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Nik Holman

Nik Holman writes publishable dad blogs and unpublishable novels. When he's not changing hearts and minds, he's watching scary movies with his wife and two kids. He reviews horror movies with his daughter for their podcast <a href="https://www.katyfromthecrypt.com">here</a> If you want to know why A Flock Of Seagulls was an amazing band or why your politics are all wrong, check him out on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/nik.holman.9">Facebook</a>

I Never Expected Being A Stay-At-Home-Parent Would Be So Lonely…

Over the last few weeks I’ve become a mostly stay-at-home-dad. I’ve been working two, maybe three days a week while my wife is crushing it in her new, fancy accounting job. When my better half and I switched roles, I knew I’d keep busy. I’ve got rooms to clean, and endless stream of laundry to …

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3 Creepy Things My Kids Have Done That Are NOT Okay!

Raising a child is a darn frightening experience. Moms, have you even seen what those things look like coming out? Of course you haven’t. You’re up there enjoying your drugs and…I don’t know…iced coffee? I might be misremembering my children’s birth. I was really lightheaded during the first go-around. I don’t remember much but I …

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Keeping The Earth Alive And Your Yard Undead: Upcycled Halloween Decorations

Any true craftsman will say, “Measure twice, cut once.” But if you’re like me it’s more like, “Close your eyes and hope you don’t lose a thumb.” It’s Halloween, and if you’re an environmentally friendly hippy with time on your hands between protests or if you’re a broke guy with an underwhelming job, this post …

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There Are Not Enough Hours In The Day For This Stay-At-Home Dad

If you’re a stay-at-home mom, I’m probably not going to tell you anything new, but being a stay-at-home mom can suck. Don’t get wrong, tending to home and family is rewarding both emotionally and spiritually. Plus, you get to binge watch GLOW while you Pledge the china cabinet. But there is a lot more that …

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Know Who Cares About Your Life Choices? Not This Guy!

I was thinking about Milo Yiannopoulos the other day. If you don’t know who Milo is, that’s okay. It’s not important. But what you should know, at least in regards to this post, is that he’s young, handsome, and fabulously super-gaybones. I began to wonder about Milo’s parents. Did they know he was gay? Were …

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I’m A Grown-Up, But I Don’t Feel Like One

When I was a kid, my dad scared me like nothing else. Grown-ups might as well have been gods for all the unquestionable authority they held. Parents, teachers, cops, pastors, random strangers at the grocery store who felt it was okay to pat me on the head because I was so damn cute. Grown-ups looked …

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The Man Romper, Er, Romphim Is Here And Women Everywhere Should Rejoice!

Sexy. Virile. Bold. Your husband can be all these things and more. This summer, while other men are wearing yucky, rugged jeans to work on their trucks, or sporting a boring, creased pair of tailored shorts around the grill, your beau can pick some fabulous chardonnay for your next book club in a Romphim. That’s …

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Your Dog Doesn’t Count On Mother’s Day And Other Truths

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! I want to wish a wonderful day to all the moms out there either through biology, or adoption, or if you’re a step-mom, or even if you’ve got a deadbeat sibling who has run off to Nevada to “find themselves” and left you a niece and a half empty bag of …

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My Daughter Is A Fearless Princess And That’s Great

My daughter is an incredible kid. You’ll find more 1st place trophies in her room than measles outbreaks in Minnesota. She loves to camp and she plays with animals. Yesterday, she came home with a cup full of worms that she had dug up from a friend’s backyard. Why? I don’t know. She’s complicated. My …

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Four, Er, Three Trends That Need To Die

I don’t know about you, but I think trends are awesome. If it wasn’t for trends, how would be know what to like and how to feel about things? Trends gave us hip-hop, teen comedies, women’s suits with giant shoulder pads…okay, I’m just listing off everything from the ‘80’s (historically known as The Best Decade). …

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So Your Child Has Autism And You Have Denial

“He ran head-first through a crowded parking lot. Terrible Twos? Am I right?” “It’s okay if he had a meltdown during his baseball game and had to be drug off the field. Boys will be boys.” “So he spent all day at school hiding under his desk, hands cupped over his ears, screaming at the …

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January Jones Is Okay Being A Single Mom And I’m Not Okay With That

