Do Not Let Your Kids Watch 13 REASONS WHY
13 Reasons Why is a show on Netflix based on the Best Selling Young Adult Novel by Jay Asher. The book takes place just after a teenage girl kills herself and she has left a series of 13 tapes behind for the people in her life that are the reasons why she killed herself to listen to. I read the book several years ago and have followed the author online for several years. I am a bit of a YA junkie, and I was really excited for this series to come out. Which means that going in, I knew that the booked touched on extremely triggering topics like rape and suicide.
I watched the series fully intending on sitting down with my middle school aged daughter and watching with her. I knew that the topics touched on were hardcore, and that it would lead to some serious discussions between the two of us. But I am not so naive as to think that her friends aren’t already talking about sex and suicide. Even as a sixth grader, my daughter has brought a string of texts between her and a few friends where one of the girls was threatening to kill herself. This is heavy stuff that I hate my kid is learning about at such a young age, but it IS happening, and we as parents DO need to be aware of it.
All that being said, I beg you to, no I IMPLORE you, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WATCH 13 REASONS WHY! (And if they have already watched it, but you haven’t, keep reading, because you have some damage control to do.)
Why am I not okay with this Netflix Original Series? Why do I not want kids to learn about the aftermath of bullying, drugs, alcohol, rape and suicide? (This show is rated TV-MA by the way, which means Mature Audience Only. This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. So Netflix doesn’t disagree with me.)
- This show was overly graphic. The last four episodes especially, so if you watch the first couple and think you have a good overview of how intense the show is, you don’t. They have explicit warnings at the beginning of each episode, but that isn’t enough. The show features two rapes of teenage girls. These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.
- The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself. They showed her stealing razors, and the showed the actual cutting of her wrists, the way she cried out and laid in the bathtub until she was gone. Why show a kid exactly how to do it? Why was that important? Don’t you think we could have gotten the same feelings if we hadn’t watched the blade actually pierce and slice her skin? (Also, in the books, she took pills. Was that not graphic enough for television?)
- The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.
- They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. In the book, the story was more about the kids she left behind, but for some reason, the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die? What kind of effed up message even is that?
Look, I get it. I get that the whole point of the series is to make me feel uncomfortable because you SHOULD be uncomfortable when it comes to these topics. I understand that the scenes were overly graphic because they were trying to be real and show kids that actions have real consequences. I am just saying that it went too far. That the message is lost in the uncomfortableness, and that the way the series is depicted isn’t fair to the story or to the characters and what they went through.
The bottom line is this:  There are differences between reading books and watching shows. With books, if things get too intense you can easily skim ahead a bit and avoid certain content. With shows it isn’t that simple. And a younger watcher might not be emotionally prepared to watch someone else’s depiction of these events. That development takes time. Seeing it thrown out there before they have the emotional strength to understand it us unfair to them and it isn’t right for us as parents to do that.
I remember the first time I watched the Lord of The Rings, when the orcs came on and how scared I was of them. The thing is, when I’d read the book as a kid, the orcs were only as scary as my imagination would let them be, and they were nowhere near as frightening as they were in the movie. I think this is sort of the same thing happening here. When you read something, your mind is only going to let it go as far as your mind can handle but when you watch it, you are at the mercy of someone else’s mind, and this time 13 Reasons Why did a poor job of understanding how much high school and middle school aged kids can handle.
Honestly, I am disappointed that I can’t share this show with my child. That we can’t talk through the things that happen, the cyber bullying, the sex, the kids and the way they treat each other and use this series as a tool to breed the conversation. I would have loved to see this series be something we could show to our high schoolers. A teaching aide for them to understand that life isn’t as dramatic or dire as they think it is in high school. It is such a missed opportunity that because of the overly graphic nature of a few scenes that this series can’t be more valuable to us as a society.
If your kids have already watched it, or you are planning to let them watch it anyway, talk to them. Talk through what they’ve seen and what their friends are talking about. Really spend some time on these topics and assess how it made them feel, because if this show shocked me as an adult, I can’t imagine how much it is going to rock the thought process of an adolescent.
You’re super naive! Cmon! Obviously every teenage person has seen it already!
