I’m relieved, I’m scared, guilty, satisfied, and so many other emotions about it that I don’t really know where to look next.
So, kevin- my soon to be ex-husband, plead guilty on Friday and is doing sixty days jail time along with supervised probation for the next four years.
There’s a lot of dropped balls I need to try and pick up. I know some of them will stay dropped forever, but when you lose all executive function in a trauma, it just sort of— doesn’t work anymore.
I think that’s one of the harder parts of all this. I’m a champ in a tragedy. I’m the person they call with the level head.
But this time? This tragedy was too much for my brain to handle and it just shut down. Which, I do like that I understand now what that feels like when it happens to other people, I just wish there had been another way to feel it.
My issue is this… I can’t figure out what’s next because I never planned to make it this far. I never planned to make it out of this marriage alive.
How do you plan for the rest of your life when you were absolutely sure it wouldn’t happen.
What is next? Next is I have to get that executive dysfunction thing under control and start doing some major adulting.
That’s step one. Baby steps. Into adulting. Heh.
