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I’m 40 And I Have No Idea WTF I Am Doing

I remember when I was in my twenties, all fresh faced and bright eyed, looking at the world like it was my bitch. I was going to rock all the things, and I knew it. I just didn’t know how to rock all the things or what I was going to do to make it happen.

That was okay though, because I was young and naive, and I was supposed to be that way. I was supposed to be just starting out in life and not have a clue what my plan was.

Now though? Now I am 41 years old and I am no closer to having things figured out than I was when I was 24.

At least that’s how it feels. On paper it doesn’t look that way at all. I have the family, the job, the house, etc. But it just doesn’t feel that way.

It feels like at any second I could just fail miserably and all the balls I have in the air could drop. I am like a really bad juggler who just happened to get her balls in sync.

If you asked me to do it all again, I don’t know that I could. I don’t know that I could get them flying synchronously from one hand to another.

But, like, I am okay with that. Why? Well, because I think I have figured out the big secret.

How do we know when we have things figured out?

The big secret actually that none of us have anything figured out.

I think maybe that is actually the thing I am supposed to learn in my forties. That we are all just hanging on to this whole life merry-go-round by the seat of our corduroys, hoping they don’t give out on us.

I guess what I am trying to say is, whatever age you are, 20, 40, 72– don’t worry if you don’t have things figured out. None of us do and that’s okay.

In fact, figuring out that you don’t have to have it all figured out… that’s the real prize here.

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