I Tried A Diva Cup And Now I Hate Life

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Okay, let me start off by saying that I love the idea of using a Diva Cup. No tampons to fuss with, no scary toxic shock syndrome, less of an environmental impact; plus you save money. But- it’s easier said than done. Gird your loins, because we’re about to get messy. This is my Diva Cup experience…

menstruation cup

For those of you who don’t know what a Diva Cup is, it’s a silicone cup that is used to catch menstrual blood in place of a cotton tampon. It uses suction to stay in place, and when you’re ready, you remove it and pour the blood down the toilet, rinse it off, and reinsert. Seems simple, right? I got my diva cup as a gift from an environmentally conscious friend who knew I wanted to try one. I knew there was a learning curve to using a product like this, but I figured it would be worth it in the end. Well; the jury is still out on that one.

So, I’ll spare you the details of insertion, since there was nothing really noteworthy about that, other than a slightly uncomfortable feeling that went away as my body got used to it’s presence, and getting a little more personal with my lady bits than I am used to having to do. I will say I enjoy going to bed knowing that I don’t need to worry about TSS or leaking. Everything was as promised when I woke up, but removing this thing was no easy feat…

It started like this… I’m sitting on the toilet and start feeling for the stem of this thing, and I can feel it, but I cant grip it. If I can’t even grip the stem, how am I going to pinch the bottom of this thing to release the suction? So after much fishing around, I still can’t get it.  Okkaaayyyyyy…so now what?

I try lifting up one leg. Still can’t get it. In my head I am already imagining a frantic call to my friend and/or boyfriend begging  for help in extricating this thing from my vageen. I lean left. I lean right. Jump up and down a little. No luck.

For a few minutes I sit there, completely stumped as to what I should do. Maybe squatting would work? But isn’t having to take off your pants entirely a little bit ridiculous? Is there a YouTube tutorial for this? No wait, I don’t want to see a YouTube tutorial for this. Are my fingers ridiculously short? How many fingers should I be using? It’s not a hotel lobby in there. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

So, now that I’ve been in the bathroom for entirely too long- I’m finally ready to get down to business. I ditch the pants, climb into the tub, and assume the position. I’m already thinking about how I’m going to need to bleach the ever loving shit out of this tub, and start fishing around for this mother-effer.

Okay, it’s a little more accessible from this position, but still eluding me. I start calling upon every childbirth technique I know, and bearing down like my life depends on it. The Rocky song is playing in my head. In the movie of my life, this part would be a motivational and inspiring montage.

This is pretty much the grossest thing that has ever happened in this bathtub, and my kid has pooped in here several times.

I can’t believe I still haven’t gotten it out. This is ridiculous. I’ve got shit to do today. So I push. HARD. I’m not sure how many fingers I had to use to get a handle on it, but I can tell your for sure I’ll never forget what happened next.

I start slowly pulling it out, thinking that I’ll daintily pour it out and be on my way. About halfway through removing it, I knew that wasn’t going to be an option. I can feel the pressure of the opening of the cup the closer I get to having it all the way out. It’s about to be a massacre in here. I know it.

I felt it pop open as it came out there was an audible splash.

my diva cup experience

It was everywhere. On my legs. On my feet. Pretty much up to my elbows (okay, that’s probably an exaggeration.). AND there was still some in the cup. It looked like a scene straight out of Carrie. I was entirely disgusted, but also impressed with all that my uterus had done while I was sleeping. Like, good uterusing, uterus.

I spend an unladylike amount of time considering taking a picture of it, sending it to my friend with the caption “LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE DONE.” but ultimately decided not to. Instead, I rinsed out the tub, scrubbed myself clean, put the diva cup away, and sent off these two text messages instead.

The first to my friend.

my diva cup experience

and the next to my boyfriend

my diva cup experience

So, I really want to love you, Diva Cup, but I fear you and I just aren’t meant to be. I’m going to try the smaller size before I relegate myself to using tampons forever, but like, I like my tub, and blood stains grout like a bitch. Know what I’m sayin’? I hope you understand.


Bitter and Bloodspattered.

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  1. I have no idea how old this post is but I can say with absolute certainty that you should try the Lena cup instead. It has a much longer stem with better grip rings, on the stem and on the bottom of the cup to help you grip it. Something I do to help ease it in is I take this water-based lube and dab it on the exterior and that helps to get it in and do the little twist to secure it in place. After that, I’m good to go for the next 10-12 hours. Now I’m probably biased since the Lena cup is the only one I’ve tried but I read that it’s also the best cup for beginners and it has 2 sizes. There’s a version you can buy of the Lena cup that’s a 2 pack with the small and large versions in the package, so you can figure out which size would work best for you.

