Dear Fat Chicks: You Need to STOP
Once in a while, when I’m surfing the internet or checking my feed on Facebook, I see an article about some fat woman wearing a bikini and touting body positivity to the masses, spreading her gospel to the BBWs of the world to love themselves and wear what they want, when they want to.
Well, I’m here to give the world a nice little wake-up call by sharing why this stuff is a bunch of crap and needs to stop now.
Dear Fat Chicks: You Need to STOP
IT TEACHES ALL WOMEN TO LOVE THEIR BODIES – NO MATTER WHAT
Who in God’s name wants women to love themselves? And to love the body that they were given? What good could ever come from a woman having confidence in herself and having self-acceptance of all of her (to paraphrase John Legend) curves and all of her edges, all of her perfect imperfections? A woman only strives for a better life when she’s browbeaten by society into thinking she’s ugly, get it? If we tell all of these ladies that they’re beautiful even though they don’t look like Gwyneth Paltrow, what then? MADNESS, I TELL YOU!!
IT TEACHES WOMEN THAT THEY ARE MORE THAN JUST THEIR LOOKS
When a woman has value in herself, that opens up a whole ‘nother can of worms. Remember the 60s? Bra burning, women demanding to be treated as equals, wanting to go to college and have careers? THE WORLD ALMOST STOPPED SPINNING. Women have their place in society, and it’s as a mother, a wife, and a cook. There’s no room in there for anything else. And why would a woman even want to be anything else? Her skills start at diapering and end at the Sunday roast — becoming a neurosurgeon or a Supreme Court justice is really just beyond her intelligence and her capabilities. Nope, I think that to tell a woman to exercise, to watch what she eats, and to let the man do the talking is the best way to get a husband – because that’s all a man wants in a gal, anyways. To have a man love a woman for her mind and body, no matter what size she is? It’s just unnatural.
IT CHANGES SOCIETY’S IMPOSSIBLE EXPECTATIONS
Hollywood will tell you: sometimes, unrealistic expectations can be a good thing, because if you can realize them, you’re better than everyone else. If you can’t fit the designer’s clothes, you don’t deserve to walk the runway. And that’s really just a microcosm of life. Learning these lessons young, through TV, magazines, Disney, etc., is a good precursor to how adult life is going to be, and if you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. It’s easier to change yourself than to change the world, ladies. Anyone who’s ever tried to change the world “for the better” has really just made things worse, especially for themselves. Gandhi working to end the caste system in India? Bad idea – did those folks really need to better themselves? Joan of Arc raising her banner at Orléans? Girl got herself burned at the stake! Sure, these folks are touted as “heroes,” but so what? They’d have had better (and longer) lives if they’d just stayed quiet and gone with the flow like everyone else.
One time, I made a terrible mistake and started debating on Facebook with a guy about the shooting at the Orlando night club. The guy told me, “You should really be nicer to people. You’re already ugly as f*** and with a bad personality, you’ll never get laid.” And you know what? He was right! I immediately stopped arguing with people about subjects I care about deeply, and my life has just gotten so much better. No more conflict, no more problems, and no more insults to me. I really need to thank that guy for going above and beyond his call of duty and putting me in my place. You see, we shouldn’t speak up! Our value is directly linked to our bangability, and when we’re fat, we’re completely unbangable. It’s really a fluke that I married a handsome guy and get some incredible lovin’ on the regular. But don’t listen to my story. I’m not the ruler with which you should measure yourself, girls, and I wouldn’t be surprised if my husband left me for a much slimmer, prettier girl in the future, because he deserves so much more than I could ever offer him.
