Do Not Let Your Kids Watch 13 REASONS WHY
13 Reasons Why is a show on Netflix based on the Best Selling Young Adult Novel by Jay Asher. The book takes place just after a teenage girl kills herself and she has left a series of 13 tapes behind for the people in her life that are the reasons why she killed herself to listen to. I read the book several years ago and have followed the author online for several years. I am a bit of a YA junkie, and I was really excited for this series to come out. Which means that going in, I knew that the booked touched on extremely triggering topics like rape and suicide.
I watched the series fully intending on sitting down with my middle school aged daughter and watching with her. I knew that the topics touched on were hardcore, and that it would lead to some serious discussions between the two of us. But I am not so naive as to think that her friends aren’t already talking about sex and suicide. Even as a sixth grader, my daughter has brought a string of texts between her and a few friends where one of the girls was threatening to kill herself. This is heavy stuff that I hate my kid is learning about at such a young age, but it IS happening, and we as parents DO need to be aware of it.
All that being said, I beg you to, no I IMPLORE you, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WATCH 13 REASONS WHY! (And if they have already watched it, but you haven’t, keep reading, because you have some damage control to do.)
Why am I not okay with this Netflix Original Series? Why do I not want kids to learn about the aftermath of bullying, drugs, alcohol, rape and suicide? (This show is rated TV-MA by the way, which means Mature Audience Only. This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. So Netflix doesn’t disagree with me.)
- This show was overly graphic. The last four episodes especially, so if you watch the first couple and think you have a good overview of how intense the show is, you don’t. They have explicit warnings at the beginning of each episode, but that isn’t enough. The show features two rapes of teenage girls. These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.
- The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself. They showed her stealing razors, and the showed the actual cutting of her wrists, the way she cried out and laid in the bathtub until she was gone. Why show a kid exactly how to do it? Why was that important? Don’t you think we could have gotten the same feelings if we hadn’t watched the blade actually pierce and slice her skin? (Also, in the books, she took pills. Was that not graphic enough for television?)
- The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.
- They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. In the book, the story was more about the kids she left behind, but for some reason, the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die? What kind of effed up message even is that?
Look, I get it. I get that the whole point of the series is to make me feel uncomfortable because you SHOULD be uncomfortable when it comes to these topics. I understand that the scenes were overly graphic because they were trying to be real and show kids that actions have real consequences. I am just saying that it went too far. That the message is lost in the uncomfortableness, and that the way the series is depicted isn’t fair to the story or to the characters and what they went through.
The bottom line is this:  There are differences between reading books and watching shows. With books, if things get too intense you can easily skim ahead a bit and avoid certain content. With shows it isn’t that simple. And a younger watcher might not be emotionally prepared to watch someone else’s depiction of these events. That development takes time. Seeing it thrown out there before they have the emotional strength to understand it us unfair to them and it isn’t right for us as parents to do that.
I remember the first time I watched the Lord of The Rings, when the orcs came on and how scared I was of them. The thing is, when I’d read the book as a kid, the orcs were only as scary as my imagination would let them be, and they were nowhere near as frightening as they were in the movie. I think this is sort of the same thing happening here. When you read something, your mind is only going to let it go as far as your mind can handle but when you watch it, you are at the mercy of someone else’s mind, and this time 13 Reasons Why did a poor job of understanding how much high school and middle school aged kids can handle.
Honestly, I am disappointed that I can’t share this show with my child. That we can’t talk through the things that happen, the cyber bullying, the sex, the kids and the way they treat each other and use this series as a tool to breed the conversation. I would have loved to see this series be something we could show to our high schoolers. A teaching aide for them to understand that life isn’t as dramatic or dire as they think it is in high school. It is such a missed opportunity that because of the overly graphic nature of a few scenes that this series can’t be more valuable to us as a society.
If your kids have already watched it, or you are planning to let them watch it anyway, talk to them. Talk through what they’ve seen and what their friends are talking about. Really spend some time on these topics and assess how it made them feel, because if this show shocked me as an adult, I can’t imagine how much it is going to rock the thought process of an adolescent.
