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You Can Press N Seal Your Kid, And Your Dog

Remember a few years ago when everyone was Press N Sealing the racks in their refrigerators to make cleaning up spills a breeze? Well, Vicki Suddaby just kicked that up a couple of notches and we haven’t been this excited since we found out we were using our chopsticks wrong. You Can Press N Seal …

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Talking to Teens about Their Body and Changes

Talking to teens about their body and changes isn’t always a simple topic, but it’s an important one. If you’re looking for ways to help ease into the conversation, these simple tips can help.  Being a teen isn’t easy. And what’s even more than that is that being a teen comes with a lot of …

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Can We Please Stop Celebrating When Kids Do Bad Things?

I’m sure by now you’ve heard the story about the six year using her mom’s finger print to buy $250 worth of Pokémon paraphernalia off Amazon, right? A little Christmas gift to herself shall we say. It’s been making the rounds on Facebook via blog posts from several of the go to guys, and she’s …

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“So You Just Have The One?”

One of the things I hate about social media is the number of people who try to co-parent my child without actually being in her life. I realize everyone means well, but just because your intentions are good doesn’t mean you’re not overstepping. My biggest issue? When people find out my daughter is a single-child. …

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5 Reasons To NOT Vaccinate Your Kids

People shouldn’t have to vaccinate their kids. In fact, parents absolutely know what’s best for their kids in every situation, which is why you’ve never heard of a mom calling a doctor at two AM because her child has a fever. Moms automatically know exactly what to do. They know better than anyone what their …

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I Never Expected Being A Stay-At-Home-Parent Would Be So Lonely…

Over the last few weeks I’ve become a mostly stay-at-home-dad. I’ve been working two, maybe three days a week while my wife is crushing it in her new, fancy accounting job. When my better half and I switched roles, I knew I’d keep busy. I’ve got rooms to clean, and endless stream of laundry to …

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How To Know If You’re Doing An ‘Okay’ Job As A Parent

Tonight my daughter told me she hated me. She screamed it, in fact, before flipping her hair and marching upstairs to her bedroom. The door slammed and while part of me wanted to run after her and talk to her, I knew the best thing would be to give her time to cool down. My …

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Halloween Was So Much More Fun When I Was A Kid

Am I the only one who has noticed the end of Halloween? When I was a kid, we’d all go out into the neighborhood, ON Halloween night, dressed in our hobo Indian princess pirate get-ups, knocking door to door and hoping we didn’t get kidnapped. Our food was either x-rayed by the local hospital (for …

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20 Tweets From Hilarious Parents

Baby keep you up all night? Toddler refuse to walk faster than a glacier? Sometimes the best way to survive is knowing someone else is out there being tortured too. Here are twenty stories from the parenting trenches guaranteed to keep you sane for at least five more minutes. 20 Tweets From Hilarious Parents The anti-theft system …

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Texas Mom Criticized For Shockingly Feeding Her Child Over 100-Slices Of Bread Per Month

An unnamed Texas woman is being criticized for feeding her daughter a shocking amount of bread each month – over 100 slices. She defends this strange diet saying, “My daughter is growing like a weed and her doctor thinks she’s healthy, so what’s wrong with that?” Before she started this diet, the woman says her …

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5 Strategies To Help Night Owl Moms Who Have Early Bird Kiddo’s

Some parents roll out of bed perky and ready to tackle the day. I am not one of those parents. Most mornings I roll out of bed squinty eyed, cursing at the alarm clock, and praying someday they invent a patch that infuses us with caffeine as we sleep. I, like many of us, was …

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I Don’t Always Know What My Kid Is Talking About, But I Will Always Listen

I remember long drives as a child that I would spend talking at my mother. Telling her stories. Jabbering away. Reading to her. I ran my mouth a lot. Now I’ve got my own (step) child and… Mom, if you read this, I’m so sorry. You were a great mom and now that I have …

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There Are Not Enough Hours In The Day For This Stay-At-Home Dad

If you’re a stay-at-home mom, I’m probably not going to tell you anything new, but being a stay-at-home mom can suck. Don’t get wrong, tending to home and family is rewarding both emotionally and spiritually. Plus, you get to binge watch GLOW while you Pledge the china cabinet. But there is a lot more that …

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Breast Is Not Always Best, And We Need To Stop Telling Women That It Is!