IT MAKES FAT WOMEN VISIBLE
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s when I’m going into a store and someone holds the door for me. I remember when I was about 50 pounds heavier, no one ever held the door for me or really even looked at me. I really liked it better that way, because I don’t like it when I’m treated like I’m above my place in society. When I was eighteen, I got a job at a coffee shop, and my manager had to slowly teach me how to make eye contact with customers. Now that was hard. My whole life I’d been told I was less than nothing, and here was somebody trying to get me to act like I was someone’s equal? It took me about six months, and it was such a relief every day when I got off work and could crawl into my invisible Fatness Hideyhole. I like it there. And many other fat women do, too! We need to think about the feelings and preferences of other fat women, too, when this whole #effyourbeautystandards movement starts swinging into effect. Sometimes people like their place in society and don’t want any feathers ruffled, and it’s really selfish not to think of their wants and needs as you’re busting out into the world in a crop-top and shorts because you think they look good on you.
IT HELPS OTHER CAUSES BREAK DOWN WALLS
Racial equality, gender equality, marriage equality, and now body equality? These movements are doing just fine on their own and don’t need any help from the likes of us, so cool down! People have been working for racial equality since before 1865, and I gotta say, it’s making real progress, and without your help! Combining forces to stop these issues once and for all? I don’t know about that. I really feel that, if you’ve got to make waves, try for a slow integration of new ideas so they’re really just small ripples in the pond, and not like the wake after a speedboat. The white cisgendered male society is already upset that they only have some of the world’s power instead of all of it, and we don’t want to make them any more upset by piling on another thing they need to learn how to deal with.
So settle down! Be happy with being the YOU that society wants you to be. Silent, unopinionated, unobtrusive, well-covered, and invisible. Trust me, it’ll make your own life a lot easier, because NO ONE likes a woman that believes in herself.
i’m skinny and want to be fatter.. dont get that everyday eh? hhaha.
great artical. give a shit about yourself n noone else – s opinion matters although give it a good listen anyway inni lol
Believe in yourself bitches.. fat or not, be you. 🙂 🙂 good read 🙂
Wow you have major issues.
This article would mean more, if it weren’t punctuated by a dozen different ads targeted toward talking women into changing their appearance at nearly every page break.
And for those of you concern-trolling about the health of larger-bodied people:
Their health is none of your business. Full stop.
I can understand it being hard to simply stop doing something you’ve been doing your whole life, so how about helpfully redirecting your attempts at controlling others? There are millions of thinner-bodied people in this world who are starving, and dying, simply because they do not have the privilege that is access to food and clean water. If you’re soooo concerned about weight and health, why don’t you focus your time and attention toward helping starving people to gain the privilege that is access to food?
You do know the ads are targeted toward each person personally, right? You or your friends or your family have been looking up that kind of information and that’s why those ads pop up for you
I loved your article and I’m sorry that most of the comments are about obesity and health. If it was easy to be thin and beautiful.. don’t ya think us big women would opt for that? No one has to tell us it is a health risk.. we know that! duh..
I also know that most ppl don’t have access to food that is not genetically treated or filled with cottonseed oil or some other poison to the body. Our bodies are reacting to what society is allowing in our foods. Did ya ever think about that? And no one is gonna stop it because someone is making a lot of money from making ppl fat. Doctors, gyms, weight loss programs just to name a few and none of that works because none of them get to the root of the problem. None of them have a cure for obesity!!
And furthermore, men, in general, are less affected than women when it comes to how society feels about obesity. Yes it is hard on them too, but they don’t have to doll up to be accepted and they have a tendency to speak up when someone is being mean. They don’t have to spend more money to find just the right bra or clothes that make them feel like they can go check the mail without someone yelling at them about how fat they are.
I’m fat.. but I’m a person too.. can’t we just be nice to each other and allow ourselves to look just a little deeper and find out what unique gifts we all have to offer each other?
I am here because someone needed me long before I got here. I believe that is true for everyone no matter what body size, gender, race, sexual orientation or whatever reasons ppl think of to hate each other.
“If it was easy to be thin and beautiful” – so basically, the reason people are fat is because they aren’t willing to put in the effort required to maintain a healthier weight? Is that what you’re saying? People never admit to that. Usually they say that they are fat because of a health condition or genetics or something. Given the current statistics on obesity, though, it doesn’t seem legit. This reason – because “being thin is too hard” – is a lot closer to the truth.