Hi I have to disagree with you. While it is your own choice what you personally let your child watch, tell your child, etc. You more than likely have no idea what goes on while they are at schools, in the halls, on the bus. When I was younger I learned most things from the bus or halls or the girls on my sports teams.
Now for the show the point was to be that graphic. To make people think. You hear all the time about rape or harassment but have you actually ever seen it? We all talk about how bad it is and I hope most have never had to experience it. But how the show portrayed it showed how the person going through it actually felt in that situation, it showed how helpless you can be, how your body shuts down. That’s not something you ever see in tv or movies or hear about. i think the show did a great job and showed it like how it really is in schools. If you don’t think things like this happen in elementary school with bullying or everything else happening in middle or high schools or college or even as adults then enjoy living in your bubble.
I read this review before I watched the last 3 episodes. My oldest daughter had already seen the entire episode. After I watched the final I agreed with you- but then we talked about it. She reminded me that the one thing about showing the death scene was you saw he parents find her. The pain and anguish they felt. Kids are so desensitized to violence- they need to see this and what it does to those around them.
It also did a great job of showing how teenage girls think, sometimes unrealisticly. For example she left the guidance councellor ‘s office, and closed the door and fully expected him to run after her. She kicked Clay out of the room – mbut said she really wanted him to stay. It opens up the discussion on being honest with people and how people can’t read your mind. At least it did for us.
I think you know your own teens best and if they can handle it or not.
Just because it says TV-MA, doesn’t mean Netflix agrees with you. They put that there as any show would, so get off that high horse. That is like saying, this movie was rated “R” and the MPAA agrees with me.
When you are watching a show that seems very disturbing because it is making you uncomfortable, then the show is on a good path.
You are witnessing what happens in some real life situations, and you feel ashamed because you can’t have a conversation with your kid. You feel uncomfortable that you can not explain social situations and how to deal with them because you expect teachers to show them. You are an adult and that is your child, talk to them!!!! This is how you alienate you kids from ever trusting you and make it more awkward for them to open up to you.
When you say that the show was giving kids the idea on how to kill themselves, you sound so naive. We are in 2017, the age of digital information. Kids can learn things from youtube or any other website out there, and don’t forget your local library. Knowledge is everywhere, it is how you use it and make sure it is used correctly. Do you think Hannah was like, hmm.. I saw this in “Pretty Little Liars,” a group of teenage friends kill one of their own and they didn’t get caught, then thought to herself “maybe I can do that too”?
I do understand that some scenes are intense, but also realize that the reason why they are intense is to make you think about it. A book is one thing because you have to visualize, but when you actually have to witness it in some form, we look away. The idea is to show the circumstances of how bullying in its various forms can be damaging.
There are some ppl who have commented and I do agree that you need to talk to your kids. Stop letting TV & Movies, and other forms of entertainment to explain social situations to kids when they have their parent right next to them.
This is pathetic. If you saw that it said for mature audience only why the hell would you sit down with your SIXTH GRADE daughter? Yes she needs to know the consequences of what bullying can truly do and what drinking and driving can do and what all the typical high school things can lead up to, but for you to proclaim this stuff is too much is beyond untrue. This happens type of stuff happens every single day inside high school so maybe you should wait until your kid is old enough to handle the reality.
I couldn’t disagree with this more. When I was 15 my boyfriend hung himself and his mother found him so I have lived through a tragic suicide. I in turn was so depressed I attempted suicide myself. I wish a show like this had been around when I was that age. To me the suicide was not glamorized in this series but instead they show it’s painful, horrific, and lasting. The line about the fact they throw you in a body bag and take you to the morgue is reality. I did an entire VLOG on this show if you want to know my thoughts and why someone who lived through it liked it. http://cjengo.blogspot.com/2017/04/my-first-vlog.html
YOU DID A GREAT JOB WARNING PARENTS WHAT WAS IN THIS. THANK YOU! I DO THINK KIDS NEED TO BE VERY AWARE BUT DEFINITELY DONT NEED GRAPHIC THRUSTING SCENES AND SLITTING WRIST SCENES. IT REALLY DOES TAKE THE MESSAGE OUT OF WHAT COULD BE LEARNED.
