This Dad’s Advice On How To Support Moms Is Everything

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Listen up, dads. This one’s for you.

Moms, you may want to print this out and tape it to the bathroom mirror — or wherever he is most likely to see it.

This guy has gone viral for his Facebook post in support of moms. In particular, moms with babies. And, he is 100% right-on in what he has to say.

Ted Gonder is a dad of three. He has been through the whole postpartum situation with his wife — three times.

He knows a thing or two about what to expect and what to do when it comes to taking care of mom after the birth of a baby.

Take a listen to what he has to say. Get a pen. Write it down. He isn’t wrong.

I’m now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here’s what I would tell my childless 24 year old self about how to be a supportive partner during the “becoming parents” phase:

Ted Gonder on Facebook

1. Wifey carried baby IN her belly for 9 months. So you carry baby ON your belly for 9 months every chance you get. Not only does it help her recover but it bonds you to your kid more than imaginable.

Ted Gonder on Facebook

*Two hands raised in praise* No truer words have ever been spoken. Take some of that burden off her, if only for a few minutes.

2. Wifey is breastfeeding and–while beautiful and fulfilling for her–it’s exhausting. So you change EVERY diaper you can. From diaper #1 onward. You will get over the grossness fast. And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship; in fact, when all your wife’s friends are complaining about how absent and unsupportive their husbands are, your wife will be bragging about you.

Ted Gonder on Facebook

Preach, Mr. Gonder. You are wise beyond your years, my friend.

3. Make her the decaf coffee every morning. Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings because she falls back asleep while you’re working or (later) taking the kids to school. She was up all night feeding the baby so help start her day in a way that helps her reset.

Ted Gonder on Facebook

I’m going to go out on a limb and say, that’s good advice for ANY mom. Not just the post birth momma. Your wife — or partner — has pretty much all the things on her plate. You will get a million hubby points if you start her day off with coffee.

4. Tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self critical and hopeless about her body. Remind her of times when she achieved goals in the past. Remind her she is a superhero. She literally just moved all her organs around and gained 20 kilograms to give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life. Help her see past her body image issues and stay focused on a positive goal, one day at a time.

Ted Gonder on Facebook

Again, good advice for all stages of mom life. There are days when NOTHING has gone right, and she feels like an ug-o failure. It only takes a minute to give her a kind word, or a bit of encouragement.

Caution, though. Think before you speak. Is what you are about to say nice and uplifting, or is it backhanded and could be taken all kinds of wrong?

5. Take the heat. Hormones are crazy, both pre and post birth. She won’t seem like herself every day and sometimes she will say things she wouldn’t say if she didn’t feel like she was hungover, caffeinated, and on steroids every day. Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends. Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together when she wasn’t, not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours.

Ted Gonder on Facebook

OMG!! YES!! Not only does she have those crazy hormones rushing through her body, but she is the most tired that anyone has ever been in the history of ever. Give her some slack and some grace.

Thank you, Mr. Gonder, for being so understanding and compassionate. Thank you for voicing what every momma wants to say, but can’t for whatever reason. You are a true hero.

Ted Gonder on Facebook

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