Things We Do To Drive Ourselves Crazy Archives

I Put Off Intimacy With My Husband After Pregnancy Because I Was Ashamed Of My Body

Over and over I've seen other moms talk about their stretch marks as 'tiger stripes', 'warrior scars', 'hope wounds', but I hated mine. And the worst part was I couldn't tell anyone how much I hated them. I remember starting the conversation with a friend of mine. "I had the baby and now my skin is all stretched out of shape..." She called it glorious. Said that we should embrace our bodies and be so happy with what we've accomplished. I carried a baby for a little over nine months, I'm proud of that. But the way my body looks now? Here's the truth...and it's something we mommies don't want to Keep Reading >>>

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How To Know If You’re Doing An ‘Okay’ Job As A Parent

Heavy Handed Advice

Tonight my daughter told me she hated me. She screamed it, in fact, before flipping her hair and marching upstairs to her bedroom. The door slammed and while part of me wanted to run after her and talk to her, I knew the best thing would be to give her time to cool down. My daughter is twelve. She came to me this afternoon and asked if she could go to the mall with her new friend (just moved in down the street), and I told her no. See, I don't know her new friend's parents. We've met in passing, but never really talked. And while I realize twelve is almost old enough to hang out at the mall Keep Reading >>>

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We Need To Take Better Care Of Our Fellow Moms

Heavy Handed Advice

We all know the things we say matter, but sometimes in the heat of it we say some things that are hard to take back. Today I was at the grocery store when I heard a fed-up mother yell at her kids to, "Shut the h*ll up." I get it. We've all been frustrated and just lost our cool. And I don't blame this mama for losing hers. The store was hot. Like, Texas in the middle of summer and not enough A/C hot. And she had three kids under ten and a completely full grocery cart. Plus, the kids were loud. They were going bananas and from the place mama was at in the store, I'm guessing she was only about Keep Reading >>>

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Know Those Gross Moms Who Suck The Pacifier Before Popping It Back In? Turns Out Their Kids Are Healthier!

Heavy Handed Advice

We've all seen her: the frazzled mom who has too much going on and is pushing a baby in a stroller and has no hands left for anything. Then, the baby spits out the pacifier. What does mom do? Picks it up, pops it into her own mouth, and gives it back to baby. So. Gross. What is wrong with that mom? Doesn't she know she's got a billion germs in her mouth and she just gave all billion of them to her precious little bundle of joy? Well, turns out that's not actually a bad thing. Yes she just stuck a germy pacifier in her little one's gob, but that little one's immune system is about to kick in Keep Reading >>>

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I Can Pull My Butt Up Like Panties, And Other Unexpected Joys Of Weight Loss Surgery

Heavy Handed Advice

I have always been curvy and well endowed gal: a habitual "yo-yo dieter''/fad dieter. I always felt bigger than I was when I was younger. Never a size 6, always around 10...and in school that was huge in my mind. I realize that I was usually the only one that it bothered. If I'd known then that one day I'd be able to pull my butt up like a pair of panties, I'd have probably tried to love myself more. I Can Pull My Butt Up Like Panties, And Other Unexpected Joys Of Weight Loss Surgery I didn't really begin to put some weight on until I was 17 and was put on birth control. This is what I Keep Reading >>>

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There Are Not Enough Hours In The Day For This Stay-At-Home Dad

Heavy Handed Advice

If you’re a stay-at-home mom, I’m probably not going to tell you anything new, but being a stay-at-home mom can suck. Don’t get wrong, tending to home and family is rewarding both emotionally and spiritually. Plus, you get to binge watch GLOW while you Pledge the china cabinet. But there is a lot more that goes on in a day than your working spouse even realizes. How do I know this? Because I used to be the working spouse, before I became the stay-at-home dad. There Are Not Enough Hours In The Day For This Stay-At-Home Dad When I came home from a long day at the office, I would find my Keep Reading >>>

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Breast Is Not Always Best, And We Need To Stop Telling Women That It Is!