Breast is best. Almost from the moment you see those beautiful double lines, you start hearing that mantra. And you’ve seen research. Listened to friends. Had plenty of doctors tell you the same. Offices have lactation rooms. Breastfeeding is legal in literally every single public space in America. So why would so many people go …

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5 Great Pieces Of Advice My Childless Friends Have Given Me

As a parent, I get unsolicited advice all the time. My favorite advice comes from those who don’t even have children. They are usually very smug, and all-knowing about all things related to children. Here are a few of the best-of-the-best pieces of advice non-parents dish up, and what I WISH I could say to …

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8 Things Only Moms With Anxiety Truly Understand

It’s like a daily issue where something, and I mean SOMETHING goes weird. Us moms just seem to have those moments where we can’t find our keys just magically find them in the refrigerator or we can’t remember if we turned off our curling iron before we left home. And those moments cause so much …

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How To Check If Your Baby Is Breathing WITHOUT Waking Her Up

Babies breathe weird. Sometimes it is literally impossible to tell if they’re breathing at all. I, like most moms, have experienced that momentary freak out in the middle of the night while my face is shoved straight into baby’s bassinet to find out if she’s alive. Sometimes, when she takes a nap during the day, …

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What To Tell Your Kids About The Suicide Texting Guilty Verdict

Words matter. That’s the big takeaway from the Michelle Carter conviction. While we parents were busy worrying about whether our children should watch 13 REASONS WHY, a series based off of a popular young adult book written by Jay Asher, the real life case of a young woman who convinced her boyfriend to commit suicide …

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Stepchildren Are The Children Of Your Heart…

If you are a stepparent then you can completely understand what I mean when I say that being a stepparent isn’t something everyone can accomplish successfully. To be honest, I am not sure if I can even say that I am a successful stepmom, especially when I feel like I can always be better. In …

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Ten Father’s Day Ideas That Won’t Break The Piggy Bank!

I’m at a slight monetary disadvantage this year for the festivities normally heaped on daddies for this day of honor. I have to dust off my powers of creativity, and get down and dirty with inexpensive ideas for my father and my husband. Forget the cliche tie that’s going to be thrown in a drawer …

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It F*cking Sucks When You’re Sick And Your Child Is Sick At The Same Time

I’m in my bed, in the middle of the afternoon, with my covers pulled over my head. My body is chilled from the inside out, and I can’t stop coughing that barky, rough cough that just sounds painful. It feels like somebody is running a feather duster up and down my raw throat, choking me and …

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5 Things I Wish My Family Understood About Mother’s Day

It’s so easy to just go through the routine. “Great, Mother’s Day is today,” my husband thinks. “Better stop by Walgreens and pick up something quick and easy.” He rushes in and out, hardly even noticing what he has grabbed. It was in the appropriate aisle, so it will do. The kids begrudgingly get out …

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5 Things To Pack If You’re Taking A Toddler On A Road Trip

Who doesn’t love a good road trip?! In a car, with the windows down, hair blowing in the wind, music blaring, and the pristine country hurtling by at top speeds. Your friend, or maybe your significant other is driving, and you are in the passenger seat, head thumping to the music, LuLaRoe on your legs, …

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Four, Er, Three Trends That Need To Die

I don’t know about you, but I think trends are awesome. If it wasn’t for trends, how would be know what to like and how to feel about things? Trends gave us hip-hop, teen comedies, women’s suits with giant shoulder pads…okay, I’m just listing off everything from the ‘80’s (historically known as The Best Decade). …

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Stillbirths Are A Reality, And We Need To Talk About It…