And it’s not about “damage control” you silly person, it’s about giving more than a damn about your kids and not letting them feel they are alone in the world! Please think before you post such stupid stuff.
Isn’t this whole book & series about NOT tearing each other down and thinking about how what and how you say things affect people? Why would you be so unnecessarily mean? Disagree, state you reasoning; these are components of good discourse. But keep the insults out of it.
I finished watching this series last night, and I feel exactly the same way. In fact, that’s how I came across this article…I wanted to see if other parents felt what I am feeling. I wanted to see if there is some logical reason as to why they made this show too mature for what seems to be the “target audience”, or if maybe I’m just being overly protective and prudish? My boys are both in jr high this year with one headed to high school next year, and I was really hoping this was going to be a show we could watch together and then discuss. We’ve already talked about most of the issues addressed by the show, but obviously these things need to be discussed on the regular, and I was hoping this might help make the conversation a little less one-sided. Unfortunately, that will not be happening. That last episode was damn near unbearable for me, and I can’t even imagine the response it would evoke from my 12 & 14 yr old. I would be uncomfortable watching this with them when they are 17, but I would do it…the problem is that at that point, it is almost too late. The message would still be pertinent, to be sure, but don’t they need to hear it BEFORE they have to live it? Isn’t that the whole point? I, like you, feel that the overall message of the show is crucial in helping our kids learn to navigate young adulthood and all of the good and bad that comes with that journey, and I will continue to listen/discuss/guide my children to the best of my abilities…I just wish that I could have used this show as a more powerful resource in my efforts.
Seriously grow up. You think rape should be watered down? You think that when it takes place its just one facial expression? No, each ‘thrust’ feels like a goddamn eternity for a rape victim, and finally a stupid tv show recognizes that. I seriously fear for your kids the real world is going to shock them.
Of course rape shouldn’t be watered down. They psychological effects and emotional aftermath should be explained in detail to each and every one of us. The graphic depiction of the act itself, however, is neither necessary nor appropriate when it comes to pre-teenaged children. Did you miss the part where the author said her daughter is in the 6th grade? I sincerely hope that the “real world”…and by “real world”, I’m guessing you mean rampant drug/alcohol abuse, brutal bullying, and violent rape, since those are the themes of the show…is shocking to a 6th grader. I feel sorry for the adolescent who ISN’T shocked by those things, not the other way around. Because an 11 or 12 yr old who could watch those sexually explicit scenes and not be emotionally disturbed by it has had to grow up far too quickly and experience things that no adult should have to experience, much less a child.
I would rather watch/discuss it with my tween than have her watch/discuss it with her friends. Sheltering kids from things doesn’t make them go away; quite the opposite.
I watched this WITH my two oldest girls. They are 10 and 11. I did the research on it. Their friends were already watching it, so eventually it was going to be talked about in there circle. They were going to end up watching it, with or without me. I wanted to make sure I was an emotional and rational support for them throughout the series.
The rape scenes were hard to watch, but they were realistic. I think that is a lot of what was trying to be portrayed. The director said he made the suicide scene graphic to show it is not an easy thing to do. You don’t just drift off, there is nothing dreamy or romantic about it. It hurts and it is scary. He says he thought of killing himself until one of his friends who attempted and failed told him about how much it hurt.
Author nails it, spot on.
We tried watching with the kids, not having sufficiently researched. Thankfully I kicked them a few episodes in, as it gets even worse later on. WILDLY inappropriate for anybody in middle school and honestly even in high school it’s not necessary. It shows the worst side of kids, certainly one far worse than any I ever had in high school.
This show is being gravely misrepresented as some sort of “discussion on suicide”, which is ridiculous.
You are lucky then. I found it to be a very accurate depiction of how cruel people can be.
You honestly did a deserve by not continueing to watch it with them. Kids as young as in 5th grade are watching this show without their parents and they are going to talk about with their friends.
