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“So You Just Have The One?”

One of the things I hate about social media is the number of people who try to co-parent my child without actually being in her life.

I realize everyone means well, but just because your intentions are good doesn’t mean you’re not overstepping.

My biggest issue? When people find out my daughter is a single-child. “So you just have the one?” Like one is so bad.

Like I’ve somehow cheated my daughter by not turning my uterus into a baby-making factory. Like her life…our lives…are somehow less because she doesn’t have a cabal of siblings waiting at home to do her bidding.

“Yeah, I’ve just got the one. You okay with that?”

“So You Just Have The One?”

Like I said, I understand that people are usually well-meaning when they say these things, but that doesn’t mean these things are okay to say. For one, it’s an exceptionally rude question.

“Just the one?”

Like my daughter isn’t more than enough for me. She’s amazing. My daughter is worth ten of anyone else’s kids any day of the week.

She’s brilliant, and so funny, and because I just have the one my daughter gets to experience things she might not get to experience if we had multiple children. So should I deny my child the chance to travel the world, have every advantage, and live life to the fullest just so she’s got a sibling?

No, I think not.

“Isn’t she lonely?”

Why would she be? Being an only-child means she gets to have all the sleep-overs she wants.

Her friends get to practically live with us because I don’t have to worry about scheduling around multiple children. Also, I’m not overwhelmed as a parent, so I get to be the ‘cool mom‘. And I know you might think that means I spoil her, but no, it means I have time for her.

We hang out, and paint nails, and craft to our little hearts content because rather than me splitting my time and attention I get to be there for her. How amazing is that?

Why do people assume that just because I chose to have one child she’s spoiled?

If by spoiled you mean well taken-care-of, then yes, absolutely, she is super duper mega spoiled. And I’m super duper mega proud of that. No, she doesn’t get everything she wants.

She’s polite and knows how to accept when I tell her no. But yes, she does get to experience more than some kids her age.

Why shouldn’t she? Because I don’t have to split my money between raising multiple children, my daughter will have so many stories to tell when she gets older. I’m so proud of that.

She is so well-rounded because of that!

Another thing people presume is that I have a single-child because I couldn’t have more. Like it’s every mother’s dream to pop out baby after baby after baby. Honestly, my reproductive tract is no one’s business but my own.

Maybe my husband’s. But unless you are the womb police, it definitely isn’t YOUR business. So put that speculum away and get outta my vag, m’kay?

Like I said, I get that people are well-meaning. Or at least they’re trying to come off as well-meaning. But honestly it feels a bit obtrusive to have people all up in my business all the time.

But leave me out of it.

I appreciate the well wishes, I love that you are concerned, but my daughter is so happy, and so am I. So if you’re worried about whether there are enough children in the world, please, by all means…go about making more.

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Cheryl

Thursday 7th of February 2019

Thank you for writing this!

M. Long

Sunday 8th of April 2018

I feel like the writer was having a bad day when she wrote this and maybe shouldn’t have? She should have vented in a hournal perhaps? Writing and publishing words like “baby making factory” and “pooping” out kids is just as negative a comment and observation as the criticism she was perceiving from others surrounding her decision to have just one child. It’s okay to have one child, and it’s ok to have five children. The amount of time a mother has for her children is not dependent upon how many she bears but how well she manages her time. There are many woman who have only one child and yet do not give that child the time they deserve; the time that another woman with three children may give each child individually, and although the writer of this may have been offended by the question she is incorrect in stating that her child will never be lonely. There will come a day when that child’s parents will no longer be around; no one lives forever, and the bond of siblings is a blessing during that stage in life; her child may even resent her sooner... as a high schooler or young adult perhaps. The child may not but the child may... who is to know. Make your decision regarding your own family planning and be proud of it, but do not degrade others because they don’t agree with you or choose to parent differently. The situation goes both ways.