This is such a painful subject that the conversation is often avoided and yet it occurs far more than most people realize. This is my story…I hope in some way it will help others in similar situations. I’ve given birth to 2 stillborn children: one at 7 1/2 months gestation and the other at 8, …

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5 Things Moms Of Strong-Willed Children Know To Be True

You bring home this perfect, tiny, wrinkly human from the hospital, and you expect life to be easy. I mean, you know there will be sleepless nights, dirty bottles galore, and diapers that smell of toxic waste, but you’ve read all the books. You know how to raise this child. You got this! You’ve memorized …

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So Your Child Has Autism And You Have Denial

“He ran head-first through a crowded parking lot. Terrible Twos? Am I right?” “It’s okay if he had a meltdown during his baseball game and had to be drug off the field. Boys will be boys.” “So he spent all day at school hiding under his desk, hands cupped over his ears, screaming at the …

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“Welcome To The Club” And Other Things That Make New Moms Want to Punch You

There’s this overwhelming desire among parents to make a joke when someone has a new baby (or is expecting) about how they’ll never sleep again.  Or how they’ll never have time for themselves again.  Or how often life will be difficult. If you do this, you’re being a jackass. “Welcome To The Club” And Other …

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My Parents Were Right, But I’m Taking That To My Grave

My daughter is nine. When I say she’s nine, I mean she thinks she’s 25. She is one of the most stubborn people I have ever come across. She gets these ideas in her head, and there is no deterring her. She thinks she is in control of every aspect of her life, and it’s …

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How To Murder Your Teenager, And Where To Hide The Body

Teenagers are awful. The are as close to nature flipping parents the finger as you can get. And yeah, we’ve all got those friends who are all, “My kids aren’t like that. My kids are amazing. Maybe if you’d parented differently your kids could be angels, too.” Yeah, trust me: their little Dylan and Petal …

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How My Opinion Of ‘Bad Parents’ Changed After I Had Kids

I’m out to dinner with my husband when the screeching starts. I roll my eyes, looking at the child standing backwards in the booth in front of me. She starts to bounce up and down on the pleather seat, as she continues to screech and laugh. Her mother tries to get her to turn around …

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January Jones Is Okay Being A Single Mom And I’m Not Okay With That

The other day January Jones did an interview in Red where she talked about being a single mom. I wouldn’t normally have given this piece a second thought. Most of these stories are just propaganda meant to make 40-year-old career women feel good about the terrible choice they made in having a career over a …

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Why Oliver And April The Giraffe Are #RelationshipGoals

Social media has been flooded with messages about people waiting impatiently for the new baby giraffe at Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York, but the only one waiting more anxiously than April the Giraffe is her baby-daddy, Oliver. This is the new four-legged power couple taking the internet by storm. And in my humble …

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The Unexpected Joy Of Cleaning With My Teenager

I know all you moms with teenagers can understand the dread of housecleaning day. Since my daughter was able to start picking up her own toys, we’ve cleaned house on Sundays. It’s our day. The day to prepare for the week: get laundry, dusting, vacuuming, toilets scrubbed, floors washed, sheets changed on the beds, housecleaning, crank up …

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A Year Ago I Didn’t Want Kids, Now I Live For Mustard Bombs And Maniacal Baby Giggles…

A little over a year ago my personal dating profile could have read something like: ‘Crazy workaholic cat lady who loves wild weekends with big books and bottomless pots of dark roast coffees looking for Mr. Right Now to help keep her gossip interesting and her reputation questionable.’ No shame. Who knew things would change …

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When You Sniff Your Kids Clothes To See What’s Still Clean, And Then Find Poo…

America, we’ve got a big problem. I know I say that a lot, but this time the problem actually affects me. We’ve got a dirty clothes epidemic. This week I became a semi-stay-at-home-dad. I’m adjusting to a world of play-dates and lunchboxes and laundry, and I’ve got to tell you…I’m not washing this fecking laundry …

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Why We Have Not One…But Seven…Christmas Trees

You read that right, we don’t have one Christmas tree. We have seven. Believe it or not, that’s our version of compromise. When two people move in together not all things are going to be wonderfully in synch. For as great as my boyfriend and I have combined our lives there are some things we …

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I Don’t Want Kids. What Does This Mean For My Love Life?

