Amazon’s New Cartoon, Danger & Eggs, Is Everything It’s Cracked Up To Be!

Starring SNL’s Aidy Bryant as daredevil little girl D.D. Danger, and Eric Knobel as her ever-cautious best friend and talking egg, Phillip, this show will catch your kiddo’s attention from the very first episode and hold it through the last. And, best of all, you totally won’t mind watching it again.

Danger & Eggs if FILLED with smart jokes. Not the kind that only adults will get, but jokes that are funny to kids AND adults. It’s also filled with heart. D.D. lives life to the fullest, but she can only do that because her best friend Phillip (again, a giant walking, talking egg) is there by her side. But it isn’t all about Phillip rescuing D.D. from dangerous situations. These two love each other. D.D. knows everything about Phillip and is willing to sacrifice herself (over and over again) to take care of her friend. And Phillip is always willing to do the same for D.D. It’s like Phillip is there to keep D.D. from taking her adventures too far, and D.D. helps Phillip break out of his safety shell, so to speak.

Overflowing with brightly drawn, but simple illustrations, fun music, and a cast of reoccurring odd characters, even if you end up watching the episodes over and over again, you might never catch everything. Which. Is. Awesome. It means that even if your kids fall completely head-over-heels in love with this show, you aren’t going to secretly begrudge turning it on for them. More than that, though, are the lessons they’ll learn.

Though it definitely isn’t heavy-handed about its message, Danger & Eggs will teach your kids lessons that they’ll hopefully take with them into their everyday lives. Lessons about loyalty as D.D. and Phillip stand up for each other and take care of each other. Lessons about growing up and accepting responsibility as the two make sacrifices for themselves and others. Lessons about compassion. About generosity. Pride. Patience. And my favorite? About being yourself.

Phillip never tries to change D.D. And D.D. never tries to change Phillip. They are who they are. And more than that, they openly acknowledge that they should be whoever they are. In the second episode, Broccoli, Phillip realizes he enjoys broccoli – a sure sign that he’s becoming a grown-up. D.D.’s afraid Phillip will land in a place where he’s neither a kid nor an adult, so she goes about helping him grow up (to keep him from being exiled to the land of in between). Turns out there is no land of in between, but more than that the two recognize that it’s okay for Phillip to be a kid AND enjoy broccoli. It’s okay for him to be who he is.

Probably the best part about Danger & Eggs is that because it’s an Amazon Prime show, you and your kids can take it with you. So during long car rides, or waiting at the doctor’s office, or even while shopping, rather than listening to a constant barrage of, “Are we there yet?” or “Can we please leave?” your kids will be watching a show that they’ll genuinely like and that you genuinely like, too. That’s pretty rare. And with 13 2-episode, 20-minutes-long-each videos, your kids will have about 4 1/2 hours of solidly entertaining watching ahead of them…and you’ll have about 4 1/2 hours of solidly earned peace ahead of you. Which, at this point in the summer, I’m guessing you’ll truly appreciate.

Ultimately Danger & Eggs is a fantastic show with a lot of heart and a good, safe pick for kids of any age. They’ll fall in love with the odd, quirky, sparkly and fun characters, and thankfully, so will you.

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Internet Creeper Seeks Young Woman To Fulfill All His Weirdest Coachella Dreams

Gordon, or ‘Gordie’ as he prefers his future victims to call him, is a 56-year-old divorced man from West Covina who has left his job, cleared out his 401K, and bought an RV all with plans to head out to Coachella with a young woman who can meet his 20 demands, some of which seem to come right out of the serial killer handbook…

COACHELLA VIP WEEKEND 1 PASS: free for the right person

Ok here’s the deal. I have a VIP Pass for Weekend 2. I’m willing to give it away for free to the right person. I’m looking for a travel “companion” that can enjoy the festival with me and just have a good time. I left my job as Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation and subsequently divorced my wife of 11 years. I cashed out my 401k and decided that moving forward, my life is all about having fun! No more team meetings, no more employee evaluations, no more balance sheets, no more darn conference calls at 7am. JUST FUN! I have a room at the Tropics Motor Motel in Indio Thursday through Monday. If you believe you can meet the below criteria, please shoot me an email and describe why you think you make the best fit. I appreciate your time and look forward to finding the right “one”!

1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25

2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).

3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).

4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over.

5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.

6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic.

7. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially).

8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.

9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks…BIG BONUS!

