Marriage is hard on everyone. Sure, at first it’s all honeymooning and sex and being on your best behavior, but at some point the guard comes down and life gets messy. We’ve all been there. You love your spouse, but if they do this one horrible thing one more time you swear to GOD you will cut them in their sleep. Pet peeves can be marriage killers, but there are some that are so over-the-top awful that you kinda have to wonder if your beloved is doing them as some form of marital warfare. Sure, they might simply be oblivious to the death stares you give them each time they do one of these things, but there are at least 10 things your spouse might do to send you into a blind rage and, sister, you are not alone.
10 Times Your Spouse Sent You Into A Blind Rage
1. One sheet of toilet paper left on the roll – could someone please, please, PLEASE tell my spouse the toilet paper fairy does not exist? And one sheet of paper isn’t wiping ANYTHING.
2. Cold showers – Good for celibacy when grandma visits, but patently unfair right before work in the morning. Especially on Mondays.
3. Putting mostly empty cartons back in the fridge – “There was still a bit left” is NOT a good excuse for leaving one teaspoon of milk in the bottom of the carton. Oh, and don’t think I haven’t seen you drink straight from the carton when you think no one’s watching. I know what you do.
4. Leaving underwear on the floor – Pants I can forgive. Shirts, sure, whatever. But those obviously worn tighty whities need to go straight to the hamper. I do NOT want to have to touch them until they’ve had a thorough bleaching.
5. Leaving the cap off the toothpaste – Sub-section for this one: squeezing the toothpaste from the middle. Seriously, what kind of MONSTER did I marry!?!?
6. Dirty dishes on the counter…next to the sink – Okay, that’s just rude. Like, the sink is RIGHT there. Set it in there…it’s two more inches. Better yet, rinse it off and put it in the dishwater. C’mon, now!
7. Repeating the same jokes (or stories) – The very first time I heard your joke about the tomato I laughed. You were cuter then. Telling me that same joke once a week every week for the rest of our lives is just…let’s just say it’s harder to laugh at after the 437th retelling.
8. Farting in bed – While you’re sleeping, fine. On accident, sure, whatever. On purpose with your derriere aimed right at me, then pulling the covers over my head and yelling DUTCH OVEN is NOT cool.
9. Leaving pee on the toilet seat – Kudos for keeping the seat down, but me sitting my tuckus down on a peed on seat is just as bad if not worse than you leaving the seat up. If there are dribbles, just wipe them up.
10. Hair-bombing the bathroom sink – Know what isn’t okay? Me having to pick bits of stubble out of my toothbrush. Or getting tiny hairs all over my hands when I reach for the soap. It’s gross. Don’t be that guy.
Communication is the biggest key. Yes, we can survive the small things, but while you can live with a tiny pebble in your shoe for a while, no one would want to walk a mile like that. The truth is your honey bunny probably did these things before you were married but relationship goggles made you overlook them. If you can remind yourself of all the good they do, that should buy you enough time to breath through the anger and find a way to let them know how much their annoying habits drive you crazy. More than that, remember that these are all small things. Sure, small things add up into bigger things, but if you can find a way to laugh through the misery, you’ll have a longer and happier marriage ahead of you.