It’s not actually that hard though. Losing a hundred pounds is hard. Changing the bad habits that caused a person to become that weight is hard. But it’s not impossible, and often in life, the hard things are the most worthwhile.
“Our bodies are reacting to what society is allowing in our foods. Did ya ever think about that?” Thin people eat the same foods as fat people. They eat the same bread and drink the same milk and eat the same meat and veggies and fruit, from the same stores and factories. They aren’t all eating organic and non-GMO foods. They’re just not eating fast food every day, or eating tons of sugar and fat. The problem isn’t what brand of food you eat; it’s how much food you eat, and whether your diet is balanced or not. It’s also about how much exercise you get.
>And no one is gonna stop it because someone is making a lot of money from making ppl fat.
No. It’s nobody else’s responsibility if someone eats too much. People who profit from manufacturing junk food aren’t forcing anyone to eat it or buy it. Nobody is forcing the food down someone else’s throat at gunpoint. Nobody is standing in the supermarket aisles making people buy frozen pizzas and cases of pop instead of fresh produce and chicken legs and whole wheat pasta. Nobody is making someone turn their car into the McDonald’s drive thru instead of going home and making a nice sandwich. It’s a choice. We each get to choose what we put into our bodies and how much we exert our bodies. And in general when someone is overweight, it’s because they have spent years choosing to eat foods that incline a person to obesity, and choosing not to get enough exercise.
>None of them have a cure for obesity!!
The cure is in each of our hands: what we eat and whether we exercise. It’s not a disease that can’t be helped. It’s like smoking – it doesn’t just happen to us passively, it’s a result of choices we make. People can stop smoking and their health will improve (unless they’ve smoked for so long that they now have cancer…). People who are obese can change their habits and fix their weight issue, and their health will also improve. We want the cure to come from an outside source because that’s easier – it’s easier to take a pill or drink a dose of medication, or get a shot, than it is to spend months and months changing.
And I understand that. I struggle with my diet too and I have a hard time finding motivation to exercise. It isn’t always easy or fun. I don’t always want to do it. I’d rather sit here and surf the internet and eat a plate of cookies, to be honest. But I know that nobody else is gonna do that for me; I have to do it myself. And I know that I will feel like crap if I don’t do it. And friend, if I can do it,anyone can. I’m a grade-A fuckup. 😉
You are needed, and you are a kind soul – that’s obvious from your post. And I hate the fact that people who are overweight are treated like shit. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Nobody deserves to be made to feel like they’re unlovable or unwanted because of their looks. It’s really cruel. I hope you understand I’m not trying to say that obese people are worth less than thin ones or that there’s something wrong with them, because that is NOT how I feel at all. It’s just…it’s the excuses. The excuses will keep you locked in, thinking that there’s no help for you and that nothing can ever change.
Couldn’t have said it better
I was great with this article until you made it political. Also if you say you are anti-racist I feel like you may actually be a closet racist. I don’t understand why people say this makes no sense to me why someone has to declare they are anti-racist, like that make it so. Also gay-loving why not people loving. You just segregated gays. Now what I took as a positive from the article just turned into a negative. So conservatives aren’t gay loving and obviously must be racist. You just turned your body loving article into a left wing piece.
Ugh! I didn’t even catch that part because I couldn’t stomach the whole thing!
I read this because I am admittedly annoyed by some of the television shows I am seeing about obese women – you got me! Let me preface this by saying I am obese, my mother, grandmother, great and so on were obese – it’s clearly inherited bad eating habits and metabolism, with a hint of mental illness. But that’s my experience, and not every other heavy woman’s. Being overweight is one thing, and it’s up to a doctor to say if a woman is healthy or not, but being obese is a dangerous game. One in four people will develop diabetes thanks to our sugar-fed culture. Yes, everyone needs to feel comfortable in their skin, and we shouldn’t treat anyone differently based on their size, shape, colour, and so on, but I still think we need to be careful about HOW we normalize it. I would say the same for women putting their health in danger to be thin – and yes, we seem to accept many of those means as “okay” because we accept slim over heavy, which is wrong. Do I want heavy ladies and gents to be accepted? Hell yeah. Do I want the media to disregard the dangers of not taking care of one’s health? Absolutely not.
