8 Moms You’ll Meet At Target

When you’re a mother, every day is an adventure. A trip to Target can be the chore you’ve been dreading because you’re a tired, working mom or the only contact you’ll have with the outside world because you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s running dangerously low on toilet paper.  But while you’re there, see if you can spot some of the “Moms of Target.”

8 Moms You’ll Meet At Target

• Selective Hearing Mom – This lady doesn’t seem to notice that her children can be heard from 5 aisles away. She’s usually the mom whose kids are having a light saber battle in the middle of the aisle with pool noodles and who is letting her toddler eat Nilla Wafers out of the box (which hasn’t even been paid for yet) in order to keep her busy. She also doesn’t hear the first 3 times you say “excuse me” because her cart is blocking the entire aisle.

• Mom on Parole – Dark circles under this mom’s wide eyes tell you she hasn’t been shopping alone in way too long and is just relieved to be out of the house for a change. While you might expect to see this “mombie” shopping for adult items, she’s never “off duty” and usually has a cart full of kids items anyway (and often a few bottles of wine).

• Faux-Fit Mom – With her bright athleisure wear trying to draw attention away from the fact that her running shoes are brand new (but several seasons old), this mom just wants to look fit without breaking a sweat. If you see her power-walking through the center aisle, get out of her way. She’s just stopping in for a few things on her way home from the tanning salon and wants to see if yoga pants are on sale. Her next marathon will be on Netflix.

• I’m-Not-Really-Here Mom – She rolled the dice by going to the store without makeup and is still wearing the oversized Army-green t-shirt she slept in the night before so, if you see her, pretend you don’t. She loves her family and the U.S.A., and is just trying to get the item that she desperately needs and get in and out of the store without running into anyone she knows. If only Target sold Invisibility Cloaks…

• Trying-To-Stay-Relevant Mom – Fresh from her mani/pedi, with Starbucks in hand, this mom looks like she hasn’t dealt with kid-puke in years. This mom is usually found looking at the latest paperback novel-turned-movie and still believes in ‘me time’. She may have the mom haircut, but she is grossly out of uniform. Probably a Step-mom.

• Von Trapp Mom – Take notes: the child management skills are strong with this one. With a snap, a whistle or just a look, her little ducklings fall in line behind this Mama Duck. You might be tempted to hate her Jedi-like momskill, but don’t! If you saw it, you would be in awe, too…and probably just a little bit jealous.

•  Mom of a Future Lawyer – This mom lets her child publicly engage her in arguments about what to buy them. He’s cute (but not that cute), he’s four and he knows what he wants out of life, including his cereal of choice. With the word “NO” forming on your own lips, you’re secretly rooting for her, but this mom can’t be helped.  She’ll be okay, though.  Little Johnny may be in Garanimals now, but he’ll be in Armani suits tomorrow and will make sure his mom is in the best Senior Residential Village that money can buy.

• Shouldn’t-You-Be-At-WalMart? Mom – With her cellphone holstered snugly in her cleavage and her flip-flops walking on the extra length of her pajama pants, this lady will make you feel just a little bit better about which Target mom you are.

So which Target mom ARE you? Tell us about it in the comments below! Note: If you all claim to be Von Trappers, we’ll know you’re lying.