My Teen Texts Me From School All Day And I Am Worried It’s Making Her Too Dependent On Me

Up until high school my kid was not allowed to use her phone during school hours. They had to put them in their lockers and if teachers saw them using them at all they were in big trouble.

Now that she’s in high school, and they don’t even have lockers that’s all different. They can text during passing periods, they use their phones when they’re finished with their work during class, and they can even use them during lunch.

And my kid is driving me up the wall with hers. Today she texted me to let me know her feet hurt.

Here’s the thing, I’ve spent a long time trying to raise an independent person who can think and act for herself, but I also want her to know that I will be there for her when she needs me.

And to be honest, I selfishly want to hear about her day and her life and how things are going, but I am not sure if having direct access to your mom all day at the age of fourteen is a good thing.

I can’t just take her phone from her. Or at least I feel like I can’t. I mean she hasn’t really done anything wrong for one, and she is in rehearsals until after dark and usually texts me to let me know where to pick her up and that she’s leaving.

So, part of her having the phone on her is a good thing, and sometimes it’s really convenient, like when she needs to let me know rehearsal is canceled or she is getting a ride with a friend, etc.

But then there’s the part that makes it so that instead of sticking out things like her feet hurting and being tough about it, or going to her musical director and just asking for some different shoes – she messages me, and then I am stuck either ignoring her and being THAT mom or problem solving for her.

In this case I said, “Go ask the director for different shoes.” Which doesn’t sound like all that big of a deal, but it’s a problem I want her to figure out for herself, not lean on her mom for the solution to.

When I forgot something in school, I had to go to the front office and beg the little old lady behind the desk to call my mom. You better be damn sure I seldom forgot things because I didn’t want to have to go through all that hassle.

Now, when my kid forgets something, she just shoots me a quick text, and then it’s up to me to decide if I want to be the hardass mom who says, “deal with it,” or the mom who brings her whatever she needs so her grades don’t suffer or she doesn’t get detention or go hungry or whatever.

I get that this is on me, because if I just said, “Deal with it,” every time she forgot something, then I wouldn’t have to deal with her forgetting stuff, but I just want her to NOT forget things and not feel like she has a security blanket with her at all times.

When she joins a new activity and doesn’t know anyone at the activity, I want her to mix and mingle and make friends during break. Not text to me the whole time.

I want her to explore and see high school a little, not chat with mom. And I don’t know how to get her to do that. My life would be so much simpler if they’d just enforce the no cell phone policy that was put in place.

I love that we have access to our kids, but I hate how dependent cell phones have made them.