Moms: Let Your Boys Be Boys!

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I have a daughter and she’s perfect. She does all the right things.

She is obedient. She is mindful and kind. She plays nicely with friends.

My son, on the other hand, is a stinky whirlwind of destruction.

let boys be boys

He’s a great kid but he does stupid things. His friends do stupid things. Boys are a challenge.

They’re easy to love but hard to tolerate. And I know we wish all kids could be as easy to raise as little girls, but I’m sorry moms, you’re little boy is not your little girl.

Seriously, let your boys be boys!

let boys be boys

Moms: Let Your Boys Be Boys!

My neighborhood Facebook page is bursting at the digital seams with mothers who are freaking out over boys doing things that boys tend to do.

“But Nik, you true north on the compass of parenting,” I hear you say. “What do boys tend to do?”

Boys fight. They wrestle around and hurt each other.

They use the worst insults you can imagine, and by “worst” I mean in foulness and also quality. This kid was trying to punch my son and my son kept holding his backpack between them.

The kid said, “Why you gotta hide behind your backpack, you little wuss?”

To which my son replied, “It’s called self-defense, stupid.”

I still don’t know if that’s the best comeback ever, or the lamest.

Recently, a mother posted about two boys who appeared to be fighting in a field beside our school. I don’t believe she really knew what was going on.

She didn’t know they were fighting, but she just knew they were fighting. They could have been wrestling, or she might have been right, they might have actually been going at it. But there is nothing wrong with either.

Let them fight. As a kid I used to fight with my friends on a daily basis, and as an adult I’ve only had the cops called on me three times. Not bad.

But mothers can’t stand to see kids fight. It’s not in their nature. Mothers nurture and protect. They soothe and calm.

They literally create life.

So, to see a 4th grader knock another one to the ground sends a natural panic straight through their brain like that robot from Lost In Space. “Danger! Danger!” But there is no danger.

A gangly, bucktoothed dork isn’t going to really hurt anyone, I don’t care how hard his mom frosts his hair. (Also, why are moms frosting their boys hair? Do they really want these kids to look like a member of 98 Degrees?).

In the end, it doesn’t matter if there was a fight or not, once the mother posts on Facebook, suddenly everyone wants to be a part of the story. You’ve got other moms posting stuff like, “I saw a boy on the ground, trying to put on a shoe. That might have been your boy!”

Really? A kid missing a shoe? Who gives a crap? Some times shoes come off, the world’s an imperfect place, but now a picture is being painted that this stretch of road beside our school is some lawless, Mad Max universe where kids are cage fighting and shoes are flying off, and the ducks!

let boys be boys

Sweet Christmas, the poor ducks!

Four or five ducks live around this pond beside the school. One day some boys were skipping stones across the pond. Another mother posted that a group of boys were throwing rocks at the ducks.

You know, the great thing about ducks is that they can literally fly anywhere. Assuming the kids were actually trying to hit the ducks, the ducks are free to leave.

If you’re winged, migratory foul, you’re never in danger of being hit with rocks.

Because of these posts, we had to have a conversation with our son, who has never been in trouble, never picked a fight, but is now a victim of this “nanny state” mentality.

Just this morning I had to remind him; don’t play with other kids, don’t play at the pond. Just come straight home after school. People are watching.

How sad is that? Think about it.

You’re a kid. You have a twenty-minute window between school letting out and when you’re expected home, and you can’t enjoy it. You can’t play around a pond. You can’t explore the creek.

let boys be boys

You can’t roughhouse with your friends. You can’t be a boy exploring your world, because nosy mothers with cell phones will take everything you do out of context and blast it on social media.

Boys are physical and they’re mean and they want to figure this stuff out. They can’t do that with you breathing over their shoulder, judging them for everything you’re not comfortable with.

It doesn’t matter if you’re comfortable with it, or not. You don’t know how a boy is feeling, you don’t know what a boy is thinking, so stop raising him with your effeminate world view.

let boys be boys

And you know what? After all of this has been said, I don’t blame the moms.

I blame the dads.

Where are these guys? It’s a dad’s job to push the kids, to make them get out and go be something. Are we so lazy at raising our sons that we’ve just outsourced the whole process to women?

In 20 years we’re going to wonder why our sons still live at home and don’t get out of bed until noon. We’re going to bitch about how they can’t hold down a job. They can’t keep a girlfriend. Heck, they can’t change a tire without calling AAA.

let boys be boys

And we’re going to complete ignore the fact that it was easier to let the mom do all the heavy lifting while the dad checked out in front of a TV.

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  3. I love this article! I have 4 children 3 boys and a girl. They are my 18 yr old son, 11 year old daughter, 3 year old son, and 3 month old son. By far my boys have been the easiest. My daughter on the other hand has been nothing but a problem from birth, literally. She has an attitude, bossy as hell, and will straight up tell anyone off (including a cashier at Walmart) Now, my boys, are polite and they are the most lovable human beings. My daughter will text me 100 times a day and every single text is something that she wants that she wants me to pay for, my oldest son will text me 100 time a day and never ask for a thing. I ask my 3 year old to help me fold laundry he is right there doing it. My daughter magically now has a headache. As for roughhousing yes my boys do and I let them. My son jumping in the couch after I tell him to stop 3 times and he don’t listen, I’m not telling him a 4th time he will learn when he falls and gets hurt. When he falls and gets hurt I’m not running over to him to make sure he is okay, I say “ well I told you to stop, you didn’t listen, but I bet you learned not to jump on the couch now.” If I was guaranteed to have another boy I would have another baby,but having the chance I could have a girl that’s like playing with fire.