  2. Oh my god this was hilarious and I related so much! Thank you for making me feel less alone on this wtf is wrong with me diva cup journey. I feel like this thing is going to give me hemroids with the amount to bearing down it takes to get it out!

  3. I’m silently screeching to myself in my room with no support with this whole diva cup experience, and I’m not sharing any of this with my brother or dad any time soon. But I just tried inserting this fricken blood sucker. It went in eventually, but also painfully. It’s in, but IT STILL HURTS. I’m throwing a hissy fit and lying on my bed trying not to move in a wrong way, or the tender walls of my lady parts will be crying about it. AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT SEEMS TO HAVE A VAGINA THE SIZE OF A… WELL, JUST A SMALL PATHETIC VAGINA?
    This is my second cycle using ’em. Sure, takes a while to get used too but does it hurt everytime? And when taking it out oh boy I try to relax but no, that hurts too. I want to love my hurty cup but it’s just a pain in the vag and I’m reading all about these “oh yes smooth sailing on the crimson wave” comments but heck. I’ve never been this frustrated before.

  4. Awww, dude. That sounds like a horrific experience. I’m not gonna lie, my first few times using a menstrual cup were pretty easy (apart from the first time trying to remove it, I definitely had to youtube that!).

    But then in my last cycle, I was at work, and it just went everywhere! My hands were sticky and trying to pull out more toilet paper, but it’s that thin stuff that breaks apart in strings, and it was a major disaster!

    Now I make sure I have a wad of clean paper in my hand before attempting to remove the thing!! Still better for the environment than the crazy amounts of pads and tampons we use.

  5. Hey, so I tried a cup for 6 months! I had the smallest size possible because the larger ones would not fit…
    However even with the smallest size, I would leak. I always checked if everything popped out, and it was. I had no problem putting it in or getting it out though. I did all this in the shower.

    But it just didn’t work out for me. I was always leaking and I got pretty annoyed with it.
    Tampons are such a breeze. Cups are not for everyone and I know that tampons are not good for the environment but it works out a lot better for me.

    Pads are an absolute no-go for me.

  6. The first time I tried to get my diva cup out, I accidentally let go, so it suctioned to my insides again before I panicked (because like you it was taking forever to just grasp the damn thing and I wasn’t about to lose it up there for what felt like the millionth time) and ripped the damn thing out (still suctioned to my insides and all) -OUCH!!!! You definitely need to do your research when using one & I am also finding size does matte. I use the smaller one for the beginning and then move to the bigger one near the end of my period, works a lot better for myself personally. I would never go back to tampons or pads ever tho, I love my Diva Cup & I am happy I decided to give it a few more tries before totally deserting the idea, even after my unfortunate suctioning experience.

  7. Ummmm…for real, they can be pretty hard to get out sometimes, especially after sleeping when they creep up there in your vaginal canal. I’ve been there, and felt like I wanted to die too.

  8. Sorry you had such a horrible experience. The diva cup is not for everyone. When you first start using it you just have to give it a little bit of time to get used to it. It took me two periods to get the process down. I used the diva cup for almost 10 years and it was the best thing, I saved so much money, I didn’t have to worry about changing my tampon all day or leaking at night time I absolutely loved it.
    Two tips 1. Change it when you’re supposed to so it’s not filled to the top, then it won’t leak when you take it out. 2. If your fingers are wet or slippery it’s gonna be hard for you to grasp the little stem.
    Patience is key, some things you have to try a couple times before getting it right. Don’t get discouraged, try again, all good things take a little work.

  9. Hilarious! I tried one once and had to go to the doctor to get it removed finally. Could NOT get it out. Needless to say, I did not use one again. I still cross my legs and wince just thinking about it.

  10. I’m there have been reports of tss using cups. There are also reports of people getting tss from all kinds of stuff the incidents are very rare? Not everyone can use a cup, I have two vaginas and two cervix… 2 tampons are enough for me

  11. I’m a little saddened that so many women are still so grossed out by their own bodies. Menstrual flow more disgusting than poop?!? No.
    I love my Diva cup, there is a learning curve but it beats the hell out of tampons or pads. Don’t be dissuaded from trying it.