I don’t agree at all. I watched this with my 14 year old. She and I paused the video as necessary or skipped ahead when she couldn’t handle it. I think that this show also addresses the consequences of decisions that seem harmless to teens like drinking at a party or getting in the car after a drink or two. I was glad my child got to see how alcohol can change a party from fun to dangerous before she watched it happen personally. She is one who always tries to be polite and get along and I think this showed her that may not always work where alcohol is involved.
I think what people forget is that once our kids hit the pre-teen to teenage years, They’ve already seen things parents really wouldn’t even know about. I know I did. I’ve talked to other parents that say they remember, too.
My son is now 21, and I have to say as uncomfortable as it was, I felt it necessary to educate him on what is out there and how to handle it if he or a friend should go through something so horrible. I also felt it highly important that knowing how it feels to be a victim is such cases is also important. Knowing and being able to help can save a life.
Keeping such things from them leaves them horribly under prepared. Anyone who feels these things can’t happen to them or their kids is fooling themselves. It can, and likely has already to someone they know, or even to themselves.
Wow. The fact that so many people on here are saying it’s ok for young kids to watch this – and bullying the author, btw – makes me want to home school my toddlers.
Just because you think it’s ok for your kids to watch (and visuals of rapes and such stay with people forever and shouldn’t be entertainment for young kids – I know -trust me) doesn’t mean the author is crazy for talking to her kid instead of showing her the show.
People are too lax with young children these days (imo) with what they are allowed to view. That’s why we have five year old girls with eating disorders and who are worried about being “sexy” and kids that bully.
And I have a nephew and two nieces whose parents never filtered their viewing content, also, and they are full blown teens now with lack of impulse control (as all teens have) and they are behaviorally horrible. They want something, they steal it if they can’t convince someone to give it to them. They say whatever they want to whoever they want and are generally letting their abilities and talents go to waste in the wake of their spoiled natures. Their parents try discipline but it’s no match for the way their teen heroes act in films and television. Some kids respond more like this to watching whatever they want and that’s why it’s up to the parents as individuals to decide for each of their own kids – not you.
Unless you are personally going to financially support, love and discipline my children when they have problems from viewing things like this – you don’t get a say – sorry folks.
I think it is up to a parent if they want to let their child watch something this graphic or not. But I think it’s good that there is something so graphic and extreme for those parents who frel it hits the right notes to get the right message across to their child. The major thing is watch it yourself first and decide if you want your child to watch it or not. And if not, try a show like 7th heaven to look for a way to open and start conversations about tough topics.
Is it just me…? Or is this comments section sadly ironic? The show is about a girl killing herself because she was (putting it mildly) bullied. And looking at the awful things some of you are saying to the author of this article… You are being a bully. You are a big part of what is wrong with the world.
Are you kidding me!!!!! This is a MUST WATCH for every tween teen & 20-something …. AND their parents! This hit home on So Many levels & is SPOT ON! Anyone that says different is in denial & their head is buried up their ass! I binge watched all 14 episodes in 3 days…. and yes! I have experience!!!!! My brother committed suicide – so I can say this hit home big time! Parents need to take responsibility
I TOTALLY agree with you… I have taught with this book for the last few years, with permission slips going home ahead of time. My kids have always had incredibly well thought out and spot on discussions about the book…we were excited that we could view the series… until I watched it… this CANNOT be shared with them…. where the book made you think, made you upset, made you mad, the series seemed to “exploit”…. I believe I will still teach with the novel…the message is too important to ignore…. but I will be skipping the series….thanks for your insight….
You have lost your mind. How is it better to sugarcoat these issues?
So disagree with your article… I think you need to check your frontal lobe when analyzing this and future series…. each why you give why is just a weak perception on how the topic was presented… point 3 and 4 made me think… did we see the same series??? I suggest you never see topic that occur with your kids and keep them hidden from reality you when they do confront it… let’s see how the cope with it!!!