Heavy Handed Advice

Breast is best. Almost from the moment you see those beautiful double lines, you start hearing that mantra. And you've seen research. Listened to friends. Had plenty of doctors tell you the same. Offices have lactation rooms. Breastfeeding is legal in literally every single public space in America. So why would so many people go through so much effort to educate you on the benefits of breastfeeding if it truly wasn't the best option? And what about formula? Is it even safe to give babies formula? Why would any good mom give her child chemicals when breast is best? Think baby formula is poison? Keep Reading >>>

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5 Things To Teach Children About Judging Books (And People) By Their Covers

Heavy Handed Advice

We've always been told to 'never judge a book by it's cover'. Covers can be elaborate, plain, some are so beautiful and some are completely unattractive to the readers eye. Some have very little color, but it's what's in the book that matters. Even the most attractive cover can be the worst read and the plainest of covers can be one of the most intense books you've ever picked up. Choosing to read a book based on it's cover or turning it away because of it, can cause you to miss out on something really wonderful, or you could wish you would have never read it at all because you based it on the Keep Reading >>>

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8 Things Only Moms With Anxiety Truly Understand

Heavy Handed Advice

It's like a daily issue where something, and I mean SOMETHING goes weird. Us moms just seem to have those moments where we can't find our keys just magically find them in the refrigerator or we can't remember if we turned off our curling iron before we left home. And those moments cause so much anxiety. It's hard enough being a mom, but when you put anxiety on top of that? Brutal. Here's a few more things that get my anxiety flared up, maybe you can relate! 8 Things Only Moms With Anxiety Truly Understand 1. The Faulty Alarm. Okay, so maybe it was human error but at any rate there is Keep Reading >>>

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10 Ways To Avoid Being A Bull In A China Shop

Heavy Handed Advice

When I was 12, if anyone had called me "Grace", it would have been entirely ironic. I was as klutzy as a newborn giraffe and literally broke every single thing I touched. I never got better. Over the years, I have come to terms with my personal lack of coordination, but there are certain things I always have to avoid because otherwise things will be broken. Here are 10 ways to avoid being a bull in a China shop! 10 Ways To Avoid Being A Bull In A China Shop 1. Stay away from any type of glass, especially if it's not yours: My rule of thumb is to keep my hands to myself when it comes to Keep Reading >>>

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5 Things I Say To Myself All The Time (And What I’m Going To Start Saying Instead)

Heavy Handed Advice

I am the queen of negative self talk. I can find things about myself and talk myself into a feeling of self pity in less than two seconds. I could list a plethora of things I say to myself all the time, but I'm going to stick to five of the main ones. Here are 5 things I say to myself all the time (and what I'm going to start saying instead). 5 Things I Say To Myself All The Time (And What I'm Going To Start Saying Instead) 1. "Droopy Dog" - One of my many self negative talks involves my overly-exaggerated smile lines. They are there whether I'm smiling or not. I see myself as Droopy Dog Keep Reading >>>

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10 Chick Flicks To Watch When Your Uterus Is Being A Little Bitch

Heavy Handed Advice

Look, if you're female and have a uterus that still does it's monthly molting, you've been here. There's just nothing worse than being a tough-ass woman 90% of the time, and then having those one or two days a month where you're tearful for no flecking reason and then "IT" starts. Yeah. We've ALL been there. And sometimes when you're there, you just have to cry your way through it. It is what it is. So here are some chick flicks to watch on those days when your uterus is being a little bitch. 10 Chick Flicks To Watch When Your Uterus Is Being A Little Bitch 1. The Notebook: Get a box of Keep Reading >>>

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How To Check If Your Baby Is Breathing WITHOUT Waking Her Up

Heavy Handed Advice

Babies breathe weird. Sometimes it is literally impossible to tell if they’re breathing at all. I, like most moms, have experienced that momentary freak out in the middle of the night while my face is shoved straight into baby’s bassinet to find out if she’s alive. Sometimes, when she takes a nap during the day, I stare at her trying to figure out if she stopped crying because she fell asleep or if she somehow managed to kill herself with her pacifier. So here are a few simple steps to help parents check if their baby is breathing WITHOUT waking her up... How To Check If Your Baby Is Keep Reading >>>

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Imperfectly Perfect: How To Let Go Of Your ‘Ideal Self’ And Be A Happier Person Today!

