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Do Not Let Your Kids Watch 13 REASONS WHY

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13 Reasons Why is a show on Netflix based on the Best Selling Young Adult Novel by Jay Asher. The book takes place just after a teenage girl kills herself and she has left a series of 13 tapes behind for the people in her life that are the reasons why she killed herself to listen to. I read the book several years ago and have followed the author online for several years. I am a bit of a YA junkie, and I was really excited for this series to come out. Which means that going in, I knew that the booked touched on extremely triggering topics like rape and suicide.

I watched the series fully intending on sitting down with my middle school aged daughter and watching with her. I knew that the topics touched on were hardcore, and that it would lead to some serious discussions between the two of us. But I am not so naive as to think that her friends aren’t already talking about sex and suicide. Even as a sixth grader, my daughter has brought a string of texts between her and a few friends where one of the girls was threatening to kill herself. This is heavy stuff that I hate my kid is learning about at such a young age, but it IS happening, and we as parents DO need to be aware of it.

All that being said, I beg you to, no I IMPLORE you, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WATCH 13 REASONS WHY! (And if they have already watched it, but you haven’t, keep reading, because you have some damage control to do.)

Why am I not okay with this Netflix Original Series? Why do I not want kids to learn about the aftermath of bullying, drugs, alcohol, rape and suicide? (This show is rated TV-MA by the way, which means Mature Audience Only. This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. So Netflix doesn’t disagree with me.)

  1. This show was overly graphic. The last four episodes especially, so if you watch the first couple and think you have a good overview of how intense the show is, you don’t. They have explicit warnings at the beginning of each episode, but that isn’t enough. The show features two rapes of teenage girls. These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.
  2. The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself. They showed her stealing razors, and the showed the actual cutting of her wrists, the way she cried out and laid in the bathtub until she was gone. Why show a kid exactly how to do it? Why was that important? Don’t you think we could have gotten the same feelings if we hadn’t watched the blade actually pierce and slice her skin? (Also, in the books, she took pills. Was that not graphic enough for television?)
  3. The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.
  4. They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. In the book, the story was more about the kids she left behind, but for some reason, the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die? What kind of effed up message even is that?

Look, I get it. I get that the whole point of the series is to make me feel uncomfortable because you SHOULD be uncomfortable when it comes to these topics. I understand that the scenes were overly graphic because they were trying to be real and show kids that actions have real consequences. I am just saying that it went too far. That the message is lost in the uncomfortableness, and that the way the series is depicted isn’t fair to the story or to the characters and what they went through.

The bottom line is this:  There are differences between reading books and watching shows. With books, if things get too intense you can easily skim ahead a bit and avoid certain content. With shows it isn’t that simple. And a younger watcher might not be emotionally prepared to watch someone else’s depiction of these events. That development takes time. Seeing it thrown out there before they have the emotional strength to understand it us unfair to them and it isn’t right for us as parents to do that.

I remember the first time I watched the Lord of The Rings, when the orcs came on and how scared I was of them. The thing is, when I’d read the book as a kid, the orcs were only as scary as my imagination would let them be, and they were nowhere near as frightening as they were in the movie. I think this is sort of the same thing happening here. When you read something, your mind is only going to let it go as far as your mind can handle but when you watch it, you are at the mercy of someone else’s mind, and this time 13 Reasons Why did a poor job of understanding how much high school and middle school aged kids can handle.

Honestly, I am disappointed that I can’t share this show with my child. That we can’t talk through the things that happen, the cyber bullying, the sex, the kids and the way they treat each other and use this series as a tool to breed the conversation. I would have loved to see this series be something we could show to our high schoolers. A teaching aide for them to understand that life isn’t as dramatic or dire as they think it is in high school. It is such a missed opportunity that because of the overly graphic nature of a few scenes that this series can’t be more valuable to us as a society.

If your kids have already watched it, or you are planning to let them watch it anyway, talk to them. Talk through what they’ve seen and what their friends are talking about. Really spend some time on these topics and assess how it made them feel, because if this show shocked me as an adult, I can’t imagine how much it is going to rock the thought process of an adolescent.

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279 Comments

  1. Honestly, I didn’t even finish reading this because it’s all BS. The problem with society now is that no one wants to talk about suicide or rape. You SHOULD let your kids watch this show because it will actually get them to talk about their issues or anything that concerns YOU. We have 12 year olds committing suicide. Wake up people. The show is amazing, it’s real and it’s true and if you can’t handle that, well you’re in for a rude awakening. And if you don’t like what I have to say, then you’re part of the problem.

  2. Before I watched 13 reasons why I tried to hurt myself with intentions of ending my life, I went somewhere and got help. This was in 8th grad I’m 15 now and just finished it, I feel it accurately portrays how messed up things can really be, it did not negatively effect me, it actually showed me the effect that if i hadnt lived through the attempt how things may have been for others. I suggest that 14 and under should not watch it but as a survivor i can say its point on, watching it may be good for you unless eagerly triggered. While it may be graphic it does send a good message but some people don’t realize it because they are focused on the graphical aspects of the how, never focus on that, focus and the meaning. have a good day to whom ever may read this.

