It happened last Saturday. So it’s been a couple of weeks since I last spent time with my mom and I decided we needed a girl’s day out. Woke up early, picked her up, and we hit the town. Between our excursions to Pier 1, Ulta, and Old Navy there was no time to really stop anywhere to, you know, go. It’s okay, though, I didn’t feel anything. In fact, I was having so much fun that I didn’t even feel the urge. Until I did. You know? I really thought I would pee myself less as an adult…
I Really Thought I Would Pee Myself Less As An Adult…
It didn’t happen right away. I wasn’t still shopping or anything. No, in fact, I went back to my mom’s house, ate dinner with her and my dad, hung out, played with their dog, had a great day.
When I left there I remembered I was out of dog food and ducked into the grocery store to pick some up before I headed home. For anyone keeping tabs, at this point I’d gone approximately, oh, ten or so hours without going. I don’t know if I was so busy that I didn’t feel the urge, or if maybe I felt it and suppressed it, but it just wasn’t there. I pick up the dog food, get to the checkout line, and BOOM: it hits.
Ohmygod I have to pee Right Now.
But it’s Wal-Mart.
And I’m NOT going to pee in Wal-Mart.
A bead of sweat starts down my brow as the woman in front of me takes her sweet ditty time checking out, putting one single item on the counter at a time. Does she not realize this is a conveyer belt? She can stack those puppies like Tetris tiles, and they’ll just go on down the line.
No. One item at a time.
And then something doesn’t scan. “Well I’m sure it was two dollars,” the lady says.
My pelvis is actually about to split open from the pressure being exerted on it.
Forget about the pee-pee dance, if I move even an inch I’m gonna blow.
I focus all of my energy on trying to convince my body to hold out until I get home…
“I’ll have to call the department to make sure,” the checkout lady says.
It’s a nothing item. Like probably something she just picked up on a whim. One of those things no one really needs and she could certainly put back if she had any decency.
I eye my dog food, trying to decide if I should abandon ship to save myself. If I don’t bring dog food home there’s a good chance my dogs will actually eat ME when I walk in the door.
Which might be a good thing, because at least then I won’t have to pee anymore.
They can’t reach anyone in the department (what department even sells little nothing trinket dodads, anyway?), and FINALLY the woman decides she doesn’t need it.
Time to pay. She swipes her card. Nothing happens.
My urethra is actually hurting from squeezing.
She swipes again.
The checkout lady tells her, “I think that’s one of those chip cards.”
Of course it’s one of those chip cards. We all hate them. We’re just stuck with them.
FINALLY she’s done and wanders away.
I check out as quickly as humanly possible and rush, somewhat cross-legged, to my car.
Luckily, I only live a few blocks from the store and it took less than five minutes to get home.
Unluckily, my bladder seemed to realize we reached our destination and my pants were pretty much completely soaked before I made it all the way to the bathroom.
*hanging head*
I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened, but I can’t. It isn’t. I just forget to pee. Who forgets to pee!?!?
Honestly, I really thought I’d pee myself less as an adult, but with the way things are going at this point I’m just really looking forward to my golden years… At least then it’ll be socially acceptable for me to wear diapers again.
Gosh I know the feeling! I’ve been trying all my life to become consistently dry . . . You know, like an adult. I’m 25 years old and I still have accidents in my pants. It’s too frequent for someone my age but it’s definitely an improvement from when I was a kid/teen. I swear I had to have been the only 17 year old girl not in Spec Ed with spare pants, panties and socks in her locker at all times. I would forget to go, I’d get too busy, it would hit me out of nowhere HARD and then I just wouldn’t make it in time. So many reasons. I had no friends. I was the loser who needed diapers like a baby. Sometimes I would have an accident pretty much every day, other times, a few weeks would go by without incident. My body was a rebel and pretty much did it’s own thing despite my efforts. I am a lifelong bed wetter and at 25, I honestly don’t know what it’s like to wake up with my panties and pajamas dry. But what’s cool is I don’t have as many accidents in my pants during the day as I did when I was younger, now maybe only 2-3 a week.
I really appreciated the raw honesty in your article. Isn’t it amzing how often we forget to pee? Even though, if your parent(s) were anything like mine, they ALWAYS told us to “go use the bathroom” before leaving the house – even if we insisted that we didn’t need to go – because “you’ll end up having to go while we’re on the road if you don’t go now!”
I have been blessed with a “teacher’s bladder” as I call it, and don’t really have issues with getting to a bathroom in time, once I do start to feel the urge. My problem is that sometimes I wet myself while laughing really hard. I usually wear panty liners because I don’t like to feel any wetness down there, so when I wet myself, it rarely soaks through to my pants. but the knowledge that I pee when I laugh is still so humiliating! And since I’m usually around friends when this happens, I can’t exactly duck out to use the bathroom right away without it being obvious what just happened. So I sit there wondering, “Did they notice anything? Can they smell it? Gosh, I feel like I’m 2. I still need a diaper.”