I’m not one for sugar coating. Forty sucks. The spontaneous hair growth in weird places. Gray pubes. Weight that’s next to impossible to lose. But forty isn’t all bad either. Especially when you get introspective and consider the lessons you’ve learned. That’s when forty becomes the decade where you strip your life of the bullshit, wondering why you ever put energy into caring about things to begin with.
But why wait ’til you’re 40? Here are 11 Things You Should Stop Caring About Right Now!
11 Things You Should Stop Caring About Right Now!
1). Cleaning your house before friends come over
Seriously? We do this? And don’t even get me started on the cleaning before the cleaning lady arrives.
I’m not talking about the metaphorical ones (although those suck too). I’m talking about the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the handbag you hold. If people judge you for shopping Target vs. Nordstrom, GMC vs. Mercedes, then I hate to be the one to tell you, but your friends are douches. They’re also the same friends who judge you for having an untidy house. Trim the fat and get rid of them.
3). Other people’s opinion
So you got sloppy drunk at the last block party. Or you let your kid dress himself and he was the only one wearing a Batman cape, rain boots and a pink tiara in the family Christmas card photo shoot. Was there really any harm done? Now you have blackmail material for when it really matters. Think, “If you drink and drive, I will make sure you become the poster child for Awkward Family Photos.” And your neighbors have new stories to talk about at the next gathering.
4). How other people parent
From Harambe to the tragedy at Disney, parent shaming is at an all-time and vicious high. Your kids aren’t perfect. My kids aren’t perfect. We as a collective are not perfect. And even with twelve set of eyes on one single child at all times, shit is still going to happen because that’s what shit does. So climb down from that high horse and cast your pitchforks aside. One day you’ll be thankful to receive the same grace you extended to others.
Seriously, if I could have those minutes, hours and days back that I actually gave a single thought to ass-dimples…I’d have a lot of minutes, hours and days. So here’s the reality. It is inevitable. You will eventually get cellulite no matter how much or how little you weigh. Put your focus on the important things–like being healthy–no matter your size or shape.
6). Your child’s popularity
We all worry about our kids and social acceptance within their peer group is a major anxiety inducer for them. So don’t add to it by circumnavigating their social circle like a chopper mom. Let them choose their own friends, following their natural gravitational pull. Just remember, there is such a thing as peaking too soon (waves to the jocks and the cheer captains) and not all stoners end up felons. They’re also Silicon Valley billionaires.
7). Age appropriate clothing
My 13 year old daughter has a pretty cool sense of fashion. So believe me when I say that if I could wear her clothes, I would. But the internet is full of articles on what not to wear in your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Well I call bullshit on that. In choosing your wardrobe ask yourself two questions:
1). Does it fit?
2). Does it make me feel good?
The rest is irrelevant.
8). Being right
No one cares anyway.
9). Celebrity gossip
Or any gossip for that matter. But especially celebrity gossip. There are legit things you should be concerned about, like terrorism and whether or not there’s an impending Twinkie shortage on the horizon.
10). 98.5% of everything you read on the internet
It’s probably not true anyway.
11). Being perfect
Unless your name is Jesus (as in the biblical, not the Latino), this is a battle you’ll never win. Hang up the cross and reach for the wine.
Life is not a competition. There is no race to the finish line (unless you have a death wish). Isn’t it time we all relax, smell the roses and take five seconds to chill-the-eff-out?