10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).

11. Periodic moments of extended eye contact.

12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).

13. Must not be into drugs, pot ok.

14. Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instigram account.

15. Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence.

16. At least once during festival, you must allow me to carry you on my shoulders so you can see stage better (perfect time for instigram photo!)

17. At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that “I am naughty”.

18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that “you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time”.

19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.

20. Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN!

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and as mentioned, an all expenses paid trip. If you think you’re the one, let me know and we can have a great time together. My name is Gordon and I am 56 years old from West Covina.

Best,

Gordie

Best of luck, women of West Covina! I don’t think there’s ever before been a better reason to stay away from Coachella…or at very least creepy RV driving guys who want to brush your hair and watch you clip your toenails. Yeah…

…And I’m Just Waitin’ For A Pregnant Giraffe To Poop Out A Baby

People have started making jokes about giraffes laying eggs to pass the time. Will they be square eggs? Will it be a blue egg is it’s a boy, and a pink egg if it’s a girl? Are the eggs spotted like a giraffe. Yes, uptight people, we are well aware that giraffes don’t lay eggs. After nearly a week of “BABY WATCH 2017,” these are jokes. Funny jokes. Laugh! It doesn’t have to be veterinary class 101 the whole time.

It seems like Momma April has been in labor FOREVER!! Some have even wondered if she is really pregnant. The answer to this is YES, she is pregnant, for the FOURTH time! She may, however, not be quite as far along as we all thought.

April, who lives at the Animal Adventure Park near Binghamton, New York, has been pregnant for 15 months. While she is showing signs of impending labor (staggered walking, movement in her belly, etc), actual active labor has not yet started. Active labor will begin when the calf’s hooves start to make their way out of the birth  canal. From this point, it can be up to an hour from visible hooves to the baby making that dramatic six-foot tumble to the ground.

When this will happen, nobody is quite sure (but, be prepared for it to break the internet). Rest assured, however, she does have veterinary staff at the zoo checking on her regularly. She is being well cared for, and loved by millions!!

I’ll give it to Animal Adventure Park. This was awesome marketing! Put a stationary camera in the pen with a beautiful pregnant creature, and the world goes nuts!! I can tell you, I want to make the trip to New York to see April, Oliver, and the baby in person (in all their giraffe glory)! They are like my own cuddly, giant pets now!!

If you want to be part of “Baby Watch 2017” (some are referring to it as “Giraffe Watch 2017”), check out the Live feed below. But if you want to see it with the hilarious comments, search Facebook Live for the LIVE FEED (make sure it’s not a recorded feed).

Word has it, the Animal Adventure Park is going to hold a baby naming contest after the birth of this 6 foot, 200 pound cutie. I’m pretty sure Princess Amanda Hope Sparkle Hooves  is a winner!

(FYI, this is the actual LIVE feed from Animal Adventure Park’s Giraffe Cam as seen on YouTube)

With friends and family spread across the nation, parents, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents in farflung cities, technology has moved to bring us together. A quick google search netted me 10+ apps that are free, most of which offered video chat, and a number of them offered the option to delete messages and call history.

As adults this is a really cool thing. I can talk to my friends and then clear the convo so that creepers can’t hack me and then contact my friends.

As parents, this can be terrifying.

Is Your Child In Danger Online?

Case in point: A friend of mine has several facebook pages, one of which she allows her daughter to use, under supervision to talk to out-of-state cousins, her uncle in Afghanistan, and me. The computer is in the living room, in the mother’s line of sight. Totally safe right? The daughter also has access to Skype in order to have weekly supervised chats with me and her uncle, under the strict rules that she is not allowed to be on Skype without the mother’s supervision. Again, should be totally safe.

See, here’s where that whole thing of “our kids are more technically adept than we are” comes into play. The child memorized the passwords. Mom was tired, child wanted to play Candy Crush or something of the sort and Mom told her the password. Weekly skype call time came around, Mom is cooking, tells child the password and the little brainiac remembers it. Mom thinks nothing of either of these occurrences because she is in the room and watching the resulting game or conversation. Weeks later, mom falls asleep after a long day at work, child gets on facebook using the memorized password. Here’s where the danger comes in.

Children, especially preteens, do not understand the concept of high level deceit. They do not understand that there are more fake accounts claiming to be their favorite stars than there are real They don’t know to check for that little blue check mark that says “this really is Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez or whoever else.”

