There have been exactly three times in my life where I have been hurt.
I’m not talking about falling down and scratching a knee, or someone telling me my shirt looks like a banana and a clown *had sex* and made a baby (true story).
I’m talking about deep betrayal.
The kind that haunts you and follows you into your subconscious.
The kind that makes you cry at stupid, random times, and makes you shake with anger when you see the person, or hear about them.
So how the hell do you deal with hurt and betrayal like this?
Sometimes you have to just suck it up and let it go.
Even if it hurts to do it, even if it makes you sick with anger, even if it makes you double over with grief.
It has to leave your thoughts, and leave your dreams at night.
It has to go, and not remain an obsession on which you dwell.
This is much easier to preach, and not actually do.
It can be a deep, raw ache. It’s infuriating. Sometimes, it’s embarrassing.
What do you do when someone has irreparably hurt you? When someone you put your trust in screws you over in a way that’s not fixable?
You just have to make the decision to let it go.
I’m not going to lie, it’s not an easy decision to make. This is a conscious decision that you have to sometimes recommit to on a daily basis, especially when the wounds left feel fresh and exposed, like a nerve that can’t be numbed.
Life, that bitch, has a way of continuing to move forward.
This forward movement of time and distance from the situation is sometimes the cathartic break needed to let it go.
Sometimes this time and distance does not help… you see or hear the person, and you feel that hurt fresh like it just happened. Believe me, I know.
I also know that dwelling on the situation can cause unneeded stress to your body.
Even if you think you’re okay, and managing just fine, this may not be the case.
See, if it still makes you weepy, they’ve won the situation.
If it’s giving you headaches, nausea, makes you sick, or causes you pain, you haven’t let it go.
You can’t hold onto it, deep down, and be a happy healthy person. If you are that miserable, you’ve let them win. Don’t give them that power and control over you and your life.
I can offer up a little advice that might help.
Try journaling, even if it’s scribbling your anger out in dark swirls. Even if its writing out every swear word you can think of. Even if it’s rehashing the whole story on paper.
Putting pencil to paper can help to get the hurt and frustration out.
Talk to someone… a friend, a pastor, a teacher, a parent, hell, even a counselor. Whatever helps you let go and move on. *Disclaimer: you will probably cry in the process. If you’re me, you’ll cry a lot. Have tissue handy.
You are strong. You are capable. You are not defined by a situation. You must regain control, and just let it go. Just walk away, and let it go.
So what happens when you see that person, or hear from that person, or even hear about that person?
You don’t let them have that strong hold over your life. You do your best to let it go. You turn around and walk away. You be the better person.