  4. I don’t agree with this article hardly at all! The things I agree with are that boys do TEND to play rough at times, but in no way does this mean that we as parents are allowed to just stand by and watch while they hurt each other or animals. Boys who think it’s okay to just do whatever they want simply because they’re boys are the kind of boys who grow up to be entitled fools who don’t take responsibility for their actions. Personally as a single mother, I will raise my son to be kind, strong in character, to stand up for what he believes in, to be respectful and strong, but to use his strength to help others and not to hurt them. I want him to learn to be a leader that people will respect and follow, not because of his intimidation or his status, but because of his character. I expect the best from my son, and he knows how he’s supposed to act.
    On a second note, raising daughters is by no means an easy feat either. You say boys are mean? Have you ever met a little girl with an attitude? This article to me seems close minded and immature. People who think like this are part of the problem with today’s entitled men. They are the ones who get offended at Gillette commercials which tells them to be the best they can be. I’m sad at this article and hope that my son never thinks it’s okay to throw rocks at animals or fight with someone and hurt them just because he’s a boy. Most of all, I hope people take this article as a guide for what not to do with your boys. Kids are all different and assigning specific gender roles to boys saying they have to fight and be muddy and mean is damaging to the ones who don’t want to do that. Raise your children well, not rough.

  5. I raised two girls. They were a handful but much as you described them. Now I am a grandma to a now 4 yr old little boy. Love him dearly and I really don’t have issues with his rowdiness. I see it as him just being a boy. He wants to wrestle and knock down is 2 yr old sister. He finds it necessary to spit, say “butt” a lot along with “fart” and other classy phrases. My daughter is appalled! Isn’t this all just a part of them being boys or am I just being a too-laid-back grandma? Curious what you think?

  6. I did not really relate to this at all. I have a son. I don’t mind if he plays and has fun or gets dirty. I don’t think boys are “mean” as you stated and I don’t think wrestling until someone gets hurt is something I would advocate. I surely would not advocate fighting. Call me the crazy mom but yes it would bother me seeing kids first fighting because there is no reason for it. I would say something about a child throwing rocks at animals. Learn to reason and use your words and protect ourselfs but no don’t really see how this makes a lot sense. Out of all the boys that have been around my home and there has been lots, only a few were mean and would want to wrestle until someone got hurt and all the other boys just think he’s kind of a jerk. Let’s raise boys to be boys who love outdoors and being boys and are still kind and respectful humans. That would be my hope.

    1. Great comment! You should have write the article, yes boys are boys but teaching respect and care for others is not just for females. We need to teach our boys to become men of integrity.

  7. Best article I’ve read yet! Thank you for the good read! I love my boys but it’s hard to get on that level with them as a mom, they need their dad for sure. Boys are magical!

  8. “Where are the dads?” Really? They’re at work!

  9. “Boys will be boys” is simply lazy parenting. That’s all there is to it.

  10. Gee I have two boys that are highly physical (every time I look up they are fake wrestling) and yes they do all those “boy” things you celebrate in your article and I celebrate all those things too! However they are also mindful and kind and have a strong sense of honour. They don’t throw stones at ducks because that is just mindless bullying but they will skip stones across the water to see who can get the farthest. My point is that no sex has a monopoly on good character and you can be manly without being an arsehole! I think mums and dads these days are doing a great job modelling that empathy for others displays great strength. Courage, honour and kindness, the full package.

    1. This is perfect! Let boys be good people! Let girls be good people. Let kids be kids but we need to teach them all to be good, kind, strong, respectful and caring!

  11. I rather like grown men who were taught to respect other people and living things. I give men credit that they aren’t just lumps of uncontrollable aggression. There’s more to being a man than being able to punch someone out. Moreover, someone’s right to “be a boy” ends when it threatens someone else’s safety, and all kids need to know that.

  12. This is more about lazy dads than teaching our sons to stand up for something. They dont have to learn to fight. My 9 year old sons single punch settled a ongoing taunt from a boy wanting to fight. We didnt have to show our son how. They played the next day. What do you do about a boy who constantly want to inflict pain on children and adults?

  13. All good until you blame the dads. We are there to do what is needed to make our boys into men. The problem is the mothers will not allow us; in fact, they will take us to court and say that we abuse the children and then, we will never be able to see or properly influence our sons (and having to pay support on top of that). The system is totally biased for this to happen-this cannot be denied.
    I think you must now write another article: “Mothers, check your privilege” to remind them to allow us to turn our boys into real men (those that have women reading 50 shades of grey.

    1. I don’t normally reply on the comment section, but what you’re saying really speaks to me. Now, obviously if you’re facing some kind of legal obstacle, I can’t outright place any of the blame that I’m slinging at your feet. I have a family member right now involved in the very issue you bring up. My heart goes out. I’m talking about the dads who come home, plop in front of the tv, and watch Top Gear instead raising their kids. They’re not a father, they’re just a walking ATM. They’re not a partner, they’re a lump of mush. Believe me, there are plenty in my neighborhood. These are the guys who have been given a gift that you’re being denied, and they are squandering it. I think that upsets you just as much as it upsets me.

  14. This is a bizarre, poorly written diatribe at best.
    ALL children are different, and some boys AND girls like to play in the mud, roughhouse and wrestle.
    I’m not sure what your aim was here, except to come off as a ridiculous nut.

  15. Jamie, if you want the counter to this, which I strongly suggest you post, it’s on MyBeautifulShitShow.com.



  16. Daniel Steven bracamonte dsb bad clam9sherlnmisto giana. says:

    “Well god damn”… JAmes or Jamie. An frlkin mean grey t bird. He is whay y.com
    Imvthe dude do I call me a dude
    DiknybobbyhjllTugtellyyoedyhe toom togyeyjt

    1. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

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