Why I’m so over thoughts and prayers (and what to do instead)

There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from doing something that feels like something — while nothing actually changes.

I have posted the infographic. Signed the petition. Changed the profile frame. Felt weirdly good about myself for four hours and then remembered nothing had moved. That’s the trap — the feel-good move and the actually-effective move can look identical from the outside, and we’ve all been told they’re the same thing for so long that it’s genuinely hard to tell them apart anymore.

So this is me — someone who has wasted a truly embarrassing amount of energy on political bubble bath — working through what actually moves the needle even a little, versus what is essentially comfort food for your conscience. Both have their place. But you should know which one you’re reaching for.

Why does this distinction even matter?

Energy is finite — and when the news cycle is relentless and everything feels like it’s on fire simultaneously, you cannot afford to spend all your resistance fuel on things that are only cathartic.

There’s actually a term researchers use — “slacktivism” — and while it sounds a little mean, studies on online activism suggest that low-effort digital actions can actually reduce the likelihood that someone follows up with higher-effort, higher-impact ones. You scratched the itch. You moved on.

That doesn’t mean every small act is pointless. It means the audit is worth doing — being honest with yourself about what you’re doing and why. And that’s the part nobody talks about.

What actually does something?

Calling your elected official — not emailing, actually calling — is one of the highest-impact things a regular person can do without quitting their day job.

Staffers tally calls. They report them up the chain. A spike in calls on a specific issue genuinely shifts how a rep thinks heading into a vote. It makes sense because the bar to call is high enough that a flood of real calls signals real constituents with real feelings — not a bot campaign. Five calls from actual humans can outweigh five hundred form emails. You can find your rep’s number at congress.gov and it takes three minutes. Three.

Showing up to a local city council or school board meeting is another one that punches way above its weight. Local government has enormous power over your actual daily life — zoning, school curriculum, police oversight, public transit — and almost nobody shows up. The room is often a dozen people. You being there and speaking for two minutes during public comment is genuinely not nothing. It’s actually kind of a lot.

What’s just making you feel better?

Signing online petitions has an almost zero track record of directly changing policy. I know. I’m sorry.

Change.org petitions get celebrated by the people who already agree with you and largely ignored by the people you’re trying to reach. If signing one takes ten seconds and costs you nothing, that’s probably exactly what it’s worth. Same with “raising awareness” posts that don’t have a specific ask attached. Awareness without action is just information. If your post doesn’t tell people what to DO — where to call, where to donate, where to show up — it’s not activism. It’s a mood board.

Boycotts are complicated. A boycott that’s organized, sustained, and has a specific measurable demand can work — history actually backs this up. But a boycott that’s just you quietly not buying a thing for a week and then forgetting about it? That’s between you and your conscience, which is fine. Just don’t dress it up as strategy.

Is sharing on social media ever actually worth it?

Yes — with conditions. Sharing something that includes a direct link to call a rep, donate to a legal fund, or register to vote is a genuine multiplier.

You’re not the action — you’re the nudge that gets someone else to take the action. That’s real. But sharing something because it made you feel validated and smart, with no actionable next step? That’s content. Which is fine — but it’s content, not activism. The question to ask before you hit share — after someone reads this, what are they supposed to do? If the answer is just “feel informed,” be honest about what that is.

How is moving your money the most underrated move nobody’s talking about?

Switching from a big national bank to a local credit union or community development financial institution is one of the most genuinely effective things an individual can do — and almost nobody frames it the way it deserves to be framed.

Your deposits fund loans. Big banks fund things you might not love. Credit unions and CDFIs lend locally — small businesses, first-time homebuyers, community projects. It makes sense because money is one of the actual levers, and you vote with where you keep yours every single day whether you think about it or not. There’s no post about it. It’s not glamorous. But it works in ways that actually compound over time — which is more than I can say for most things on this list.

Does donating actually help?

Donating to organizations doing the real work falls somewhere between feel-good and effective — and it depends entirely on the organization.

Five dollars to a massive national nonprofit that spends 40% on fundraising is less effective than five dollars to a scrappy local legal aid org that puts it directly into cases. Research the org. I’d rather give twenty dollars to something that deploys it well than a hundred dollars to something with a great logo and a murky 990. Charity Navigator is free and takes about five minutes to use.

Volunteering your specific skills is almost always more effective than general volunteering — and this is where I think a lot of people leave real value on the table. If you can write, write for an org. If you’re a lawyer, do pro bono hours. If you build websites, build one for the local food bank still running on a 2009 WordPress theme. Generic “I want to help” energy is wonderful but hard to deploy. Specific skills get used immediately. In my ongoing spiral about where time actually goes, this was the piece I kept coming back to — that the most useful thing you can offer isn’t always your enthusiasm. Sometimes it’s just your Tuesday afternoon and a specific thing you happen to know how to do.

So what’s the actual move?

Pick one real thing this week. Just one. Call your senator. Show up to one local meeting. Move your checking account. Volunteer your specific skill for two hours.

You don’t have to do everything. You have to do something that actually does something — and the difference matters not because the feel-good stuff is bad, but because if feel-good is all you’re doing, you’re going to burn out without having moved anything. And that would be a waste of a perfectly good, angry, engaged person.

This isn’t about your activism being wrong. It’s about auditing your own efforts every once in a while — asking yourself — if everyone I know did exactly what I just did, would anything change? If the answer is no, maybe redirect that energy somewhere it actually lands.

The feel-good stuff isn’t evil. Sometimes you need the political bubble bath. But it should be the dessert, not the whole meal. And when everything feels completely useless and you don’t know where to start, that map matters — the difference between resistance that moves something and resistance that just moves your feelings.

One real action beats ten symbolic ones every single time. The local meeting. The phone call. The redirected bank account. The two hours of your actual skill set.

Thoughts and prayers are lovely. But they are not a plan.

That’s the version of resistance that doesn’t leave you feeling used by your own good intentions — and honestly, you deserve better than that.

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