Things I Swore I’d Never Do With My Baby

Let’s be honest, here. I’m new to this whole being a baby-momma and I had a preconceived notion (gasp!) about how I would be as a parent to my precious bundle of joy. It seems though I was wrong on every count of these Things I Swore I’d Never Do With My Baby.

Yeah, I thought I was going to be this highly-rational, perfect mom. And as my daughter grew-up, I’d totally be ready to move to being the Cool Mom (I still hold onto this hope!). But, given that the practical world stepped-in and cruelly slapped me upside the head, I have re-assessed my ability to be that rational mom I thought I’d be…

1. I will never, ever give her soda. Right, so as she screamed in my ear (every time, I swear!) as I took a big ‘ole swig of Dr. Pepper or Fanta, I finally caved…all she wanted was a sip…oh, maybe not…oops.

2. French fries?! Not my baby! And no chips, either! So, I suggest you see item #1. I am so an easy pushover.

3. Baby, it’s cold-you need a hat. Just like my hats, baby’s hats are often hidden in the deepest crevasses of the house. For some reason, that’s where they belong and they just gravitate toward those lost-laundry-locations…So, although I can put a coat on baby-girl, I cannot ever find a hat.

4. Don’t you need a clean outfit now that a spec of food got on you? The baby needs clean clothes. ALL THE TIME. I can’t keep the child clean. It’s like asking Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown to be constantly clean…she’s just a messy-baby. And since I can’t keep up, I often give up. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t run the wash 24/7, nor can I afford 900 onsies.

5. The 5-second rule will NOT apply to my baby. Um, I’d like to say that food that touched the floor never, ever then passed my child’s lips. I really would. But, in all honesty, sometimes, she even takes the half-chewed food out of her mouth, places it on the floor, then puts it back in her mouth and finishes up. It’s like a dipping-sauce, the floor is. Ewww.

6. Entertain my baby with a TV-think again! Oh, I tried. I did. But the temptation is there…a big, giant TV and a remote that she, even at 1-year, can operate. Yes, she has spent time in front of the boob-tube, sorry.

7. I’m going to make my own baby-food and NEVER buy…I thought I’d be all industrious and make every drop of food that went in her mouth, from breastfeeding to baby-food, then on to big-people munchies. But no…even the breastfeeding was a bit of a flop. We bought formula often. Which flowed into those cute little jars of food. I made her baby food precisely one time. Can anyone say “fail”?

8. I will never lose my patience. This is one that I really thought I’d stick to my guns on, but managed to mess-up within like a week. I had no idea how hard parenting a baby was. And add to it the 12-year old hollering in the background about his needs…I have stopped and cried. I have begged the baby to just be still while changing her diaper in an irrationally high-pitched voice. I have lost my patience and given-up on getting her into those too-cute-shoes…it happens.

9. She will not sleep in my bed-its just not safe! I don’t claim to be happy about this, but my daughter has slept in the bed with me since she was about a month old. She had a severe dairy-intolerance that made her stomach cramp every time she ate (which is apparently often in new babies-who knew?!) and she was only able to sleep when she had pressure on her tummy. I was so afraid of SIDS that I had her sleep on my tummy so I could feel her breathing. It was tough. And then, even after she was diagnosed and we got her all taken care-of, she’d developed a habit and now we have hours and hours of screaming if we try to put her in a crib…I’m not proud of this one, but it’s my reality…

10. She can have a bottle until she’s 3 if she wants…Remember that tummy-problem she had…well, to solve it, we had to buy a special formula that you can only get online and you have to sell your soul for. It was more expensive than my car payment when she was only 8 months. I couldn’t imagine going for too much longer with that cost. Then, one day, she didn’t ask for the bottle…and didn’t really seem like she needed it. So we just put them away, and she never got one again…that was at 9 months…

Yeah, so maybe I’m not the mom I thought I’d be. But I am a good mom (ok, ok, I’m pretty great), because I love my little girl and I am doing what matters-keeping her safe, happy and loved.