Being fat is unhealthy, I get that we shouldn’t have to publically shame woman because of who they are and what they look like. But we have to consider that this is a health problem that shouldn’t be made into an attractive fad or encourage it.
I don’t hate anyone whose overweight- bear that in mind – and we should love our bodies, but don’t you think if we love our bodies we would take care of them?
I’m overweight and borderline obese. And my cholesterol is better than just about everyone I know. My HDL is in the 80s and my LDL is in the 20s. My liver and kidney function is on par. I’m not anemic and my A1c is perfect. My blood pressure is perfect. In other words, I show absolutely no lab indications that my weight is affecting my overall health.
I agree that we as a society are not healthy, but how about we leave the health advice to the people who actually are trained to give it rather than judging those around us?
It’s like that now. But what about the long-term effect that it has on your heart and your joints? Sometimes the damage takes years to show up. We all have a period of grace when we’re young and our bodies are able to handle just about anything we throw at them. But that doesn’t last forever. What about when you’re 50 or 60? Good lab results are awesome but they aren’t the only thing to worry about.
I’m not sure you are reading comments to date… Here goes: I can’t stop crying. I honestly read this three times , and although the beauty in your style of writing is recognized, it was painful. Maybe because I related to a lot of lines you wrote. I get it’s a personal struggle. I wanted so badly to be motivated after reading the bullet points. I admit that I don’t find it appealing to post a labeled picture indicating “going against society standard for heavy weight” type notes. I don’t judge when someone feels power in their perception of beauty . I simply don’t make aware of notice. Sara, It was just so hard to not have emotion , and it wasn’t a tickle of hilarity. I admire your point of view. Just wasn’t the outcome I expected.
Stop eating junk food and start a healthy life. Fat is not healthy and its not beautiful. Stop lying to yourself. Being fat says so much about a person…. And i’m not talking about the fat people that have a medical condition, i’m talking about the majority that eat burgers and drink cola everyfuckin day, nonstop. Eat a salad and start jogging!
you know it’s this kind of non-compassionate aditude that increases suicide rates and increases the risk of eating disorders. Most plus size people do try, but constant negative feedback makes people in general feel discouraged. Why try when it’ll never be good enough. How about instead of being judgemental, say something kind. It has so much more to do with genetics and enharited metabolism. anorexia and bulimia are far to common in young girls. We don’t need to knock each other down to feel better. Building people up is far more rewardingredients.
I thoroughly enjoyed this essay and the models used to illustrate it are very lovely. Thanks, Sara!
Love this article!!! I clicked on it all pissed off, as a chubby girl myself and got a great laugh out of it!!! I’m not ready to go strutting my stuff in a bikini anytime soon, but in my thirties I’ve learned to love my curves. They remind me I have plenty to eat and I’ve made two amazing human beings. I also have a wonderful husband who loves me, extra pounds and all! Thanks for writing this!!!
Great article. Well done. This goes for everybody. I always say, “What you think about the way I look is none of my business.”
It simply comes down to a person has worth even if you don’t like the way they look, think, or say. You go girl.
Some of these comments are very strange. I’m assuming they don’t understand the context.
This is not a well written article. Being overweight has always been a health concern and can lead to many health problems. It is a lack of motivation and lack of self care when one does not exercise or eat well. Self esteem should come from more then looks however taking care of yourself is mandatory. I think just about every one of us that has exercised and kept a healthy diet can attest to feeling better in general mind, body and soul. We know when we fall off beaten path and what we need to do to live a better life.
Hello! I don’t remember talking about health, food consumption, or exercise in my article, so why are you bringing it up?
LOL!! Actually choked on my drink!
“Hello! What an amazing simple reply that pretty much smack banged her In the face!”
