I’m Black, My Husband Is White, Quit Staring Already!

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It seems like everywhere my husband and I go, people stare at us. At first I might have passed it off as there must be something on my face or in my teeth, I eventually came to my senses and realized it wasn’t that simple. I guess the reason why people couldn’t remember that staring is rude is because I’m black and my husband is white. Yeah, you heard me, an interracial couple. What the hell is the big deal you ask? What year do you think this is, people!!! I personally witnessed a lot of change in my 20+ years of life, I thought we were past something as insignificant as interracial dating. Apparently, with all the stares we get, I am either a celebrity or I am very wrong.

interracial couple

I’m Black, My Husband Is White, Quit Staring Already!

As a self-conscious teenager, I hated the feeling of other people staring at me because in my mind that translated to them judging me. The stares that we get out in public still gets under my skin on a bad day, but I try not to let it consume me. I keep my eyes forward and go about my day like they are not even there. My husband tends to stare down most of the rude people and their judging gazes. Half of the time it ends up becoming this staring contest and I’m not sure if the winner will be satisfied after the match. This has become part of our lives so much so that we usually don’t talk about it, but just glance at each other.

There are times when I can feel someone burning a hole through the back of my head and it takes a tremendous amount of self-control not to turn around. If I did it would probably go something like this, Hi, I can tell your staring because you think I’m famous, but no I am not Beyonce, sorry. Or, I recognize you! You came into the CVS pharmacy I used to work at for your monthly herpes medication, didn’t you? Instead, I simply ignore them and keep on walking (every once in a while I smile right at them and wave).

love matters

The fact that I found my prince charming, yes I am a Disney baby (guilty as charged), is a miracle in and of itself. Perfect strangers that have a problem with who I married mean nothing, but the staring has gotten old already. I never had a clear picture of what my prince would look like, but I knew exactly how he would make me feel whenever I was with him. Safe, loved, heard, appreciated, respected, and adored. The fact that he is white is barely mentioned in our story, well except in the very beginning.

I was 21 years old when I met my husband and smack dab in the middle of a rebellion I had been postponing since high school. Victor was funny, easy to talk to, had a kind smile, and just happened to live in the same apartment complex as me. He made me laugh and always made me feel welcome. As time passed and we grew closer, our friendship began to develop into something more. That’s when the race card reared its fat, ugly head and demanded attention. When it came down to it, the only problem we could come up with is the opinions of other people. We liked each other because of who we are and the fact that I’m black and he’s white are two words in a 500-page novel. After taking a step back to appreciate the book as a whole, we found no reason that ANYONE would have a problem with our relationship.

Five years later, we had a civil ceremony and became husband and wife. Our lives became one and it changed for the better. My dream of finding prince charming actually came true and I am so happy that it’s him. No matter how the world looks at us, they can only see through the window, but they have no idea what goes on inside.

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  1. If you can’t handle some staring now, you’re in trouble! Did you expect different? My mom Marie (white) and my father (black) were married 56 years ago when interracial marriages were still illegal in some states, and it was totally unacceptable even where it was legal. They would have welcomed a little staring…if it stopped there. But it didn’t! Even her brothers disowned her. She could care less about staring. People stare at anything that appears different, many out of curiosity. They moved to Harlem where people were more tolerant and, eventually, acceptable.

    Live your life. If you cannot get past the stares, how do you expect to prepare your children for them? Mom Marie’s “let ’em stare” attitude, prepared me to have the same attitude from day one. 50 years later, I still don’t care. ?

  2. Me and my husband are both veterans. We met while we were in the Army. He is Russian and I am African-American. It is a struggle when trying to interact with them patiently and be polite. They don’t know the struggles that me and my husband had to overcome to find one another so I just thank God that he blessed us both with this wonderful marriage. Thanks for your post it was uplifting ???

  3. Well if I was staring it would be cause you are a cute couple and you are one pretty lady.

      1. I used to walk home from my bank job with a great friend. She was a ‘black’ lady, while I am a ‘white’ man. We never had ANY problems except from Black idiots, who could not stand the idea that 2 young people, of “unmatching” color, were enjoying each other’s company. No “Whites” were ever a problem – only trashy, low-class “Blacks”

        Look to yourselves first, before you condemn Society. For the sake of Christ, allow other people to be good, even if you cannot be ‘good’.

      2. Wow, I totally understand your frustration. I just came back from dinner with my husband who is white and his son. I was stared at so hard by the father and son behind me. We live in a predominately white neighborhood so needless to say, every where we go, I get stared at, yes me, not him, just me. It’s 2018, and nothing has changed. I just want to scream and ask ‘WHAT IS THE PROBLEM???’