Yesterday, I wrote about how it felt like my brain finally broke. I couldn’t make decisions. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t trust my own thoughts.
And today? It’s still happening. But now, it feels different—like my brain isn’t broken, but just… disconnected.
I keep calling it mental fog, but it’s more than that. It’s like I’m here, but not really here. Like my thoughts are happening somewhere else, just barely out of reach.
I can sit in a moment, but I’m not processing it. I can watch a movie, but I couldn’t tell you what it was about. I can put on an outfit, but I don’t know if it looks cute because I can’t even trust my own judgment. I can think of a plan, but the second I try to act on it, I start questioning everything—am I making the right choice? Am I manipulating people without realizing it? Should I just… not?
It’s like my brain is buffering. I start a thought, and before I can finish it, I’m onto the next, and the next, and the next, and none of them feel real.
I don’t know if this is anxiety, ADHD, stress, burnout, or something else. I don’t know if it’s just decision fatigue or if my brain has actually hit some kind of wall. I don’t know if I need to push through it or just sit with it and let it pass.
What I do know is that I feel disconnected from myself.
And that’s terrifying.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to fix it. I’ve cleaned my house, I got dressed, I’ve done little things to help me feel more present. But I still feel like I’m watching my own life from a distance.
Maybe the fix isn’t doing more. Maybe it’s trusting myself again. Trusting that my thoughts aren’t all wrong. Trusting that I can make a decision without overthinking it. Trusting that I can exist without analyzing every move.
Because right now, it’s not my brain that’s broken. It’s my connection to myself that needs fixing.
Right now all I know is that writing feels right. Even if it doesn’t make sense, it’s somehow making everything make sense.