Not vaccinate kids? Stupid idea…
Read the article…
You need to change your description to:
Jamie Harrington is a fucking idiot. She loves DIY, nail art, and writing damaging click-bait articles that low-intelligence parents absorb as gospel.
FUCK YOU.
Agreed
Wow! Are you serious? Why such anger? She is giving her opinion, which parents can take or leave and decide how to proceed with their own children. She isn’t judging you, so lay off judging her or others that may feel this series may be too heavy or graphic for their children. All kids mature at different rates and some of us actually try to take that into consideration when parenting. Sometimes, kids need to be told the word…NO. Middle school kids may not be ready to view rape and suicides on screen even though it should be very important topic to have discussions about. Parent your child how you see fit and let others do the same without name calling. Because,acting like THAT, certainty is not providing a good role model for your children.
Ryan and JMG – it’s disheartening to see “bully” comments on a blog post like this. I certainly don’t agree with every blog post I read here or anywhere, but maybe add constructive criticism instead of personal attacks, i.e. bullying.
I completely agree. Never should suicide be glorified or look enticing. I live in a community where the suicide rate is among the highest in the US. It is terrible and devastating to the families, the schools, the friends, and the community. One triggers another. As adults we have been numbed to real violence because we’ve seen it so much in movies and TV. This only serves to numb our children even more. Even if they are exposed to these things at school, is that ok because it’s school? And so now we should we expose them to more? You only get to be innocent once and it’s valuable. It’ll be gone soon enough. This is a tv show with actors and so it is artistically framed and the shots are planned and lines scripted. It’s not necessary to see the actual event played out in order to grasp the horror of the event. In fact it mocks it.
I disagree with your article on many fronts. I have not read the book (actually I’m currently reading it after having watched the show), but I did watch the show. I found that it was a true to life depiction of what our children have to deal with these days… That being said, I *do* agree that it is inappropriate for younger teens (as you AND Netflix have pointed out). I would want my daughter to be 16+ and to watch it WITH me. As for glamorizing the suicide, it most certainly did not. This is the first show I have ever seen that has closely depicted the pain of the victim and those she left behind. And honestly, I don’t think her friends saw her as “heroic” or “memorable” after she died. They were mainly concerned with themselves and their secrets not getting out. They didn’t like her then (when she was alive) and I’m almost fairly certain they didn’t much care for her after (with the exception of Clay). I guess that’s where we are each entitled to our own opinions.
Shame on you. SHAME. ON. YOU. these scenes were graphic because these things HAPPEN to people, to people we all know and love! It is not a show, it is a REAL event for millions of people and if people can’t see how graphic and horrifying it is, then it will never change. Call me up and I’ll put you on the phone with my mom who was raped at knife point when she was 17 years old and you can tell her that, although this happened to her, your cowardly ass needs to be sheltered from it. Shame. On. You.
I agree with you. At 15 I was in a new school and living with my father after being raised by my mom. It was my wish to see if I could be happy living with him. I was also a teen mother. I didn’t have any close friends and my stepmom hid any letters my family sent so I felt like they didn’t care. I was really homesick and the ROTC chaplain offered a shoulder or friendly face to talk to. Well that counseling session turned into a violent rape at knife point. He was a peer, a chaplain, a Christian person. I was supposed to trust him. It took me 20 yrs for me to remember. But I do remember withdrawing from people and becoming very quiet. I remember that drowning feeling. I broke out in a rash and my aunt and grandma trying to get me to tell them why. I didn’t know. I just new I was unhappy and didn’t get along with my stepmom and wanting to be with my mom and them keeping me from her and my family. While in the end I went back to my mom I wonder all the time if I was his only victim. Did I report it or did my father’s family know. I understood her depression, her pain,and at almost 40 I still relate. So I do not agree with this article. Maybe if something like this had been out then I would not have these questions. These things need to be talked about and seen so that people know that suicide should not be a choice or that there is no other way. Mental illness needs more attention and teens need to know they can be heard and taken seriously. Sugarcoating such things needs to stop.
