Lately I’ve been thinking about this last year. Everything that has gone down, and honestly a lot of the people I’ve met along on the way to finding my happiness (that I am still searching for, by the way… don’t think this is the end of my healing journey— it’s more like the very very beginning), and just the general zaniness that goes with being in your mid-forties and suddenly finding yourself single for the first time in 20+ years.
Zany. I like that word.
Anyway, I have to tell you about this flash in the pan of a boyfriend I had for a hot minute earlier this year, because the only way I can make sense of everything that goes on in my life is to write about it.
You know how people sometimes come into your life for a specific purpose? I mean not to be too center-of-the-universe here, but I think that’s kind of how it works… you need them, they need you, for whatever reason, it works.
But this isn’t a relationship that lasts forever. This one was doomed from the beginning, because he had three kids under the age of twelve, and that’s a whole lot of momming left to be done and I like wandering aimlessly– and moms of littles just don’t have the chance to do that much.
Anyway, what I have been trying to understand is how something can feel so good, then suddenly so very wrong. That’s the thing with my marriage, too… I know that it felt good at some point, it had to have, right? But I can’t remember it ever being something I wasn’t putting on a facade for with the world, and I don’t want to do that ever again.
So I am pretty sure that the purpose of this whole interaction for the both of us was a little karma, to remind us exactly what we didn’t want, and to keep us from accidentally ending up with it again. Because those karmic circles are rough.
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If I am being so real, I love karma. Because it always puts me in my place, but it does that for everyone. It just feels so— neutral. And there’s something about neutrality and trying to achieve it as balance. IDK, maybe that’s the whole ass point of being a libra, right? Because like all we want is balance at all times. IDK I think I could honestly attribute that to my adhd more than anything if I am being so real.
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Anyway, what’s the point.. I think the point is that sometimes we need to start looking at relationships as a part of that time in our life. Especially those that we know aren’t the ones we are going to spend the rest of our lives with. It’s okay to fall for something or someone that isn’t totally right for you, and it’s a great thing to have a crush on someone that’s not forever, because not all love is for eternity, and when we start looking at it like that… that’s when the stories get interesting.
