours of confinement with three other people who would rather be anywhere else. It’s a lot like prison, except you have to pay for your own meals and in prison it’s generally expected that someone will get shanked. Society tends to frown on fathers stabbing …

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This Is Why I’m Not Going Back To College (And Neither Should You)

Your degree is worthless.  Trees have better things to be turned into than to give you a pat on the back.  That’s what college degrees have turned into.  It has been decreed that the only way to have a rewarding life is to get a degree and that is what allows you to have a …

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My Kids Are Growing Up And 3 Other Terrible Things

My daughter is packing for her very first summer camp. She’s 7 years old and has absolutely no use for her mother or me anymore. In fact, if she could reach the freezer door and get her own Popsicles, she might have killed us in our sleep long ago, as is our family’s Sith Lord …

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Critical Life Skills You Need to Teach Your Kids

There is a good argument for every thing you learn in life having value. From the smallest of victories to the biggest losses and even the most mundane experiences; they can all  teach you something about life and how to live. Even though there are many important lessons to take away from all sorts of …

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Why I Will Never Give My Daughter ‘The Talk’…

My ten-year-old came home from school the other day practically bursting at the seams: “We talked about puberty at school today.” “Yeah?” I asked. “What about it?” “The teacher said there are signs it’s starting. Like you start craving chocolate and get moody.” Inside I rolled my eyes a little. We live in Texas and there’s …

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Growing Up Is NOT As Fun As I Thought It Would Be…

Okay, so, if you’re anything like me, you were rudely awakened one late afternoon at twenty-one-years-old to the sound of your mom coming home from work and complaining that you hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet. As you pulled on your stained sweatpants and tied your dirty hair back into a ponytail, you realized: I …

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Part Of Me Still Wants To Show Off A Rockin’ “After” Bod To The Bullies I Went To School With…

As a teenager one of my biggest obsessions were those afternoon talk shows. Ricky, Maury, and Oprah were my besties, and my favorite shows were the big reveal shows: the ones where someone who used to be an ugly duckling came on and surprised some creep-o they went to high school with by showing what …

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20 Times I Really Wish Someone Else Could Adult For Me…

It’s not that I need to live with my mom or anything, but there are definitely times Someone should be the adult of me. Like the last time I dated a guy and wanted to break up with him, it would have been nice for someone else to step in and say, “Mary can’t play …

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The Many Hairstyles of Halle

It’s Halle’s birthday today. She turns 4. So, I thought we would take a look at the many hairstyles of Halle over the years… It all started with the bling hat. I should have known I was in for it then… And then the spike look started–who’s hair does that on it’s own? Halle’s… that’s …

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