Heavy Handed Advice

My whole life I have tried to be the perfect person. In second grade, I was the math whiz who only missed one question the entire year. In fourth grade, I was hated by the teacher, because I was so far ahead of her class, she had to find random things for me to do. In fifth grade, I was one of two people in my grade to be bussed to a gifted program once a week. In ninth grade, I made the cheerleading team, although hardly anyone knew me. I was a cheerleader two more years. As a senior, I was one of the student council officers. Fast forward a few years. I graduated with a degree in English Keep Reading >>>

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My Teens Don’t Need A Helicopter Mom Anymore, And I Feel Like I’ve Been Retired

Heavy Handed Advice

How do you let go? How do you know when you're kids are ready for more responsibility and how do you become ok with it? Who really knew the ache and pride felt as your children grow. There is a part of me that feels so me embarrassment in admitting that I've been a helicopter mom; wanting to protect my kids from everything I can. I mean everything. Which is like every other mom, but maybe not to the level I have. But now my kids are older and don't need me to hover anymore. What's a helicopter mom supposed to do when she retires? My Teens Don't Need A Helicopter Mom Anymore, And I Feel Keep Reading >>>

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I’m A Grown-Up, But I Don’t Feel Like One

Heavy Handed Advice

When I was a kid, my dad scared me shitless. Grown-ups might as well have been gods for all the unquestionable authority they held. Parents, teachers, cops, pastors, random strangers at the grocery store who felt it was okay to pat me on the head because I was so damn cute. Grown-ups looked like grown-ups. They dressed differently from kids. They talked differently. They held jobs and bought stuff and got to watch “R” rated movies. I couldn’t wait to be an adult and inherit their unlimited power. But here I am, 37 years old, and I’m still that scared kid. I'm a grown-up, but I don't feel Keep Reading >>>

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Stepchildren Are The Children Of Your Heart…

Heavy Handed Advice

If you are a stepparent then you can completely understand what I mean when I say that being a stepparent isn't something everyone can accomplish successfully. To be honest, I am not sure if I can even say that I am a successful stepmom, especially when I feel like I can always be better. In the last seven years, I have grown to love my stepdaughters just as much as I love my husband and that part was a breeze for me. They are wonderful girls, each their own person, and from the first moment I met them I liked them. At this point it's been seven years, and I can safely say that my Keep Reading >>>

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5 Things You’ll Hear If You’ve Got 5 Kids!

Heavy Handed Advice

This is always a funny topic to me to hop on. It always seems to shock people when I tell them that I am a mom of 5 and only 36 and my oldest is 17. I am told quite often that I don't look old enough to have that many kids... or that they think I'm some sort of super woman, having everything organized and put together ... UMMMM... Nope, not close. I tell them theres a lot of "winging it" and "going with the flow', also make up is an amazing thing! FOR REAL!!!! lol So here are 5 things I wish people would stop saying when they find out I have 5 kids. 5 Things I Wish People Would Stop Keep Reading >>>

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No, You Aren’t Perfect…But Should You Settle?

Heavy Handed Advice

To start with, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. Some people are into coffee. That's fine. I'm a late 30's divorced woman who can't have kids, has way too many animals, hates cleaning house, and is swimming in debt. Oh, and did I mention I'm a bbw? I get how not every guy is into me. I'm cool with that. Cooool. But apparently because I'm not perfect, my standards are too high. At least, according to some people. So let me just tell y'all about some of the 'gems' I turned down last year... Apparently My Dating Standards Are Too High... The Mama's Boy - This guy was nice. He'd had the Keep Reading >>>

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Taking A Trip? Don’t Forget To Pack Your Leggings!

