Corona Has Me Scared Out Of My Mind and I Don’t Know If I Will Ever Feel Normal Again

We’ve been quarantined in our home for a month. My husband I haven’t killed each other, my daughter is doing her school work without too much complaint, we have our health, and that should be enough? 

Except I am scared out of my mind.

We haven’t stepped foot inside a grocery store, I’ve had all deliveries. When they get here, I spray down all the bags with sanitizer, then open them with gloves while spraying down each individual box. 

My husband actually caught me wiping down the individual granola bars. That had been on the shelf at the grocery store for God knows how long. 

What is wrong with me? Why am I so scared? Every morning I get up and tell myself I’m not going to look at the news, and before I know it, I’ve typed the news website addresses into my search bars and there I am reading up on the latest COVID updates. 

I spend way too much time staring at curves and graphs. Did social distancing work? Will less people die? 

Is my family safe? 

Will I die and leave my child without a mother? You see, I have chronic bronchitis. This could be deadly for me. 

How is that even possible? Last month I was planning our family vacation. 

This month is like a whole new life on a whole new world. 

I text my friends. The positive happy ones that I can always count on for a smile. And they are more worried than I am. 

We talk about our fears. How we are scared to let our kids go outside, how we hate homeschooling, and mostly how we can never see the world getting back to normal. 

I have friends that have lost their jobs. Hair stylists and waitresses. They don’t know how they will pay their rent when it comes due. 

Do I have enough toilet paper? Who knows? For now we will just keep wiping as normal, but sparingly. But at some point will we have to ration? 

And why in the hell am I worried about toilet paper when there’s a deadly virus to think about. 

Priorities. 

I don’t know when this will be over. I don’t know when we will ever feel comfortable at parades and concerts again. Or if we ever will. 

And that scares me the most. Is life as we knew it over, is this our new normal? 

I really hope not.