  12. The thing is… people seem to clean them out in the sink. The sink(?) Is this the same sink we all brush our teeth in and stuff? ?

  13. Hi, I’ve seen those things on a shopping site & I was gobsmacked. My first thought was, it just looked like something out of the dark ages, along with chastity belts. I am at the stage of life that I don’t have to worry about that anymore, BUT NO WAY wld I ever ever even consider using one. Mainly for all these reasons you stated, I’m glad that I finally heard from someone whose has tried it. To me it’s a no brainer, I think that time of the month & sometimes negotiating your schedule around being in close proximity to a toilet, is hard enough, so I think that using tampons which is making your life easier, is completely OK! & you shldnt beat yourself up about it. Much more civilised! Ida.

  14. This article sponsored by makers of Tampax Pearl, much?
    It amazes me how many women out there who are so uncomfortable with their bodies.
    This message is from a 5 year user of a different cup. Love mine and probably bought 5 more for my family.

  15. Hey I think you’re doing it wrong! I’ve had a menstrual cup for nearly 20 years (the first one was made out of rubber and perished after about 5 years) and I love it.

    You can practice getting it in and out when you’re not on your period – it’s perfectly safe to do this.

    My trick is to bear down from the front (as though you’re doing a number 1, not a number 2) and then press the side with a finger or thumb until you feel the seal give. There’s no point tugging away at it if the vacuum seal is still in place. I do this all whilst hovering over the loo so I can just tip it straight down, rinse the cup off in the sink (if I’m out and about I use wetted toilet paper to wipe it down) and then re-insert. BTW, it’s a lot easier to insert if the cup’s wet.

    If you can feel the base of the cup you probably need to push it up a bit. I think the little tab should be cut off as soon as you’re comfortable with getting the cup in and out as it’s just annoying.

    I change mine twice a day (once in the morning and once in the evening) – maybe once more on the first day and I often forget that I’m wearing it at all. The only time I’ve ever had leakage is if I’m bleeding really heavily and haven’t changed it often enough. The other time was when my body changed and I fixed that by getting the larger cup.

    you’ve got to have another go at this as, once you get it, you’ll never want to go back to pads/tampons. And please, give us an update

  16. So, I’m getting on the comment train a little late, but I had the EXACT same problem with mine, and I figured out a slightly different technique for getting it out that worked. Spoiler alert: very explicit details ahead. Same thing, the cup was far enough up there that, although I could feel it with my index or middle finger, I couldn’t get a grip with my index and thumb, and those are the only two fingers strong enough to break the suction for me. Like you said, it’s not a hotel lobby in there, so I’ve got about two fingers worth of room to work with. You know those little ridges on the stem and the bottom of the cup? I’d have been up the creek without a paddle if not for them. After struggling for long enough that I was almost late to work, I got my index finger above one of those ridges on the cup, then pushed the bottom of the cup sideways until it ran into the wall of my hoo-ha. Then I was able to pull it out with just the one finger pinning it so that the suction didn’t take it right back up where it started, and eventually it was close enough I could get a good grip.

    Knowing that should work if I get in a similar situation, I think it’s going to work for me. I definitely had to trim the stem a bit, and I also have to push in the top of the cup just before I pull it out to break the seal and avoid crime scene-esque situations, but I think all in all it’ll work.

    Hope that helps!

  17. I just laughed so hard the neighbor just came by to investigate the screaming. I needed this, thanks.

  18. This made me laugh so hard I had to run to the bathroom. To be fair, I am pregnant and I have to go more frequently but this just about killed me!????

  19. No waaaay! They’re amazing – and so much cheaper than tampons – perhaps it was in too far… Don’t give up so easily! My period is now 2 days shorter and I no longer suffer from menstrual cramps the way I did using tampons.I wish I’d found out about menstrual cups years earlier.

  20. I LOVE my diva cup. I hate tampons (they make my cramps worse) and I built up an allergy to pads (woooorst). It took a couple cycles to get the cup to not leak a little but now I leave that sucker in for HOURS and take it out no problemo. Hopefully the smaller size is easier for you!

  21. “Good uterusing, uterus.”

    There should be a Pulitzer category for lines that literally make you spit out your morning coffee all over your nice clean shirt, grossing out your partner and rather ironically emulating the subject of your article (in a PG-13, non-horrifying this-won’t-scar-you-for-life fashion). Absolutely loved it.

  22. Just insert the middle finger all the way up and fold the upper edge for goodness sake!

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