I am annoyed that I still know my ex’s birthday.
That’s where this started. Looking at a date in October and being pissed off that it still takes up space in my head. There’s a wedding anniversary in here, too, and honestly? I would like both of those things to get the hell out of my favorite month.
October is my birthday. It’s my cousins’ birthdays. My grandma’s is on the 24th. There are people I love all over this month.
And in my house, it isn’t even Halloween.
It’s Halle-ween.
Halloween is the stay-at-home mom Olympics
I think I realized this when Halle was little and had her butterfly costume. It was fantastic. I even found the old post about taking her to the Butterfly Flutterby in 2008.
She got to walk in a parade, which she had been begging to do, and she ended up on the news. Then she couldn’t figure out how she could be on the television and in the house at the same time.
God, I’m glad I wrote that down.
That costume is tied to something I still believe: Halloween is the stay-at-home mom Olympics. It’s finally our chance to shine.
Think about the other holidays. Somebody has to cook. Somebody has to buy gifts. Somebody has to figure out which family you’re visiting and when you’re leaving and whether you’re supposed to bring a side.
Halloween? Get some candy. We’re going to be weird.
You can put all that energy into seeing just how fucking creative you can be. A costume. A ridiculous decoration. Whatever idea you’ve been wanting an excuse to try. You get to have fun with it, and your kid gets to join in.
I loved that.
There was a little girl in a butterfly costume, and I got to be her mom, and we had somewhere wonderful to go.
Then there was her Princess Azula costume. Halle insisted it be super accurate. She was not kidding around. In that old post, I wrote that she assumed everyone would know who she was. She had taken the assignment seriously.
She’s 21 now
Halle is 21, and I think she’s going to have the best Halloween ever.
I’m excited for her. I’m also sitting here remembering a little girl who couldn’t understand how television worked, and I suppose both of those things are going to happen when you’ve been somebody’s mom this long.
Mostly, I’m just glad I got so many with her.
So many Halloweens when she was little. So many chances to get excited about a costume and see her in it. I can still pull up a post I wrote eighteen years ago and find a detail I might otherwise have forgotten.
That’s a pretty good reason to have kept a blog.
I want October back
I don’t know how to stop remembering a date. Apparently being very clear that you’re done with someone does not remove their birthday from your brain. Inconvenient.
But I want to give more of this month to the people I’m happy to remember. My cousins can have the tenth. My grandma has the 24th. I’ve got my own birthday to celebrate.
And I have Halle, who is grown now and has her own Halloween to enjoy, while I get to be glad I was there for so many of the little ones.
I started tonight thinking about his birthday.
Then I went looking for her butterfly costume.
I’m glad that’s where I ended up.