So when these cons start talking to them in their private message box, our young impressionable children can be taken in by their lies.

In this particular case, the child added messenger to her tablet so that she could continue talking to this false star without her mother knowing that she was on facebook unsupervised. Completely convinced that she was safe, that Mom was just trying to limit her computer time. He talked her into skyping with him, and talked her into committing unspeakable acts on her person for his enjoyment. This happened over the course of one day from him talking her into skyping to him taking advantage of her. He was in the process of trying to talk her into loading one of those apps that you can delete conversations from when her mother woke up and checked the child’s messages from the main computer.

It can happen that fast. So many children have electronic devices these days. Many of them were originally purchased so that the child can play games and stay out of mom’s hair in the car, and nobody pays attention to the fact that the phone/tablet is capable of so very much more.

If you are getting an electronic device for your child, one that can access the internet, I am begging you: if you don’t know how to lock it down, turn off the camera, block the child from adding apps, please find somebody who does. Take the thing to your local cell phone store and ask them to lock it down. Most of them won’t have a problem with helping you and they should all know how to do it.

There are apps that allow you to manage apps and other control on your child’s device. Some cost money, and some are free through Amazon. These are all easily found through a Google search.

The last 24 hours have been a learning experience for me and my friend. For one thing, we learned not to underestimate a child’s intelligence by looking at the years she has walked the earth. We also learned how quickly our naivete can rob an angel of her innocence. Her mother asked me to write this because she wanted to give other parents the warning: educate yourselves early so you can better protect your angels.

Learning tech is no longer just a matter of being cool with the kids.

UPDATE: It has been 5 months since this happened. The FBI took over from the local PD immediately and, working with INTERPOL, arrested this particular stalker last week in Australia. This is the good news. The bad news is that this is not an isolated case. The simple fact that the FBI and INTERPOL have divisions that are specifically designed to find these people is frightening in its necessity.

Be alert. Our children need more lerts.

Why Online Mommy Trolls Are The Meanest Of ALL The Trolls

So here is my experience with these vilest of creatures… I work from home, writing things from the heart meant to reach out to readers in a meaningful way. And yes, some of my posts are pointed, and on those posts I totally understand the negative comments.

But then the personal attacks start. Mommies coming at me commenting about things that they really shouldn’t comment about. And maybe it’s that THEY felt attacked that makes them attack back, who knows, but these woman take things too far.

Take, for instance, when mommy trolls (I shall start calling them Moles from here forward) started attacking a sweet post my friend wrote about her daughter. They called her daughter fat. Hopeless. Said she had no future.

The kid is 10.

Moles should never, EVER be allowed to say things like that about a ten-year-old! C’mon!

It’s like they carry a diaper bag in one hand, and a bazooka in the other.

For me the tipping point…the whole reason I’m writing this…are all the attacks about how I don’t have kids.

Now, to be fair, I’ve been very clear up until this point about my fertility issues and the fact that it breaks my heart that I’ve never been able to carry a baby. That doesn’t mean I don’t have kids in my life. In fact, I am surrounded by kids to the point that my family calls me Mary Poppins. I’ve got nieces and nephews out the wazoo and I’ve had a hand in helping raise (in my home, thankyousomuch) three non-related kids.

But I can’t carry.

Which shouldn’t matter, but to the MOLES it makes All The Difference In The World.

The other day I was told it was best I couldn’t have children, because I’d probably just kill them.

I’ve been told I should kill myself so I don’t accidentally conceive.

I’ve been told that until I’m able to give birth on my own, I should shut the front door (less nice language was used).

The most painful, though, was the one who wrote that the baby I lost probably died in-utero to escape being born to me because I’m just horrible.

All of this is awful. Very unfair. Very uncalled for. But more than that…what message is it giving to other women? How many other women read these comments and internalize the attacks? How many are in similar situations to my own and start to feel as if the attacks are not only directed toward me, but toward every woman like me.

It’s vile.

So you know how we’re told not to feed the trolls? I say eff that. I want to feed them Se7en style. Like, just strap them to a chair and shovel spaghetti down their mean Mole throats and wait for them to pop.

Because, seriously, at this point I don’t know what else would stop them.

And while I won’t quit writing, I really do wish I could whack-a-Mole…whack her right upside her judgy-judgy mean mommy troll head.

Have you ever been trolled? Ever been cyber-bullied? Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with the mean moms on Facebook and other social media? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!