Well said Sara! I’m a smaller person but I don’t even like attention me let alone making me look at people who want to “embrace their body and have everything to show this half nakedness and whatever their statement is! Good on them but don’t do it in my face I’m too busy worrying about my food and and what food I’m going to eat after
I don’t think you understand what she was saying.
You are missing her point. Every woman deserves to have confidence and fwwl beautiful in her skin. Thinness does not equal beauty and quite honestly, does not always equal health. You give thin women a health pass. You are assuming you know the health of all omen by looking at them. Beauty is not a crown we are all fighting for. We give ourselves the label.
When trying to convince people to stop doing something you shouldn’t insult other topics more and almost completely ignore the topic you were talking about. Also the real reasons fat people should stop is because A) they make today’s youth think it’s not unhealthy to be fat and B) because honestly who wants to see a woman who’s fat rolls could hide a one piece wearing a bikini?
See, this is not a formal debate, so I can write my opinion and insult as many other topics as I like. Also, the real reason fat people should stop giving a crap what other people think is because people like you aren’t any more important than we are, and your opinion doesn’t do anything to help anyone anywhere. Maybe try helping people out instead of treating them like something gross stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
You can think someone is ugly on the outside but they make think you’re ugly on the inside.
Stumbled over here from designthisium. And as a 65 year old woman let me just say….funniest damn thing I’ve ever read! Although I’m not sure, but the comments might be funnier! Definitely will be back, and let me say as a life long sufferer go RBF I can’t wait for that one! Oh, and talk about invisible, wait till you’re 65, you haven’t seen anything yet!
She will never reach 65. Diabetes will take her long before.
You have no guarantee of that age either. Even diabetes is manageable. I know of a lot of very fit people who never even made 30 due to some unexpected medical event.
Oh and good fun blog Sara.
I totally get it Sara thank you!
Aw Sara, I think I love you! Well spoken girl! A couple of times I had to reread to make sure I was getting what you were saying.
You don’t have to be fat to appreciate this. I’m 53 and don’t like it now that people hold the door for me or assume I won’t understand something.
My son is gay…thank you. The end.
So glad you shared at Thoughts of Home on Thursday!!
Amen!!! So glad your link at the SITS Girls party caught my eye – such a well-written article. Sad that so many find sarcasm threatening. Even sadder that we’re browbeaten for being a strong, self-confident, fat gal – how dare we!
These comments are hilariously epic… looks like some people need a dictionary. And some Kleenex.
Why????? People ALL over the world every day are KILLING THEMSELVES because they’ve been bullied for their body. You are cruel to post this article. I have been bullied for my ENTIRE LIFE, for JUST BEING shorter than the”usual girl”. I have a friend who’s fat, and my friend would not like seeing this article. It’s not being fat that truly gets them bullied, but it’s THEM……. We’re all different, none alike!!! I have autism AND im short, if you want to be even MORE mean, make fun of people with mental and developmental disabilities, too!!!?????? So you better stop posting these Uncaring, MEAN ARTICLES!!!!!! And to the people who support this article, you are uncaring JERKS. So goodbye!!!!!?????????
Melissa, I was bullied, too. At 300 pounds at age 11, I had people spit in my face at school. I ended up having to be homeschooled because the bullying was so bad.
How did I overcome the poor self-image that developed by my being bullied? Humor. Sarcasm.
This article is a mockery of the reasoning behind any thoughts of a body-positivity opponent. It is spoken in a sarcastic voice, telling the bullies, “oh yeah, I DEFINITELY shouldn’t be happy with myself, because I bet life is better for everyone when I hate myself (NOT!!)!”
I hope you’ll read the article again with that in mind and knowing that, until my dying day, I will always support a woman’s right to be herself and be proud of who she is.
Just to say, I AM only 12, but I wish people would stop bullying me and my friends. Like, I was in HOMESCHOOLING last year because of it. But I’m going back to public school to get a new start, though. I just hope that it will be different from other years of schooling.
Melissa, I hope that things WILL be different for you. I can only tell you that you are valuable, and the people who are trying to hurt you are trying to transfer their own hurts onto you so they don’t have to feel them.
