When Family Unfriends You: 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Care

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Hey, I get it. Whether you’re related to me or not, as a romance author with a penchant for profanity, I understand that my online presence isn’t suitable for children or the ultra conservative. But if you’re like me, social media is the one place you can broadcast your opinions to the world, share your triumphs and tribulations, and just be yourself.

It might not always bring out the best in people, but it does bring out the truth. We learn things about our friends, teachers and neighbors, that we sometimes wish we hadn’t. That’s okay though. We can always adopt a smile and wave policy to keep the distance. But what about family? Doesn’t shared DNA imply unconditional love, acceptance and a super high tolerance for ass-tardery?




But the good news is the sentiment goes both ways. Whatever bugs you about a family member’s awkward online presence, their feelings are bounding right back atcha, at mach speed.

So rejoice! Here are 10 reasons why you shouldn’t care when family unfriends you on social media.

1). You don’t need that kind of negativity. You know, like when you post a picture of your toes in the sand and cold beer in a bucket, followed by your sister leaving a snarky comment about how it must be nice to take all those fancy vacations in one year. And of course you can’t resist tagging her back with “this is what happens when you stop holding out for a “management position” and actually get a job.” Not being friends on social media can nip the potential family feud right in the keister.

2). You also don’t need the drama. So you overslept a little (those Jager Bombs weren’t going to drink themselves last night!) and and were late to Nana’s 80th birthday party. It’s not your fault everyone in your family is so uptight. You didn’t tag yourself making out with a drag queen, giving away your pre-birthday party where-a-bouts. What family doesn’t know can never hurt them.

3). Or the guilt. Your continual sharing of GoFundMe links has Mom, Dad and the grandparents constantly forking over cash. First it was for little Joey’s school trip to the Congo, now it’s for Fido’s hip dysplasia surgery. Your family can’t afford to keep bank rolling your electives. If you aren’t social media friends, they won’t feel the pressure to reverse mortgage their homes.

4). If your family can’t appreciate your duck face/bathroom mirror masterpieces, they probably aren’t your target audience. 

baby duck face

There are plenty of people on Rate My Face that will give you the validation you crave.

5). Judgy Aunt Jane doesn’t care to hear how you used your boobs to get out of a speeding ticket. No worries. The breast cancer awareness month memo obviously hasn’t been delivered to the rock she lives under.

6). Family can’t always handle daily reminders that your kids are the smartest, prettiest and most athletic kids in the gene pool. Anticipation is half the fun. You can still tell them all about it in your annual Christmas letter!

7). Diabetes runs in the family and your food porn has already put half the clan in a coma. For the love of sugar, let them unfriend you without rancor.

8). Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You have different views on religion, politics, and the many flavors of Ben & Jerry’s. So what? Not seeing your daily rants on the state of the world makes it so much easier to agree to disagree. You aren’t going to change their minds anyway.

9). Your brother doesn’t need to know you’re still friends with his ex-wife. Even for the sake of the children. Believe me, it’s better this way.

10). It’s not you, it’s them. You can choose your Facebook friends, but you can’t choose your family.

People don’t like to feel uncomfortable. And because they’re close to you, family sometimes follows your online presence and sees things in a way you didn’t intend. Instead of overreacting and calling them out at the next Sunday brunch, don’t take it as an act of betrayal. When family unfriends you breathe a nice big sigh of relief. You’ve been given a gift. Accept it and say thank you.

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  1. I unfriend or snooze family that post provocative photos of themselves. I have talked before to one of the family members that if they want to continue that’s their choice, but I will unfollow because I do not want to see them in that light. Also suggested they make a separate account where they can post all the inappropriate photos they want to their friends and maybe have a second account for family members that can keep in contact and see what’s going on in their life without the uncomfortable eye scarring.
    My family member took it well and understood where I was coming from, so I’ve just snoozed her since that’s an option.
    I’ve had to completely unfriend some though. It’s more for brain and spiritual protection.

  2. I hate that my crazy family is on Facebook. I would love to block them all.

    It includes my mother who physically and mentally abused me when I was a child. We’ve been estranged for more than 20 years. My psychopathic niece and narcissistic niece are there. A younger brother, who’s likely a psychopath, is on my friend list. My cousin who repeatedly sexually abused me when I was a child is on Facebook. I blocked him, but he’s on relative’s friend list and is always invited to parties though they know what he did to me. His wife and kids are on Facebook too, and though they’re entirely innocent of wrong-doing, seeing them post there, brings back thoughts of him and my abuse.

    I opened up about my childhood abuse to another cousin who’s on Facebook, and he blocked me. Another cousin got cool and wouldn’t speak to me after I told her about my abuse. You would think that they would want to be warned as they have young children.

    I really wish I could just close my account, but I have a business to promote.

    1. @BB, sounds like you need to forgive. I was abused by my mother and father physically and emotionally as well. I used to be very angry too, but I forgave them and it’s feels so much better and now I have a relationship with them and can talk.
      I thank Jesus Christ for changing my heart and putting love in me that I could not have before I knew him.
      I am hoping you find forgiveness in your heart soon.

