Everyone has that one special drawer in their kitchen. You know the drawer I’m talking about. It is home to miscellaneous scissors, twisty ties, a phone book (Do they even make those anymore?!?), manuals, pens, takeout menus, matches, and that Binky from when your child was a baby … nine years ago.
It is lovingly dubbed the “The Junk Drawer.” It’s like a universal rite of passage for home dwelling, and there has to be one in every house. I think it’s required by law, or something.
Yes, it’s like an accepted dumping ground for everything we don’t know what to do with, but can’t quite bring ourselves to throw away.
It’s a common place to hide that screw you found on the floor, have NO IDEA where it came from, but you KNOW you’ll need it someday.
It holds that broken magnet you SWEAR you’re going to fix, and you’ve been swearing you’ll fix it for two years.
It is also home to several rusted keys, which only God himself knows what they open, but heaven forbid you part with them.
It’s that drawer where you yell, “COMPANY’S COMING OVER!!” and you do the arm sweep of all the junk on the counter into said drawer.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this. It’s normal, right?
Why do I bring up this drawer? I can’t get my “junk drawer” open. It’s jammed shut.
That’s right, I shoved so much stuff in there, it sealed itself into the closed position. It flat out said to me (I heard it!!), “No more. I’m done.” It is holding my junk — ‘er treasures — hostage in a prison made of wood.
What’s #funnynotfunny is, my treasures went in there just fine. I mean, I may have had to jiggle it a little and use my rear end to get it closed, but the point is, it shut.
It didn’t complain, much, when I gently slammed it. It gave no clues that it may not disengage upon reentry.
What do I do? Is there like a locksmith for sealed drawers? There isn’t, technically, a lock, but they can still open it, right?
Before you ask, yes I have tried to pry it open with a butterknife. That was a big no go. I have tried jiggling it. It is resisting the jiggle at this point. Does AAA work on sealed kitchen chambers of stuffed treasures?
I guess I could try a blowtorch, but as it turns out, I don’t own one.
Chainsaw? Nope, don’t have one of those, either.
Come at it from underneath? Doesn’t work. I’ve tried it — three times. I’m at a loss.
Do I just say, “Screw it! My stuff is safely locked — ‘er stuck — in the drawer,” and move on? I could dub another drawer the “junk drawer,” pretending this one never existed.
Wait one ever-loving second. My five year old just opened it with a pull. Five years old. One pull.
Outsmarted again by the magic touch of a kid. How, in the name of all that is sacred, did he do that? Thanks, Buddy!!
Now Mommy needs to spend some quality time cleaning out the drawer, but what to throw away?!?