I turned 48 this week, and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life.
Okay, that’s probably a little dramatic. I know some things. I have a daughter I adore, a business I’ve spent years building, and a whole lot of life experience that I definitely did not ask for.
But I’m not the same person I was at 30. Or 40. Hell, I’m not even the same person I was two years ago.
My daughter grew up and moved out. Suddenly, I’m an empty nester, which is a really weird thing to become when you’ve spent so much of your adult life being someone’s mom.
And then there’s my business.
I’ve spent years building Totally The Bomb. I love what I’ve created, and one of the coolest things about being an entrepreneur is that, technically, I can make my business whatever I want it to be.
But also? I have bills to pay.
There’s something really complicated about having the freedom to reinvent your entire life while also needing that life to keep the lights on.
The things I wanted at 30 aren’t necessarily the things I want at 48. The things that used to excite me don’t always excite me anymore. Sometimes I look at everything I’ve built and wonder what I’m supposed to do with it next.
So when someone reached out about career coach Laura Simms and the way women start questioning themselves and their careers in midlife, I was immediately interested.
Because BRO. I LIVE THIS.
A Womea article discusses how perimenopause can affect work. But for me, this conversation goes beyond concentration. It’s about changing as a person and wondering whether the life and career you’ve worked so hard to build still fit the person you’re becoming.
I mean, how could everything stay the same when you’re not the same?
Laura is the founder of Your Career Homecoming, where she helps accomplished professionals navigate career changes and figure out what they actually want from their working lives.
When I read what she had to say about the difference between being good at something and actually wanting to spend your energy doing it? Oh my gosh. That one hit me.
I asked her five questions about midlife confidence, burnout, changing priorities, and figuring out what comes next. Here’s what she told me.
Why do women suddenly lose confidence at work in midlife, even after years of being successful?
Laura Simms: The most common thing I hear is some version of “I don’t recognize myself at work anymore.” These are women with fifteen or twenty years of proof that they’re excellent. They’ve run teams, built programs, and been the person everyone calls when something breaks. Then somewhere in their forties or fifties, the ease goes. They second-guess emails they used to send without a thought. They hold back in meetings they used to lead. They start wondering whether everyone else can see it too.
Part of what’s happening is internal. What made her successful at 35 may not be what she wants to spend her energy on at 50, and competence does not equal calling. You can be excellent at something and still be drained by it. Her life outside work has often shifted too, with caregiving, a changing body, or kids who need her in new ways.
The other part is the terrain. Ageism and sexism shape how midlife women are treated at work, and when the culture around you starts acting like you’re less relevant, it’s hard not to absorb some of that.
When I dig in with these women, their ability is intact. What has slipped is their connection to their voice, values, and power, and that can be rebuilt.
How can you tell if you’re burned out, need more support, or genuinely need a different career?
Laura Simms: She usually knows when she’s burned out. She’s often been in denial for a long time, but it gets to a point where her body is screaming at her and she can’t ignore it anymore. One way you can tell is a loss of appetite for most things, whether that’s work, showing up for relationships, or hobbies and activities that used to be fun.
She also knows she’s in a situation that doesn’t respond to rest. Rest might make it easier to tolerate, but she’s probably already tried that and figured out it isn’t the solution. What she’s dealing with is inhabiting a working life that no longer fits her.
From there, I help her figure out where the drain is coming from. I ask her to separate the work she’s good at from the work that gives her energy, because those lists often look very different. If the drain comes from the core of the role, more support won’t fix it. If it comes from workload or from something happening at home, support can make a meaningful difference, and that’s worth sorting out before any big decision.
When the job has run its course, we plan a crossfade, where the old role fades out as the new one fades in, so she isn’t leaping with nothing underneath her.
What are three things women can do this week to rebuild their confidence?
Laura Simms:
- Track energy for five days. At the end of each day, she jots down what gave her energy and what drained it. She’s tracking energy here, which is different from what went well. This gives her evidence that her gifts are still there, and it shows her where those gifts and her current role have drifted apart.
- Ask two people who’ve known her a long time one question: “What do I do so naturally that I probably don’t notice it?” Our inherent skills are invisible to us because they’re effortless. Hearing them named by someone who has watched you for years is a fast way to remember who you are.
- Pay attention to what she wants in small ways, and let herself have it. A lot of what’s causing the disconnect and loss of confidence is simply that she no longer listens and responds to herself. She denies and represses what she knows and what she wants. Something as simple as canceling plans she previously committed to, or letting herself have what she really wants for dinner, can start to rebuild self-trust and confidence.
How can women ask for changes at work without revealing personal health information?
Laura Simms: She gets to decide what’s private, and she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation of her body in order to get what she needs to do good work. The move is to frame the request around the work and the conditions that help her deliver it.
So instead of explaining why early mornings are hard, she might say, “I do my sharpest strategic thinking late morning. Can we move our 8 a.m. standing meeting to 10?” Instead of explaining fatigue, she might say, “I’d like to work remotely two days a week. Here’s how I’ll keep the team covered and how we’ll know it’s working.” She leads with the outcome and names the specific change she wants. Proposing a trial period lowers the stakes for everyone and makes yes easier to say.
If someone pushes for a reason, “It’s a personal matter, and this change will help me do my best work” is a complete answer.
One practical note: if she wants a formal accommodation, HR may ask for some documentation. That’s usually a separate channel from her manager, and HR or an employment attorney can explain what’s required where she works.
What would you say to the woman thinking, “I used to be so good at this. What happened to me?”
Laura Simms: I’d tell her she is still good at this. The skills she built over twenty years didn’t go anywhere. What changed is her. She has grown, her life has shifted, and the work that used to fit may no longer fit the person she is now. That mismatch often shows up first as self-doubt.
For high achievers this is especially disorienting, because the old move was always to work harder, and that has stopped working. So I’d invite her to trade “What’s wrong with me?” for “What do I need now that I didn’t need before?” The second question is far more useful, and it has an answer.
No one starts from scratch. Everything she has built comes with her into what’s next. Wanting change at this stage is often what ensures survival, not a sign that she’s slipping. My job is to bring you back home to yourself, and from there, the next move gets much clearer.
I’m 48, and I don’t have to have everything figured out
There’s one thing Laura said that I keep coming back to. The work you’re good at and the work that gives you energy aren’t necessarily the same thing.
And OMG. YES.
Just because you can keep doing something doesn’t necessarily mean you want to spend the next twenty years doing it. And that is a really strange realization when you’re 48.
I love my business. I love being a mom. I love the life I’ve built. But my daughter doesn’t need me in the same ways she used to. My priorities have changed. I’ve changed.
It’s not as easy as deciding to reinvent yourself tomorrow. There are responsibilities. There are bills. There are all the very unromantic parts of being a grown-up that don’t magically disappear because you’ve had a revelation about your life.
Laura’s suggestion to start by paying attention to what gives us energy really stuck with me. Not what we’re good at. Not what makes everybody else happy. Not what we’ve always done. What actually makes us feel excited to be alive right now?
I’m 48. My daughter is grown. My business is still growing. And I’m trying to figure out what I want the next twenty years to look like.
I don’t have an answer yet.
But I do have bills to pay, so I can’t exactly quit everything and go find myself in Italy.
Which, frankly, is bullshit.
About Laura Simms: Laura is the founder of Your Career Homecoming, an Atlanta-based career coaching practice for mid- and late-career high achievers. A Certified Equity-Centered Coach and creator of The WHOLE Method, she has coached more than 450 professionals since 2011. Learn more at Your Career Homecoming.
This interview was conducted by email for Totally The Bomb. Laura’s responses have been preserved, with questions formatted for readability.