Kudos to you for this article. While you have your own opinion, as does everyone else (And they’ll voice it.) I agree with you. It’s simple really… you don’t like it, don’t read it. Many agree with you, like me. But, many will not, and that’s ok. The big picture hear is …glamorous situations and GRAPHIC SCENES that may lead to any teen who is dealing with a lot of depression ,with or without reasons, to think it’s ok to do this like Hannah did. It’s like a revenge story, they may see it as something they could do, thanks for the idea! While it did show how the other students felt, it should of focused on consequence , how bullying causes these situations and what came afterwards more. It seemed to be very appealing to teens and young adults because they can relate somehow, and that is worrisome because some may not think before they act. That’s popular among teens! Being a mother of a young teenage girl, and knowing she watched it, I worry!!! Especially since she had a past ( hopefully past) with depression and cutting. So, a lot of people fear for reasons such as these that teens will act out due to the “glamour” the shoes put off…yes there were warnings, but…. what’s more appealing than a warning to a teen??
“Look, I get it. I get that the whole point of the series is to make me feel uncomfortable because you SHOULD be uncomfortable when it comes to these topics. I understand that the scenes were overly graphic because they were trying to be real and show kids that actions have real consequences. ”
Actually isn’t the whole point of the series to make money for Netflix? Don’t they really want to create the biggest reveal they can, the most graphic way they can to get as many watchers as they can, no matter the age? I appreciate you taking responsibility for your what your kids are exposed to and trying to help others do the same, but I don’t see the reason to skip the reality on every screen, they’re selling something they want you, your kids, everyone, to buy (and they know that MA means it’s even more attraticive to tweens, just like when I was a that age). Talk with your kids is good, basing talk on entertainment industry media is risky at best. (I don’t mean to sound hard on you, I think you did a good job of stating your opinion, this is my opinion of the entertainment industry).
I tend to disagree with you and found the series to be very real. Real is shocking and shocking is uncomfortable and uncomfortable is sometimes what is needed. I myself found a perfect balance of focus between Hannah and the other characters (bullies and loose friends). That being said, as parents we all have to decide what is best for our own dynamic with our parent/child relationship and bonding. Have you thought about perhaps reading the book together instead since you found that more to your liking? I myself am more of a book person and often find the movie versions lacking…but then nothing can quite compare to our own imaginations, right?! Best of luck!
Your post shown two things
1. Free speech shouldn’t be so free for some (specially when comes to issueas they have zero clue on it!)
2. Sad how today’s technology gives anyone the plataform to reach many people around the globe. Having a “personal” blog doesn’t make you an expert.
As a mother/person you are entitled to your opinion, but please don’t try to make sound like it’s the gospel!!, because your opinion on this particular show and why was so “graphic” couid not be so far from reality, the real reality.
It is her opinion, just like this is your opinion. So why don’t you think twice about commenting or making a “gospel” yourself. You read it. Move on. That’s what’s wrong w people today. Everything offends everyone! Just like you were offended, I am offended by your comment and someone will be offended by mine…. her blog, you chose to read it, no need to comment . Especially if your such an expert on the issues shes talking about…. why blunder her about it?
Because shitty parenting effects us all actually and the sheltered brats you idiots protect from everything will not be successful in the real world since you have given them no exposure or coping methods 🙂 Glad you idiots are American
I jave not seen the show or read the book yet but as a person that has been in this situation and has seen this happen to others may b the rape scene shouldn’t have been so graphic. But I also think they made it this way as to make a very good point and make it real so kids understand the gravity of the situation and effect they can have on a person with words and actions. This should b used as a learning tool watching something like this makes u feel strongly and makes it more realisyi. As hard as it is for some to watch it gets the point across very well and also gives insight of what to do and what not to do if heaven forbid your ever in the same situation. Ever one needs to no that their not alone in these situations and that they need not b ashamed to come forward as well. I hope that more ppl let their children watch this so they can see what can happen and hopefully learn from it and b more aware of others as well as them selves…. However I am not saying that u shouldn’t watch with ur child and possible fast forward part of it that in my opinion are still going a bit to far to make a point. And at ur discretion make shire ur child is old enof to understand and make shire u are their to let them no they can always talk to u and discuss the situations in yhe movie.
Part of the success of The lords of the rings is the obscurity on it. But may be you did not know that.
If you have the time please go to te tweeter account of the series and read the tweets of young persons identifying with these problems. minimizing it or looking the other way won’t help them
Sometimes is reality is hard and you are doing the same as in the story: looking away and not been responsable
You’re an idiot.
