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I Won’t See My Family This Christmas, And That’s Okay

For a lot of reasons that are the fault of so many different people, I am not on speaking terms with my family. Most of them have unfriended me on Facebook, I don’t get birthday wishes on my wall or cards in the mail anymore from them. This is my life, and there isn’t anything I can do now to change it. (Trust me, I’ve tried.)

how to be alone during the holidays

Tonight, my daughter is at their annual Christmas celebration. I wasn’t invited, and neither was my husband. I made do by sending big fancy presents to the niece I’ve only met once and the nephew who hasn’t seen me enough to know my name, but instead of spending my Sunday night in a house that is a little too warm from all the bodies and a crackling fire, shared memories of Christmas past over dinner, and watching cousins play together under foot in the kitchen, I am sitting on my couch marathoning the Star Wars movies and eating cupcakes.

Truth be told, my family is a drama cannon (I learned from the best) waiting to go off at all times, and most of the time it’s nice to be free of the judgment, the stress, and the general never-being-good-enough. I thought the holidays would be more of that, less stress, less crying, and a chance to breathe instead of stressing through them, but I was wrong. When my first Thanksgiving invite didn’t show up, I dropped to my knees and cried. It was a long, hard holiday for me, and Christmas wasn’t any easier.


This went on for a bit, me just pushing through the holidays and birthdays as best I could. Hiding the tears from my daughter, hoping she didn’t know. And then I’d had enough.

alone for the holidays

I turned to my husband, and we made a decision– holidays don’t have to be steeped in family and tradition. Holidays can be what you MAKE THEM. Sure, I miss my family, but inviting my best friend and her kids over for a Thanksgiving feast, filling the house with laughter and smiles, that’s what the holidays are about.

So, what I am trying to say here is that I am not spending the holidays with my family and that’s okay. It’s okay when you spend your holidays with friends, make new traditions that include movies you actually want to watch, food you actually like, and maybe even go do some good somewhere. This is your day. Do what makes you happy, and remember the wise words of one of the coolest people I know.


Oh, plus–these cupcakes are really good. That helps, too.


Thursday 24th of December 2015

I'm sorry that you are going through this difficult situation. My heart hurts for you. Your post was moving to read. While my situation is different in many ways, you are inspiring me to make the best of what can be a disappointing and difficult day. Part of that for me is changing the expectations of what it will be like at my in-laws on Christmas day. Thank you.


Sunday 20th of December 2015



Sunday 20th of December 2015



Sunday 20th of December 2015

This. So much this. I am a recently divorced mom whose family did not support the decision. Although we live a matter of a minute away from each other, I am no longer welcome or included in my extended family. When you said you cried on Thanksgiving, that was me. I am still trying to deal with the all of it, but this post was just what I needed tonight! Thank you!


Sunday 20th of December 2015

My heart goes out to you. I promise that the first year is the hardest. I won't say that it is easy now, but it DOES get easier.