  3. I think you are totally right, i went to book shop direct to teenage shelve to buy a nice book for my stepdaughter to offer in christmas, with 14 years old, and i thought to buy something cool about the first love in school, i was in rush because my parkng stay was almost finished, so i liked the cover and the title and read the first line of the back introduction. I thought that this could be about love, kindness and funny about some boy falling in love. So in home i read all back before packing and i decided not give it to her. Because is really heavy thematic for a children read and i don’t understand how this kind of books are in teen sections. Teens are still children with dreams and very big imagination. And it’s not for sure healthy read this kind of books.

  4. Why on earth would you let an 11 year old watch something that you already knew was rated for for mature audiences only….

  5. I disagree I think as a parent to watch this series with my child would be beneficial to both of us. A little graphic yes. That could be toned down. I appreciate you taking the time to give your opinion as it is necessary just as much as mine is. Thank you.

    1. Just started season 2 probably should have watched it before giving my opinion. I did not know they would go more graphic. The story behind the idea is good but too much for 14 and under and serious consideration for those older and an adult who knows the fast forward button.

  6. Have you seen the last couple episodes of the sedond season yet!

  7. I really appreciated reading this today! my son is really bad about going to his dad’s and then come back and want to watch things that I do not allow him to watch. Anyway there are some things I am not that strict on but when it comes to sex and rape and things of that nature I’m like no.! He why he is now in 7th grade and he kept telling me he wanted to watch 13 Reasons Why and I keep asking him is it appropriate for you like is there sexual things in it that I’m not going to agree with? He tells me he know he seen a piece of it and it seemed kind to him. So I’ll look it up as far as the parental review Now find out that it has the rape scenes and things like that. I tell him he cannot watch it because there is too many sex and rape scenes and I do not agree with him seeing that. He knows that rapie it’s forced on someone but to allow him to see that at 12 years old I just don’t feel right about it. So as a parent of a middle school child I am really glad I came across your review. It made me feel way better about my decision!

  8. I agree with you, there has been several middle school girls in our community who have been cutting their wrists/arms and it came back to seeing it on 10 reason why. They all did it just like on the tv show.

  9. Your kids are growing up being so precious

  10. The show is for adults. Stop saying that it’s for children or adolescents. They didn’t make it graphic for children, they tried to accurately portray the events. Also, could you explain why you skip over portions of books that make you uncomfortable? That’s what those sections are supposed to do. If a book states that someone was raped and fails to provide any of the details, either from a first person or third person perspective, you might be more prone to overlook the horror of the event and the associated trauma.

    1. It is aimed towards adults so that adults will talk to their children about graphic things like rape and sex. People saying it is aimed to teens and children are ridiculous. The producers even warned that it would be graphic and not for children but adults and warned that people who have been through things like this should be careful watching it. I can’t believe how people don’t understand this show. I get that it is graphic and all but life is graphic. Season 2 was extremely more graphic then the first, especially the last episode, which I don’t think was necessary, but, it has happened! It’s happened in my school before. It’s real life stuff and that’s what I love about it. They don’t stary from the “hard things”

  11. Hey, I can agree, but with the razor blade being more graphic, I belive it was to show that suicide is not easy and will be very painful. That’s why they did the razor blade instead of the pills.

    1. im 12 years old, i haven’t watched “13 reasons why” yet. i asked my mom can i watch it and told her my sister said that it was inappropriate and my mom said yes i can watch it. before i watched it i wanted to learn some background information and i stumbled upon this site. i feel exactly what you feel. it really isn’t right about the graphic things. thank you so much for the information, if i hadn’t read this, i wouldn’t know what i was in for when i started watching it!

  12. Great article, well expressed and so needed…. Glad I stumbled on your site!
    Was able to express to the young ladies in my family why this is not a show to take about like they seem to be!
    Plus, I have boys who are less interested in drama… But it’s a good eye opener for any parent who has or has not figured out which direction they plan on taking… Key word: PLAN! ??? Thank you!

  13. I agree strongly. 13 reasons why is so disgustingly inappropriate and season 2 is even worse ! They have a legit porn scene and another where the kids practically have a threesome ! It’s so disgusting that they advertise this crap to young audiences.

    1. I wondered what the 2nd season would hold!
      I thought it looked like they had chilled out some of the blatancy and in your face-ness in the first episode…. Guess not! ?

  14. Thanks for this amazing article and yeah, 13 RW is not good for childrens at any case!

  15. Great stuff thank you so much for providing me all the 13 reason to why i should not let my kids watch.

  16. This story is problematic for many reasons – it is extremely graphic and certainly not appropriate for young teens, if anyone.

    1. It is a good series and it made me think about the issues I will be having to possibly address with my son’s… But when I realized I had niece’s and friends with 12-14 year old who were waiting for season 2 like I used to wait for boy bands… It grossed me out to think they are in that idolizing stage of teen years, but becoming desensitized to these real issues being portrayed liked Jerry Springer style…. Extreme, violent, parents being blind and 16 year old acting like 26 year old because never forget: it’s Hollywood. Not yourtown, USA or whatever home a parent has created for their children.

      Maybe reread? Because I already had my opinion but Jamie stated some issues I hadn’t even thought of.
      ?

  17. Amazing content and yeah we done recommend under 13 years old should not watch this series!