As a 13 year old myself, I think that after reading this article that I will NOT be watching this show(unless its with someone). The way that Jamie described the suicide makes me sick. GROSS!!! My mom said that if she doesn’t know what its about and its only on the adult thing then I shouldn’t be watching until she sees it first.
(going back to your numbered reasons)
1. What else do you want for a warning of whats in the episode? And if someone does watch those rape scenes then they will know how to react if that ever happens to them.
2. If a kid see’s someone with a razor (and haven’t watched the show) they probably wont think anything of it. But after they see the show, they might have an idea and hopefully ask if they’re alright, or even tell an adult.
3. yes I do agree that suicide should never be something to be excited for, but the build up is helping the person who’s watching the show understand how big of an impact other peoples words have on someone.
4. They are definitely not teaching kids that they only mean something after they’re dead. The show is trying to say that even the best and prettiest girl can be sad. That it’s okay to have feelings, but it’s not okay to not get help.
and also I do agree that it’s easier to skip graphic scenes in a book, but you can easily do that in a tv show also. Theres something called a ‘fast forward’ button.
I feel that kids over the age of 12 or 13 should be able to watch it so they can learn that what they say can have an impact on other people. So they can learn what not to do. So they can see that if they are in pain that they need to get help.
Thank you for writing this review. There are many in the entertainment industry that prey on adults and children to profit. Adults can teach their children about evil without showing visuals of these horrific events. Adults that allow their children to be enticed by these visuals demonstrate how the entertainment industries have been successful in desensitizing us to experiencing immoral acts. Most adults do not know what their kids are watching, discussing, and internalizing. Filters are good and help kids grow and adopt good behaviors and decision making. As the saying goes… ” garbage in, garbage out”.
If you watch the very last episode of the series it explains why they did the show like they did, yea I wouldn’t recommend it to kids obviously but the show was mainly conveying the message that your actions effect other people and that people should be nicer to each other and care about their feelings. I really enjoyed the show even though some parts are a bit much for me, it did a really good job of explaining people’s feelings.
This is a ridiculous article. You were warned. The thing was full of warnings. It’s tv MA and its about rape and suicide. Spoiler alert. The Walking Dead has graphic gore and zombies. Then about the rest. If you thought they glorified Hannah that’s on you. I saw it with my 19 yr old and we felt the same way. The scenes were graphic and uncomfortable and THEY SHOULD BE! Hannah was shown as flawed and in the end life went on without her. The suicide was graphic. Anyone who thinks your kid is waiting to find out from a tv show how to get razor blades and how to slit their wrists and all they need to do is watch this and they will do it? Hello..you’ve got bigger issues. And you should familiarize yourself with how Google works.
Agreed. It’s important to have this conversation with your kids, uncomfortable as it is. Kids who are truly determined and who are going through things like this will find access to ways to kill themselves. In my high school it was common knowledge that “you went down the street, not across,” and there were cruel jokes made about this. My art class provided razor blades and they were handed out for projects but never retrieved. I had 3 razor blades on me at all times in my bag, thankfully because I was the artsy type but I know I was not the only one with this access.
This show is good for discussing a lot of things with your kids, but it is also important, I think for parents and adults to watch, too. It brings that discussion of how much responsibility do you have as an adult in a child’s life? Obviously, a ton, like an art teacher who shouldn’t be offering razor blades to kids, or a counselor who is not trained in how to treat students going through depression.
The real issue isn’t that this show is the “how to guide” on how to kill yourself, kids already have that access in various forms before them, from books accessible in any library, to the internet. The issue is to be able to sit down and let them know that you’re there and just as accessible as the horrible things are and are willing to work with them if they are ever going through a problem. This show is written as a “what not to do” for all parties involved, and in a very clever way.
I watched this with my dad and towards the end of it I felt relieved because I thought the depression and emotions I felt on my own were my own to bear alone in high school, and to see that I was not the only victim surrounded by the issues depicted in the show, was comforting. Talking with him helped me understand so much about emotions that are otherwise hard to explain or put at rest by myself and most definitely uncomfortable ones to face without knowing how to face them.