If it doesn’t stop, don’t hesitate to be homeschooled again. It saved my life.
People who bully you are damaged on the inside. Some bullies can be helped and some can’t. Your job is to protect your heart, body and mind. It’s okay to walk away from people who try to destroy you.
Melissa– you and your friend are loved! The people who bully and hurt others become losers in the future! True story…several of those who where not popular and made fun of in my school years, are now very successful and rocking it! These are the hardest times of your life…trying to figure so many things out and your purpose. Don’t forget one minute take what ANY bully says to heart. The more you take to heart and show that it bothers you, the more they do it. They are bad people! I know it’s hard…but try being positive. Try to hold that smile proud and long on your face. Go out if your way to help others, help those that bully you. When any one says anything to you…don’t look sad… just keep saying with a smile… well that wasn’t very nice. And keep on going…one step at a time. You be proud and happy! If you are not happy with your weight, start jogging. A little at a time. I’m over weight and I found that running was a huge destresser. I didn’t lose a ton of weight because I love food, lol, but it made me feel proud of myself. I accomplished things I didn’t think I could. Please, Melissa, if you and your friends need a mentor in any way, or suppport, I’d love to email back and forth. I’m a mom with 3 kiddos close to your age, and you are worth everything in this world!!!
My email is bies_5@yahoo.com if you need any advice or just a positive person in your life!
I think you need to read the article again. She is supporting fat girls by using sarcasm to show how ridiculous it is to not support them. It’s a common writing tool.
This is the most obsurd thing I’ve ever read, I don’t speak sarcasm, I think your ignorant
Sarcasm isn’t sending the message you want, it make you look and sound like a snobby bitch. Js. Your opinions are yours and instead of pushing it on to others and publishing garbage why not be more productive and write about something important instead of generalizing you opinions about fat/skinny people, which is none of your business. Obviously getting into debates isn’t your strong suit, based upon your experiences maybe you should consider the fact that your opening yourself up for public mochary when you post stuff like this. Js
Your opinion is noted, and will be taken under consideration. Thank you for commenting!
P.S. *absurd *you’re *you’re *mockery
Lindsey, your comment is another example of why this article is important.
I absolutely loved this!! Sarcasm at it’s finest and for the world to read. Boo ya!
Next up “RBF” ….please please pretty please!!!
Hmmmm, what position should I take, pro or con with regards to RBF?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on”resting bitch face” it’s epidemic especially in Cali where people used to be so nice… Love your voice! Keep them coming!
Ooh, good idea! My sister has had RBF since she was a kid, I know TONS about it!
Sara,
You’re opening up a new exciting pathway to success! Your writing is awesome!
Sarcasm to the “n”th degree.
I love it.
You’re a miserable person and should take your own advise and keep your mouth shut and just focus on “womanly” duties. Anyone who subscribes to your shit advise is an idiot. Misery really does love company in your case. Keep your Debbie Downer thoughts to yourself. And if your husband really does leave you one of these days, it’ll be for a woman with a better attitude, not better looks!
Here’s my advice to you: Re-read my article, but in a sarcastic voice. You might just see what I was getting at.
I don’t think Kathleen got the joke. Mwa mwaaaa.
One of my good friends told me, “Until they invent a ‘SARCASM’ font, there will be a fair share of folks who don’t catch your meaning in what you write.” And that’s okay. At least my sarcasm doesn’t make people cry anymore. I’m counting my blessings. Heh.
Amen, even I got the satire behind your article many won’t though
Oh, Kathleen– I think maybe you completely missed the sarcastic nature of this awesome post.
And it could be that Kathleen is just having a really rough day. She might relate to Jamie’s post about Crying Over Mustard In Her Sandwich a bit more today. And that’s okay.
why the hell are you so angry?
What about anyone who actually believes these are Sara’s true thoughts on the subject, what does that make them?
Kathleen, the wonderful thing about this world we live in, is that we are not all alike! I love the sarcasm in Sara’s blog! It wakes my slumbering brain! Give it a go! Open your mind! Let something new in ?