Heavy Handed Advice

Mid-May my now husband and I eloped to Jamaica. I knew going in that I'd have some, shall we say, wardrobe struggles? You see, I wear leggings 99% of the time these days. I can dress them up, down, work out in them and not worry about my comfort, thigh chafing or being appropriately dressed. They're my every occasion solution. But, let's face it, majority of leggings are not tropical zone friendly. I'll never forget my mad dash in packing. I'd chosen 5 pairs of leggings and in eyeing the suitcase space remaining figured, what are the chances I'll even wear one of these? I took two pair Keep Reading >>>

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Ten Father’s Day Ideas That Won’t Break The Piggy Bank!

Heavy Handed Advice

I'm at a slight monetary disadvantage this year for the festivities normally heaped on daddies for this day of honor. I have to dust off my powers of creativity, and get down and dirty with inexpensive ideas for my father and my husband. Forget the cliche tie that's going to be thrown in a drawer and forgotten. I want to do something meaningful this year, something they'll look back on with fondness. Most importantly, it can't break the bank, the piggie bank that is, because that's all we can afford right now. Now, after sitting and pondering on my Father's Day dilemma, I've churned out ten Keep Reading >>>

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Summer Prep: How Sunblock Saved Me From The C-Word

Heavy Handed Advice

I'll never forget the day I sat in my doctor's office and he said that someday I would get skin cancer. Not might. Not maybe. Not it can happen. Would. Summer Prep: How Sunblock Saved Me From The C-Word I was in middle school and it was required to get a routine physical to participate in whatever activity I had on my plate. It should have been a painless in and out thing, but instead that became the day a new fear took root in my life. That I'd get skin cancer and die. Over twenty years have passed and adult me has some harsh words she'd like to say to that particular doctor. Keep Reading >>>

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It F*cking Sucks When You’re Sick And Your Child Is Sick At The Same Time

Heavy Handed Advice

I'm in my bed, in the middle of the afternoon, with my covers pulled over my head. My body is chilled from the inside out, and I can't stop coughing that barky, rough cough that just sounds painful. It feels like somebody is running a feather duster up and down my raw throat, choking me and tickling my throat simultaneously. I'm wallowing in sickness induced self pity, when there is a knock-knock-knock on the backdoor. You have GOT to be joking, I think to myself. Maybe if I lay here, pretending I didn't hear it, they'll go away. No such luck. Knock-knock-knock, I hear again at the back Keep Reading >>>

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Sometimes The Animal You Never Wanted Becomes The Companion You Always Needed

Heavy Handed Advice

Believe me when I say that I never thought the words "I own a hedgehog" would EVER come out of my mouth and I am still shocked. My husband has wanted one for years and when we went to visit my sister-in-law, to my surprise, she had two hedgehogs and the female was pregnant. I rejected the idea of a rodent in my house, especially when we already have four animals (all of which could kill it). The thing with my husband is he is the most stubborn human being alive and he no matter how many times you tell him "No", he will keep asking you. Eventually I was sick of hearing him beg and whine like a Keep Reading >>>

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Why I’m Afraid Of Donating Blood (And It’s Not Because Of The Needles!)

Heavy Handed Advice

The last time I stepped onto a blood donation bus, I thought I was going to have a panic attack. My heart was pounding. I started hyperventilating. My palms were sweating. I just couldn't go through with it. I gave the lady my forms, told her I had changed my mind and left. I felt so shaky it took me a couple minutes of sitting in my car to calm down. Donating blood freaks me out, and it's not because of the needles. Why I'm Afraid Of Donating Blood (And It's Not Because Of The Needles!) I used to give blood all the time, and it never bothered me. Needle pricks? No big deal. Blood? I'm Keep Reading >>>

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5 Weird Early Pregnancy Symptoms No One Tells You About (But Should!)