The fact that you say the warnings at the beginning of the episodes that contain the rapes and suicide are not enough is hilarious to me. What more do you want? The show is also rated MA for mature audience. Do you say the same thing about r rated movies that contain similar content? The rating is not enough?
This just made me laugh So Hard. Literally you just made my point. An ‘R’ rating and TV-MA are both intended for viewers who are at least 17. So, absolutely, if you want to let your kids who are 17 and older watch graphic rape and a suicide how-to go for it! But since parents are letting children as young as eleven and twelve watch this show unsupervised yeah, I don’t think the ratings are enough.
What is enough is parents who are involved in thier children’s lives and know what they are watching and making sure they protect them from things they should not be watching. That isn’t the responsibility of Netflix or anyone else.
Please, next time, put “spoiler alert”. Totally ruined the episodes I havent watched.
This article is garbage. If your child is under 17, they shouldn’t be watching it anyway. I feel as though the show depicted every situation as realistic as possible. Teenagers curse, get hurt and the first rape scene could act as a deterrent from getting drunk at parties. The show really opened the eyes of persons to what teenagers actually go through and how you would never understand what’s happening in someone else’s life. I don’t believe anyone under 17 should watch it but I do believe that parents should watch it to understand that everything that goes on in the life of your kids is not public. They keep things in and lie to you so you won’t worry but you should keep an interest in the life of your children and know how to recognize the changes in their attitudes. This article just slammed the show but didn’t mention any of the positive aspects or teaching it shows. The problems those kids went through are everyday problems of high schoolers and I could relate to some of them personally. It was a relief to find a show that didn’t pretty the situations up and make it faulty to please parents who are in denial. Anyway, as a writer you shouldn’t hold bias and this article is crap because of it!
I suppose that younger children don’t get raped. Of course they do – – boys and girls. It is foolish to think that if they don’t know about it, it won’t happen to them. Life is difficult and getting more difficult every day. If you don’t talk to your children then if something like this happens to them, they may do what the young girl did. It is imperative that you keep an open dialog with your kids.
I also wanted to add, MolleeRae please refrain from calling people names. It makes you look bad and uneducated.
I watched the series. I have four children ages 19-32. To say I enjoyed the series just seems wrong. I was looking at it as a valuable teaching tool…until Hannah’s death scene. My thoughts at that point were that they had just given a tutorial on how to slit your wrists. That disturbed me. Personally I was also disturbed by what seemed to me to be the overuse of the *fword*. I may seem like I am looking at the world around me through rosy pink glasses. In some ways yes, but in other ways absolutely not. I do not hear that word very often in my day to day life, and I am glad. If I were to watch this with my youngest, we would watch together. Even the difficult assault scenes. We would stop the show and talk about what is going on at the time. I would fast forward through the death scene to avoid the “tutorial”.
All of this being said, before I do or say anything, I need to read the book. It might prove to be a better choice for my family.
I guess the main point I would like to stress is this. Parents, before you allow your child to watch it, PLEASE, watch it first. Then you can decide what is best for you and your child. If they have already watched it, then have some serious discussions. My son came in the room while I was watching and he saw the part where Clay’s mom asked his if he was being bullied. My son’s response was, ” Like a guy would admit to his MOM that he is being bullied.” I asked would you tell Dad? Nope. Who Then? His reply, one of my brothers and even my sister, but not you or dad. I was glad that he knew he had someone to talk to and that he chose his siblings.
Life in general has changed tremendously since we as parents have been in school. Remember that. Know who your kids hang out with. Know where they are.
tutorials are all over internet and they don´t need to wait 13 hours to watch it
Did we watch the same series? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but you are WAY off base.
You said it’s a 17? How old is your daughter? If she’s under 17 all I have to say is there is age ratings for a reason. You talk about graphic content rape isn’t a delight the act of suicide is hardcore you say it shows “kids” how todo it but then said it always shows her crying out in pain waiting to die somehow I doubt that’s something that would be appealing. But still as I said if it’s rated at 17 and your children aren’t yet of this age they shouldn’t be watching if and if you do allow it then that’s of your own accord and you can’t blame the show when you have intended or have disregarded that rating.
This article is shit.