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A Year Ago I Didn’t Want Kids, Now I Live For Mustard Bombs And Maniacal Baby Giggles…

A little over a year ago my personal dating profile could have read something like: ‘Crazy workaholic cat lady who loves wild weekends with big books and bottomless pots of dark roast coffees looking for Mr. Right Now to help keep her gossip interesting and her reputation questionable.’

No shame.

Who knew things would change so fast?  A year ago I didn’t want kids…I truly had no idea what I was missing.

new baby

A Year Ago I Didn’t Want Kids, Now I Live For Mustard Bombs And Maniacal Baby Giggles…

Your typical anti-marriage and anti-children millennial, I was pretty comfortable with my weekly work routine in Corporate America and with my weekend hobbies of hiking across mountainsides and heading out on unplanned adventures of road-tripping wherever my dart landed on the map.

<Enter Mr. Right> and <Exit Life As I Knew It>

I was warned about this guy. Growing up, I was always told by older ladies that someday some unexpected dude in shining armor would gallop or trot or something in on his pony and sweep me off my feet to live happily ever after under a new identity.

Boy, was I surprised to find out:

1. How late he would actually be and…

2. How horrible he would be at pulling out.

On September 14th, 2016, after many months of hormonal chaos and many bowls of Tabasco covered ice cream, doctors tossed into my and my husband’s arms a tightly wrapped bundle of grunting happiness.

We laughed.

We cried.

We were kicked out onto the streets as new and unsupervised parents two days later.

No book could have prepared me for this new title and what being a mom entails.

And people lie! Oh, how they lie! And to your face!

Here are just five of the lies people told me:

1. You’ll love being pregnant! No, you’ll love watching me suffer through pregnancy.

2. You’ll miss being kicked! Seriously? Who made this one up?

3. You’ll forget the pain! Never!

4. You’ll lose the weight quickly! Riiiiight…

5. You won’t drop the baby… much. They should have said you won’t drop the baby much.

This is motherhood as I know it.

Which may not be how you know it or will come to know it, but it is my experiences with this new life I’ve found myself in with mustard bombs and maniacal baby giggles and love. Oh, so much love.

And I would LOVE to hear your stories. If you relate, if you don’t. Even if your perfectly agreeable baby poops only rose-scented, streak-free pellets, I would love to hear about it and your experiences with being a new parent! For I’ve found that the best unplanned adventures aren’t those solo ones you head out on periodically because some dart leads you there, but rather those that leave you laughing and crying daily, if not hourly, over the little things in life that you once thought mattered least of all.

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