I don’t want children, and that’s okay. I’m 26 years old, and I’ve been thinking about this for nearly a decade. There’s just one problem with being 26, single, and choosing not to have children. Dating. I don’t want children, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in love. So, I’ve made up …

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My Husband Isn’t a Baby When He’s Sick. He’s In Denial.

I suppose I’d always imagined that if I ever made a late night trip to purchase a humidifier it would be as a last ditch effort to comfort a sick kid. As I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot at 10:45 PM I realized I was half right. But the sick kid was my husband. …

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Maybe We Haven’t Been Critical Enough Of Our Fellow Moms…

So I’m sitting over here trying my hardest to be as non-judgmental as possible – because we should support each other – and then my SIL tells me she’s “unschooling” her kids. Unschooling? Not homeschooling, but unschooling. She’s decided that at the ages of 10 and 8, her two oldest kids have learned enough basic …

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Is There A Way To Teach Modesty Without It Feeling Like Body Shaming?

She loves her body. Bonus points for that. She sixteen so it could very easily have gone the other direction. She could want to cover herself from head to toe and keep other people from seeing the cesspool that is her teenage body. But no. Instead, she looks in the mirror, nods in approval, turns …

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Parenting While Hungover: It Isn’t Pretty, But You’ll Survive…

Today’s guest post comes from Dayton Uttinger…our newest author for Totally The Bomb…and one of the funniest ladies you’ll ever read. Enjoy! Usually, the situation is reversed.  Usually, I am the one waking him up, opening the blinds as he lays in bed.  Usually, he is the one pulling the covers over his head, moaning …

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Six Been There, Done That Tips To Surviving As A Step-Mom

I was wholly unprepared to be a step-mom. Completely and totally. I don’t think there’s a word that fully encompasses just how out of my depth I was. In the last few years I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve also learned a lot of lessons. For one, thanks to Disney step moms get …

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My Husband is a Better Parent Than I Am — and That’s Okay

Throughout decades of fighting for equal rights, women of the United States have moved leaps and bounds towards equality. We are largely expected to attend college, to seek our own path and to be who we wish to be. However, there are still a few areas in which women woefully lack the benefit of equality …

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If It’s Bad For Our Sons, Why Isn’t It Bad For Our Daughters?

Today is Denver Go Topless Day, or Denver Millennials Have No Real Problems So They Make Up Their Own Day. I agree that Denver could have made a shorter name but what Denver does is none of my business. Go, Broncos! The idea behind the demonstration is that men get to waltz around without shirts, …

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10 Reasons To Be Excited Summer Is Over

When did summer stop being a break where students and moms could take a breather from rigid schedules? Was it when the kids hit middle school age, with fall sports tryouts on the horizon? When they spent months figuring out which to go out for during the next school year and which to finally let go …

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My Wife Makes Bad Kool-Aid And 3 Other Things I Do Better

I’ve written before about how easy it is to be a wonderful dad. To be a wonderful dad, all you have to do is just be there. I’m great at just being there. My kids love me. I’m also a great husband. I buy my wife Ben & Jerry’s when she’s had a long day. …

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Why Are You So Happy To See Them Go?