Heavy Handed Advice

We have two pregnant women in my family right now. One who's an old pro at this (baby #3) and one who is experiencing her first rodeo. The old pro is breezing through things as expected, and the newbie is asking some, well, prying questions. We love them both, but it turns out there were a lot of things from early pregnancy that we all forgot about and now that she's going through them, we're starting to remember...vividly. So here are 5 of the weird early pregnancy symptoms no one talks about...because if this is your first go-round, you probably think you're doing it wrong. 5 Weird Keep Reading >>>

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5 Ways Clutter Will Take Over Your Life!

Heavy Handed Advice

I am laying in my nice, cozy bed. My blankets are pulled up and over my ears like I prefer, and the house is quiet with sleep. Unfortunately, I drank about a gallon of iced tea before bed, so my bladder is calling in the most urgent way. I sit up, sleep still rolling off my body, ease the blankets off my cozy, warm legs, and prepare to make the dreaded midnight-walk to the bathroom. I turn my legs to dangle off the bed before I get up, unsteady from slumber. It's then I see it: there is so much clutter between me and the door, it's going to be hard to walk through it without tripping. The Keep Reading >>>

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About The Time My Eye Swelled So Badly I Looked Like Rocky Balboa

Heavy Handed Advice

I've been on a kick lately to take better care of my skin. I'm in my thirties, I've accepted that I'm aging, and there are things I can do to age more gracefully, shall we say. It's all fun and games until your eyes swell shut! Yup, I changed my facial routine and ended up looking like Rocky Balboa for a day... About The Time My Eye Swelled So Badly I Looked Like Rocky Balboa Top of the list has been to smear my face in all the skin care things. All of them! Spoiler, this is a really bad idea. The best practice is to introduce a new product and give that one product a two week Keep Reading >>>

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The Day My Bathroom Mirror Told A Different Story

Heavy Handed Advice

I look down at my hands splayed on the blue granite of the bathroom counter. This is the part of the day I hate the most. I don't want to face my reflection in the mirror. I know what I look like. I have memorized the fine lines and wrinkles that are starting to show my age. I can tell you the number of freckles that grace my face and due to years of fun in the summer sun. I hate the way I look. I do everything else to get myself ready for the day before I face the inevitable. I brush my teeth, brush the tangles out of my hair, lotion up my arms and legs, and even manage to dress without Keep Reading >>>

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5 Simple Rules To Make Exercise Fun

Heavy Handed Advice

Once, during my period, I Googled how I could get enough energy to exercise. The answer? Exercise. Thanks, Internet! Why don’t you come over here so I can kick you in the butt? You know, if I had the energy to lift my foot that high, which I don’t. My relationship with exercise has always been sporadic. I’ve tried jogging, biking, Pilates, aerobics, Convict Conditioning, Tai Chi, water aerobics, and more. Most of it was done at home and none of it stuck. The exercise routines that I stayed with longest were the ones I picked out myself. My husband has done a ton of research on Keep Reading >>>

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How To Be A Friend To Your Depressed Friend

Heavy Handed Advice

What do you do when you're in a funk? You know what I mean. That dark place you have to drag yourself from, sometimes kicking and screaming. That pit of discouragement where you just want to lie in a cool dark room with a blanket pulled over your head. That place where you just lie like a slug and binge watch crappy television shows, because you can't muster the energy to move off the couch (or sometimes even out of bed). Thing is, sometimes there's nothing you can do but wait it out. And sometimes that wait means you might lose friends. But if you're fortunate, like me, you've got friends who Keep Reading >>>

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5 Things I Wish My Family Understood About Mother’s Day

Heavy Handed Advice

It's so easy to just go through the routine. “Great, Mother’s Day is today,” my husband thinks. “Better stop by Walgreens and pick up something quick and easy.” He rushes in and out, hardly even noticing what he has grabbed. It was in the appropriate aisle, so it will do. The kids begrudgingly get out their construction paper and markers to hand make a card. They are forced, by Daddy, to stop watching their TV program and scribble something on paper. Afterall, it's what's expected. They grumble the entire time, not really caring that this day is to celebrate mommy. They just know they have to Keep Reading >>>

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