The other day January Jones did an interview in Red where she talked about being a single mom. I wouldn’t normally have given this piece a second thought. Most of these stories are just propaganda meant to make 40-year-old career women feel good about the terrible choice they made in having a career over a …

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Daddy-Daughter Dates And Why They’re Essential

A friend of mine sent me a link about how creepy an author found Daddy-Daughter Dances and Daddy-Daughter Date Nights. The author wrote that the whole concept was weird and patriarchal and all those buzzwords insufferable people like to throw around. This piece really jammed me up because that very next night was our Daddy …

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I Have No Problem With Beating My Kids

You can’t step outside without cringing at the desperate weeping in the streets. I look around and all I see are a bunch of children who can’t believe they’ve lost. They can’t believe the rules were not in their favor. How dare someone beat them at their own game! These kids haven’t learned to be …

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When You Sniff Your Kids Clothes To See What’s Still Clean, And Then Find Poo…

America, we’ve got a big problem. I know I say that a lot, but this time the problem actually affects me. We’ve got a dirty clothes epidemic. This week I became a semi-stay-at-home-dad. I’m adjusting to a world of play-dates and lunchboxes and laundry, and I’ve got to tell you…I’m not washing this fecking laundry …

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I Feel Like The Politically Correct, Gender Neutral World Is Trying To Steal My Manhood

Remember when gender used to be simple? If you were a boy, you hated girls. If you were a girl, you hated boys. Our kids will never know the simplicity of living in a world where it was totally okay to hate someone different than you. Over the last couple of years I’ve had to …

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It’s Okay To Not Hate Your Weird Relatives This Christmas

You might not know this, but blogs aren’t always written in order. You might get a kick butt Arbor Day blog idea, but Bastille Day is just around the corner. What are you suppose to do? Post one holiday’s blog the same time as another? That would be stupid. Plus, I hate how Big Arbor …

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If You’re Planning To Shop On Thanksgiving, You Suck

The Holidays are here and it’s a great time of the year. I love the music and lights. I love shopping. I love the food. I love the food way too much. And, like everyone else, I love spending the holidays with my family. Oh, wait, I’m sorry. Stupid me. Not everyone else gets to …

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Why I Love Jesus And Worship The Devil

Halloween is almost here. Kids are anticipating the coming sugar binge. Devil worshiping teenagers are stocking up on black cats. The inflatable décor industry, or Big Tacky, is getting a huge economic boost. Scary movies are on TV. And Christians have something else for a month to complain about. You may ask, “But Nik, you …

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If It’s Bad For Our Sons, Why Isn’t It Bad For Our Daughters?

Today is Denver Go Topless Day, or Denver Millennials Have No Real Problems So They Make Up Their Own Day. I agree that Denver could have made a shorter name but what Denver does is none of my business. Go, Broncos! The idea behind the demonstration is that men get to waltz around without shirts, …

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Why Are You So Happy To See Them Go?

Over the summer, my family took a road trip. Seven hours of confinement with three other people who would rather be anywhere else. It’s a lot like prison, except you have to pay for your own meals and in prison it’s generally expected that someone will get shanked. Society tends to frown on fathers stabbing …

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We Have To Keep Our Daughters Funny

Ladies, you know I’ve raked our men-folk over the coals in a blog or two. I guess you all liked that because it gets shared a bazillion times. Right now a wife in China is reading my posts and thinking…well, I don’t know what she’s thinking because I don’t speak Mandarin. But you’re not perfect, …

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Your Family Needs More Than Your Wallet

Like a lot of families, my dad was the “bread-winner”. He worked days, nights, weekends, holidays. The guy nearly killed himself because of all the stress he was under. Literally. When I was seven, my dad tried to shoot himself in the living room of our small rent house. Oh, those carefree summer days of …

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My Kids Are Growing Up And 3 Other Terrible Things

My daughter is packing for her very first summer camp. She’s 7 years old and has absolutely no use for her mother or me anymore. In fact, if she could reach the freezer door and get her own Popsicles, she might have killed us in our sleep long ago, as is our family’s Sith Lord …

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Top 3 Horror Movies For Making A Man Out Of Your Little Girl

If you are a strong-willed, articulate parent like I am, you’ll no doubt agree that cowardice is for dummy-stupidheads. Don’t get me wrong, if you’re afraid to jab a stick into a rabid dog in the eye there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re smart. In fact, congratulations because you’re smarter than I am. But we …

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