19 Hilarious Harry Potter Quotes More Magical Than Laughing Potion

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What does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebook? Because he only has followers, not friends.

If you rate that joke a 9 ¾ out of 10, you can count yourself as a dedicated Harry Potter fan. And as a dedicated Potter fan, chances are you’ve read many inspiring Harry Potter quotes, such as, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

But, while there are many wise Harry Potter quotes, many of our favorite Harry Potter memories are filled with laughter. I mean, who can hold back a smile when thinking of Ron’s face when he drove his Dad’s car into the Hogwarts Whomping Willow?

These 19 hilarious Harry Potter quotes show J.K. Rowling was more than an inspiring, heartfelt writer… she was damn funny, too!

19 Hilarious Harry Potter Quotes More Magical Than Laughing Potion

1. “I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.”

2. “He can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.”

3. “Don’t put your wand there, boy! … Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know.”

4. “Why, dear boy, we don’t send wizards to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts.”

5. “Percy wouldn’t notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby’s hats.”

6. “Ron’s old Shooting Star was often outstripped by passing butterflies.”

7. “You’d think people had better things to gossip about,” said Ginny as she sat on the common room floor, leaning against Harry’s legs and reading the Daily Prophet. “Three Dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it’s true you’ve got a Hippogriff tattooed across your chest.”
Ron and Hermione both roared with laughter. Harry ignored them.
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her it’s a Hungarian Horntail,” said Ginny, turning a page of the newspaper idly. “Much more macho.”
“Thanks,” said Harry, grinning. “And what did you tell her Ron’s got?”
“A Pygmy Puff, but I didn’t say where.”

8. “Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that’s gripping the nation!”

9. “Your sons flew that car to Harry’s house and back last night! … What have you got to say about that, eh?”
“Did you really…Did it go all right? I – I mean… that – that was very wrong, boys – very wrong indeed…”

10. “Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!”

11. “Wild! I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again… and again… and again…”

12. “The idea of a teenage Dumbledore was simply odd, like trying to imagine a stupid Hermione or a friendly Blast-Ended Skrewt.”

13. “Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.”

14. “I’m never wearing them,” Ron was saying stubbornly. “Never.”
“Fine,” snapped Mrs. Weasley. “Go naked. And, Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a laugh.”

15. “Gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I’ve heard you’ve bin givin’ out signed photos. How come I haven’t got one?”

16. “Listening to the news! Again?”
“Well, it changes every day, you see,” said Harry.

17. “This is night, Diddykins. That’s what we call it when it goes all dark like this.”

18. “Just then Neville caused a slight diversion by turning into a large canary.”

19. “I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it [homework] in.”

These quotes do more than make us laugh. They remind us what a magical world full of love, friendship and laughter that J.K. Rowling created for us. While the stories of Harry Potter teach us many lessons, more than anything, they show us we can create a magical universe for ourselves. Or instead of saying ‘create’, perhaps I should say ‘craft’…

Hey, I love Harry Potter Crafts so much that I wrote a book about them! My book, THE UNOFFICIAL GUIDE TO CRAFTING THE WORLD OF HARRY POTTER IS AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY IT.

The Unofficial Guide to Crafting the World of Harry Potter: 30 Magical Crafts for Witches and Wizards from Pencil Wands to House Colors Tie-Dye Shirts

The Unofficial Guide To Crafting The World Of Harry Potter By Jamie Harrington

This book is full of charming Harry Potter crafts even Muggles can make!

You won’t need alchemy or a magic wand to make these magical projects inspired by the world of Harry Potter. With a little Hogwarts creativity and the step-by-step guidance of this spellbinding book, you’ll be able to transfigurate simple supplies and things around the house into everything from Remembrall Rings to Butterbeer Lip Balm to Nargles for your front lawn.

You’ll be as busy as Mrs. Weasley knitting her Christmas sweaters as you dive into dozens of Potterific projects. Relive the excitement of Harry’s adventures with these genius crafts. Drop some homemade Pgymy Puff Bath Fizzies into the tub and pretend you’re Moaning Myrtle. Keep memories of the Quidditch pitch close with your very own Golden Snitch Necklace. Or show off the Sorting Hat’s selection with a House Colors Tie-Dye Shirt.

Accio, crafting supplies–it’s time for some wonderful wizardly fun!

Want to buy the book? Click here!

And don’t worry the crafts in my book are totally different than the list below, so you will have TONS of HP craft-tastic goodies!


Thank you to Tom Chanter for submitting these hilarious Harry Potter quotes!


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    1. These quotes are so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing! I’m a huge Harry Potter fan so these just made my day!