Over the summer, my family took a road trip. Seven hours of confinement with three other people who would rather be anywhere else. It’s a lot like prison, except you have to pay for your own meals and in prison it’s generally expected that someone will get shanked. Society tends to frown on fathers stabbing …

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Kids Climb Things, And Fall – That Doesn’t Make Me A Bad Mom

I have two rambunctious boys. They’re three and one and full of love and kisses and Iron Man. The three-year-old, at least. He’s convinced he’s Iron Man. That is my fault. One day while I was doing dishes, I put on the Iron Man cartoon for him and that was that. Ever since then he’s …

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We Have To Keep Our Daughters Funny

Ladies, you know I’ve raked our men-folk over the coals in a blog or two. I guess you all liked that because it gets shared a bazillion times. Right now a wife in China is reading my posts and thinking…well, I don’t know what she’s thinking because I don’t speak Mandarin. But you’re not perfect, …

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When The Baby Doesn’t Sleep, No One Sleeps…

I’m so bone tired today that as I’m writing this, my eyes are crossing. My shoulders ache, my head aches, my I-don’t-even-know-what-that-is aches. Seriously, the last time I felt like this was after three solid days of the flu, and no one to take care of me. I’m not complaining, really I’m not, but last …

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Dear Ten-Year-Old, You’re Right That I’m Not Your Mom, But…

Dear Ten-Year-Old, Your favorite thing to say when you’re mad at me is that I’m not your mom. You don’t have to listen to me because I’m not your mom. You don’t have to do what I ask because I’m not your mom. I get it. I’m not her. I’m never going to be her. …

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Internet Danger Is Just A Click Away. It Happened To Us!

This age of technology can be exceedingly dangerous for our children. With friends and family spread across the nation, parents, aunts, uncles, and even grandparents in farflung cities, technology has moved to bring us together. A quick google search netted me 10+ apps that are free, most of which offered video chat, and a number …

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10 Ways Your Mom Had It Way Easier Than You

Anybody remember the rotary phone? How about the ‘harvest gold’ coloured appliances you grew up with in your home? Or the ‘Light Bright’ or that hideously creepy Hugo doll? If any of these stir up memories, you were likely a child of the seventies and the early eighties. Ever wonder how your Mom managed without …

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11 Things You Should Stop Caring About Right Now!

I’m not one for sugar coating. Forty sucks. The spontaneous hair growth in weird places. Gray pubes. Weight that’s next to impossible to lose. But forty isn’t all bad either. Especially when you get introspective and consider the lessons you’ve learned. That’s when forty becomes the decade where you strip your life of the bullshit, …

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The Best Advice I Received After Having A Miscarriage

Nearly 7 years ago, I was blissfully pregnant with my second child. We were in that scary first 12 weeks, that is sort of like the ‘if I am good enough I get to have the baby’ test. Well, I guess I wasn’t good enough, because I drove myself to the hospital just before the …

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Your Family Needs More Than Your Wallet

Like a lot of families, my dad was the “bread-winner”. He worked days, nights, weekends, holidays. The guy nearly killed himself because of all the stress he was under. Literally. When I was seven, my dad tried to shoot himself in the living room of our small rent house. Oh, those carefree summer days of …

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Waiting For Pregnancy, And Missing My Mom…

I got my period the day my mom died. It wasn’t my first period or anything. I was 29 at the time. But the painful coincidence didn’t go unnoticed. Nor did the parallel that exactly nine months had passed between Mom’s diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and the day of her death. My mom had been …

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16 Things I’ve Learned By Living With My 16-Year-Old Niece…

It’s summer and with kids out of school my niece has come to stay with me for a bit. While I couldn’t be more excited, this time together has been a complete crash course in all things teenager. I get that I’m not a full-time parent, but there are still some pretty huge things that …

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The Night My Daughter Asked, “Mom, Where Do Babies Come From?”

Last night over Spongebob-shaped chicken noodle soup, my five-year-old daughter asked me the BIG question. She gave me the doe-eyed look that I’ve come to learn means I’m about to impart my vast knowledge of the world upon her. “Mom, where do babies come from?” I choked on a wheat thin and prepared my best truthish-lie. (It’s …

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Do Five-Year-Olds Really Need Structured After School Activities?