  3. I unfriended pretty much everyone aside from my immediate family and a handful of very close friends and I emailed them to let them know. That was several years ago, but since I had actually entirely deactivated my account. Come to find out that all of these years later some of these family members took it very personally and saw it as a measure of my love and interest in their lives. I was shocked. I’d love to send this article to them!

  4. My new daughter in law unfriended me. Right after the wedding to my son. Heck she didn’t talk to me at bridal shower, or wedding. Her mother told me to f off.
    Funny part is i can honestly say i never did or said anything negative to bride or her mother.
    I didn’t want to cause trouble so i allowed both daughter and mother to verbally abuse me.
    Asked my son why i was unfriended? He said his wife thinks i dont make comments on her post. Im not a FB heavyweight poster.

    1. @Tricia, I’m sorry to hear you are going through that 😔

  5. I received a phone call on my cell phone from my brother in-law looking for his brother, my husband. I was surprised he even knew my cell number because I never gave it to him and he always called for his brother on our home landline.
    This is a person who never pays his bills, still owes my husband large sums of money, when he calls…it’s for help me situations. The home phone continually has 49 or more calls from him and I don’t want him blowing up my cell looking for his brother! Was I wrong to block him? Annemarie C

  6. I actually needed to read something like this, because today I saw I was unfriended by one of my cousins. Granted, we weren’t close by any means, but it still felt like I said or did something wrong to make her take such action, even though I’m not posting as often as most people would and most of what I do post are just reblogs from another page. In general, I always need to know what I did wrong so I could be more mindful of it in the future. However, the points you made were right and in the end, it’s not worth losing sleep over. Just because we’re family doesn’t mean we are entitled to anything. She made the conscious choice to unfriend me, so be it.

  7. I remember when facebook was cool, before everyone and their mom was on it, and people actually had fun on it back then. People had fun profile pics, now people take it so seriously. Before it became a mark of identity in society and people began taking facebook seriously, before it became an NSA spying tool and a marketing tool for Google. Boundaries are a good thing. Some folks do not respect boundaries and Facebook can become an encroachment. If they are your friends, they will send you a friend request again. If they are your family, they are always your family, even if it isn’t “facebook official.” How lame and social media dependent have people become???

    1. Seriously agree about the dependency part! It is not the only way to communicate.

    2. @Erik, you are right, family and friends will still be family and friends even if Facebook or Instagram or whatever doesn’t say so 🤷‍♀️

  8. Thank you for this article. My own son defriended me. I was told because he didn’t like what I said to him. He’s been out of work for over a year due to medical reasons and I always try to encourage and say positive things. I suggested that he looks into something that he loves to do and that is playing the guitar, drums mostly guitar. He could tutor. But evidently that got him mad because I stated it on Facebook. Ever since he turned 14 I have been walking on eggs, afraid to say anything wrong to him. He had chemical off balance which had a mental illness for a short period of time , 3 years. So I try not to be offensive, just encouragement, praise and giving positive outlook only to be defriended. Well, I am done walking on eggs with this 41 year old!

    1. sorry, but I agree with your son. You need to get a life and let him have his.

      1. She has a life! He’s the one who needs to get a life….stop being so sensitive to the person who cares the most and has only the best intentions towards him!

      2. I agree with your son too. Advising an out of work adult to get a job on a public forum like FB? Crossing so many boundaries.

      3. Unless you know then personally, you nor I are hardly in any position to give advice or chide a mother and her relationship with her son.

  9. This makes me feel so much better as I have had cousins who have unfriended me on fb and then try to be so sticky sweet and nice at gatherings. I just keep on going and don’t need their drama in my world. Whatever they feel who cares. . . . .I may see them once or twice a year if that and my life is way better without the drama.

  10. I wish I could have unfriended my sister on FB, but she wasn’t on it. She did try to log into mine, one night, while I was at church, but I saw her email address under my face book log in. Instead, we just stopped speaking and it’s a year now. Life is so much better

    1. My sister blocked me. She used to be my best friend. I am a recovering heroin addict. Im a methadone patient . I am. Extremly shy.. I have no friends. She was my only support. She is supposedly a christian. I feel like she tu%ned her back on me. She lives in hawaii.A year and a half older.She gave me no reason why she blocked me. A coward in my eyes now. She turned her back on. Me.

  11. Found out that my aunt had blocked me when I tried to send her a birthday greeting on fb. I emailed her a card instead noting that because I was apparently blocked from her fb page I couldn’t post one there. I didn’t hear from her for two years, and we live in the same city. Her choice, her loss, not mine, less drama for me in the long run. Just sad as she is one of my few remaining relatives.

  12. You know, it’s much healthier not having all that crap in my life.

  13. Thanks, Tracy. This piece is the best thing that has happened to me today. I’ve always wondered why my brother and sister blocked me from their Facebook but with this, I now know better. I’ve moved on and out of their drama. Thanks again.

    1. $10 bucks says you’re the problem and your husband who kept sleeping with prostitutes your entire marriage while you silently judge your siblings’ marriages.

      1. Whoah. Is there a moderator here? This is ridiculous.

  14. It’s always good to look on the positive side. I had a cousin who blocked me because she didn’t want me asking her about stuff she posted on Facebook. Well they why’d you post it? She ended up unblocking me a week later but now I feel like I no longer trust her.

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