Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we expect it. Not even a little bit. And sometimes the little miracle we waited nine months for turns our lives upside down in ways we didn’t want or expect. Here’s what to do when being a baby mama blows.
This the picture I wanted to take of the Super Blood Moon…
Here’s the picture I ended up with:
The truth is, my picture isn’t so horrible. It’ll be a great memory, something nice to show my parents (who have been in bed since at least 7:00). And I can’t fault myself entirely for the shot not turning out exactly as I wanted. For one, I don’t have the kind of camera lens it would take to pull off that first image. Just not the right equipment. For another, mine was taken in the front yard, barefoot, with ants biting at me.
I think there are a lot of times in life when we expect something amazing and end up with something else entirely. Not that the something we end up with is so so bad, but the thing we expected was so much better. Take, for instance, babyhood. During
the nine months we spend dreaming of and planning out the entire life of another human being from conception to death pregnancy, we all dream that life as we know it is about to become one sugar-wrapped love fest with an adoring baby staring up at us like we hung the blood moon…
…but sometimes we end up with this baby instead:
So what do we do? What happens when being a baby mama isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? I mean, you’re not allowed to tell people that you actually don’t ‘like’ your infant, right? So in a world where babies are supposed to be the biggest blessing we could ever hope for, what happens when you feel like you’ve been cursed?
What To Do When Being A Baby Mama Blows
1. It might be a hormonal thing. Okay, don’t throw stuff at me. I’m not some dude accusing you of PMSing because you’re angry about the toilet seat being left up for the umpteenth time. Truth is, sometimes it really is hormonal or a chemical unbalance. Pregnancy puts your body into all sorts of whacked-out turmoil and it takes time to adjust back to stasis after
the little dictator your precious child has arrived. See a doctor. Enlist the help of friends and family. While you’re recovering, don’t expect to feel the love-love gooey feelings. It’s okay, though. Eventually you’ll be back on track and you and baby can bond like you always dreamed.
2. It might be a baby thing. Babies have their own personalities. Some are just quiet, sweet, peaceful babies who barely cry and sleep through the night from day one. Some are just, well, not quite such joys to be around. Hey, if you’ve got a tiny human screaming at you twenty-four hours a day and you haven’t run away from home yet you’re ahead of the game. Do yourself a favor – take time outs. Let baby cry while you take a breather, find baby sitters and go to the movies, call every doting auntie and offer baby up. Eventually (hopefully) baby will stop being a shrieking meanie, and you’ll both enjoy life much more.
3. It might be a baby health thing. Colic and reflux are No Joke. When you’re the baby mama of a baby who is never comfortable, you find yourself in this weird place where you know baby can’t help how miserable they’re acting, and yet you might still feel resentful. And that makes you feel even worse because, c’mon, you’re supposed to be the one there to love this squishy-faced little moppet no matter what. But seriously, take a break. Holding a baby 24-hours a day because there’s only one position that makes them not sob is a strain. I mean, it’s probably even against the Geneva convention…not that I’ve looked. Find a support group. Find out what other mommies who have sick sweeties do to keep that baby comfortable and try everything until you are both more comfortable. It’s okay not to like this time. Don’t feel guilty for how you’re feeling.
4. It might be that you just don’t like being a baby mama. Know what? Babies are not for everyone. It’s true. No, no, really. It’s true. And if babyhood isn’t for you, that’s okay. Do what you can to get through. Maybe you’re the kind of mommy who flips off her kid and posts pictures online (I won’t judge). Maybe you’re the mom who goes to work immediately because the idea of being home with that little helpless being is just too much, go for it. Whatever you can do to get through babyhood in one piece, do it. Truth is, babies grow up. You don’t have to have cherished every little moment with them to be a good mommy. Chances are, once they aren’t so helpless anymore, you’ll enjoy them a whole lot more. Bank on that and let everything else fall away.
5. It might be that the pressure is too much. I’ll keep this one short: stop. Stop pressuring yourself, stop accepting pressure from others. Babies are a crap-ton of work. And it isn’t always fun. And there’s a lot of poop and screaming and snot involved and added pressure won’t help either of you. Let it go, mommy. Just let it go.
So yeah, maybe this baby thing isn’t what you thought it would be. And you’re frazzled. And sleep-deprived. And you think that you have to smile at the world and tell them how much you love the little squirt. But maybe, just maybe, you can be honest instead. And if you are, maybe, just maybe, there will be people out there who are able (and happy and willing) to lend you a hand.
Just know you’ll get through this. Eventually. Probably.