My daughter, if left to her own devices, would eat candy all day, play with Barbies and watch mindless television. Seriously, I get that. She’s a lot like me, and if I don’t have structure in my life I tend to spend the majority of my day playing World of Warcraft and Twittering about it. …

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10 Things Every Parent Needs to Survive The Toddler Years

Having a newborn is one thing because they mostly eat, sleep and poop. I can handle that. Now I am on the toddler stage and let me tell you, it’s rough. If there is one thing I wish someone had told me before I made it to this point in time, it would be that Parents Need …

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10 Times My Big Purse Defined Me As A Mom…

Becoming a mom is a little like enlisting in the military, then being thrown into combat with little to no training. It’s a war out there, folks, and unless we adapt quickly we’ll be slaughtered. My way of adapting? With every year of my daughters’ life, my purse has grown an entire size. I learned …

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My Daughter Is Annoyingly Arrogant, And I Couldn’t Be More Proud!

Arrogant is a name that has come up to describe my daughter more than once. Relatives, other parents, even teachers. At first I was angry, but now? I hope she embraces it. The other day my daughter walked in from her latest gymnastics practice and told me, “You have to see me do my new backflip and …

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I Am Officially Out Of The Running For Mom Of The Year

Being Mom is my top priority. It comes before my career, my own friendships, and (obviously) housework. This means I spend a lot of time sitting at practices watching the daughter cheer, kick balls, or whatever the hell else she’s into at the moment. Which is why I don’t really have time to do loads …

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What To Do When Inspiration Finally Hits

No matter what you do, there are going to be times when you struggle to find the inspiration to get it done. Whether you’re a writer, like me, or a mom trying to figure out what to do for a precocious tween’s birthday party, a college student working on a group project, or maybe it’s just …

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My Kids Are Growing Up And 3 Other Terrible Things

My daughter is packing for her very first summer camp. She’s 7 years old and has absolutely no use for her mother or me anymore. In fact, if she could reach the freezer door and get her own Popsicles, she might have killed us in our sleep long ago, as is our family’s Sith Lord …

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8 Moms You’ll Meet At Target

When you’re a mother, every day is an adventure. A trip to Target can be the chore you’ve been dreading because you’re a tired, working mom or the only contact you’ll have with the outside world because you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s running dangerously low on toilet paper.  But while you’re there, see if you …

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Top 3 Horror Movies For Making A Man Out Of Your Little Girl

If you are a strong-willed, articulate parent like I am, you’ll no doubt agree that cowardice is for dummy-stupidheads. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re afraid to jab a stick into a rabid dog in the eye there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re smart. In fact, congratulations because you’re smarter than I am. But we …

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Can We Please Stop Judging Moms On Cell Phones?

So, I just read an article that says an experiment was done with rats, and they placed some mama rats and their babies in cages that did not have sufficient material for nesting or bedding. This apparently led to the mama rats running around looking for better surroundings ( like any mama would do!) and ended up …

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Why I Will Never Give My Daughter ‘The Talk’…

My ten-year-old came home from school the other day practically bursting at the seams: “We talked about puberty at school today.” “Yeah?” I asked. “What about it?” “The teacher said there are signs it’s starting. Like you start craving chocolate and get moody.” Inside I rolled my eyes a little. We live in Texas and there’s …

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The Reason I Will Never Criticize Myself In Front Of My Daughter Again

We all think our kids are the most beautiful ever, but mine really is. She’s ten and has this long, blonde hair, huge pool-water blue eyes, and a smile that she must have stolen from her dad…because it’s the same smile that made me fall in love with him. And smart? This kid remembers just …

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Second Grade Is Too Young For In School Suspension

A friend of mine called me pretty frantic last week. “I can’t get my daughter to go to school. It’s been happening for a couple of weeks, and I need your help.” Her daughter is seven, in the second grade. You see, I am no expert– but I did teach school for several years, have …

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My Daughter Came Home With Lice And Now I’m Going To Have To Burn Down Our House

I’m not a noob to the affects of lice. When I was a little girl my mom once threatened to move me into a cabin by myself if I shared my hat, headband, and/or affection with another lice-carrying classmate. I was a friendly kid, what can I say? So maybe twice a year or so from the time …

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