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Sometimes life gives you lemons and sometimes it gives you a human-sized naked troll doll that runs around shooting glitter out its rear end. So it’s a mixed bag, really.
Guy Diamond is the latest addition to the Troll posse At Universal Studios, and while the other trolls are completely clothed, this “Guy” fellow is completely naked, and he will pass glitter coated gas your way.
Because anything for a laugh. Right?
Look, the majority of time I’ve ever spent inside Universal Studios was in Diagon Alley, but getting sparkle-farted on by a larger-than-life troll doll is something I’ve never done, so there’s a chance I’d forego that last Butterbeer for this once-in-a-lifetime sparkle-sperience.
I have a lot of questions, though.
Like— If all the other trolls are fully clothed, and he’s chosen not to wear anything, are his life choices accepted by his troll bretheren?
Who’s job is it to sweep up his glitter-toots?
How do you tell people that’s what you do for a living? “I follow a giant troll doll around and sweep up the glitter he shoots out his ass,” is not something I think would fare well on a resume.
How do you get chosen to be the naked troll, versus one of the other fully clothed trolls? And do you feel naked when walking around the park?
Do you feel violated? Or is it more like your troll-related civil rights are being ignored?
Wait, do trolls have civil rights?
Why does he have to jump when he toots? Is that just how the costume works? How does the glitter get in your troll butt?
Do you pre-load yourself or is it something a friend has to do for you?
Is there a qualification for this job? Do you have to eat a certain diet to make your toots more tooty?
What about the other trolls?
Are they shooting glitter butt darts too but just keeping it in their pants all day, or is this an special Guy Diamond only talent? And if not, how are they handling their laundry?
I’d think all that glitter would clog the pipes.