I am sorry but I completely disagree with you. You said it at the beginning this is a novel for YOUNG ADULTS not children. So I don’t know how you thought that was okay to show your child…. these are real topics that us young adults are actually facing in our lives. I also don’t understand how you perceived her suicide exciting if we know she dies since the fist episode, there was a build up of emotions which is exactly how a person with suicidal thoughts feel. The scenes aren’t made for you to enjoy, they are supposed to be uncomfortable. These are uncomfortable subjects that need to be addressed and that is why the producers made the show. As to the high schoolers I am sorry to say you are very naive to think this is too graphic, they have seen far worse on other movies that actually make rape, bullying, and violence look like a good thin. So I’m sorry a series was too uncomfortable for you but for many that were thinking of taking their lives like Hannah this show may have helped them seek help instead.
Middle school is too young to be watching this series, but I completely disagree that the show was too graphic or that it glorified suicide.
Three days ago, I had zero interest in watching 13 Reasons Why. I mean, a tv series about a girl killing herself? No thanks. Then my 17-year old son told me it was one of the best tv series he had ever watched. It isn’t exactly the kind of show that normally appeals to my son, so I asked him what made it so great in his mind. His answer was, “It just really makes you think about consequences and how to treat people.” Well, that certainly got my attention. So I watched. I couldn’t stop watching. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything that depicts the lives of teenagers as intimately and impactfully as this series. It’s very, very hard to watch. But extremely important… especially if you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager.
I think the series offers parents a great opportunity to talk with their kids about a lot of common issues they face every day – bullying, slut-shaming, drinking and driving, taking personal responsibility, telling the truth even if it may have consequences and, of course, how to recognize when someone is showing signs of being suicidal. No, I do not think the series glorifies suicide by “building up” to the girl’s death scene. The series “build up” had more to do with what was on Clay’s tape than her death, which we always knew was going to happen. The suicide itself was horrific and ugly, just as it would be in real life, and not even remotely glamorized. Honestly, I do think the audience needed to see this scene, just as they needed to see the rape scene. The entire point of the series is for society to stop turning a blind eye to people’s pain and suffering. Had they not shown those controversial scenes, it would have been turning a blind eye on some level.
I get it. You were uncomfortable watching these scenes. Good. That’s exactly what they were going for. Because that’s the only way we, as a desensitized society, will see he real pain and trauma people who are sexually assaulted experience. We have to see. We have to.
If you can’t realize the finality and trama of the suicide scene, you probably shouldn’t have watched the series yourself. Kids have a broader knowledge of what is going on this this world. You should be filtering based on maturity of your child, not the rating of a show, as most shows these days involve bullying in some way to prove a point, but it’s very unrealistic. It’s always sugarcoated and doesn’t make the audience feel for both kids, it makes us feel sorry for the victim and want revenge on the bully, which, in my opinion, is the worst thing we can teach the younger generation.
When I was about 14, a movie came out on ABC Family (i.e. Their channel for the family not just a certain age group). It was called Cyberbully, and starred Emily Osment. This movie showed the attempted suicide of a high school girl when she tried to overdose on sleeping pills. It showed when she was getting the pills out and how when her friend came to stop her she did everything she could to keep the pills so she could end everything. I realize there isn’t a rape scene or anything as explicit as in 13 Reasons Why, but you have to realize that kids already have access to movies about these topics or even just ways to know how to end their own lives. Please don’t be naive, talk to your children and know what they know. Ask them the hard questions. Reach out to them and make sure they know that they are loved.
Everyone has different tastes and different ways of explanation. I see nothing wrong with this series and have watched them with my Daughter. Too many shows glamorize suicide… I think it’s better they see the truth. It’s NOT glamorous at all!!
While I respect your opinion have you seen the cartoons and other shows kids are watching? I have 3 children who are now adults at 27 and 19 year old twins. I never filtered what my children watched as I love horror movies. All three of my children are productive, intelligent adults who love horror movies! I would have let my kids watch this in their early teens without a second thought.